The Pootie Queen was in a mood a few months ago and I was a little under the weather myself. So I decided to write something that would cheer us both up:
"Welcome to dance instruction 101 ladies. I see you all are aware of our precise grooming standards. As you can see we have a very special type of floor for you to practice on. A fine shiny hard marble. This surface, because it is so slippery and without resistance will help you develop your balance as you learn each dance move. Pay attention Katra!, just because you have such a beautiful bouffant it does not mean now is the time to rearrange it. Please wait until after class for such activities. Now, I will have to see how each one of you manages dance moves individually in order to determine the level of instruction I need to start at."
"The following dance moves are what I will be asking you to perform with this test. Pirouette, reaching for the stars, leap, zig-zag, backflip, tumble, and slide. You all are of an age and have developed the agility to do all of these moves although many of you will take years to perfect your technique. So I will now show you myself the test I would like you to perform." The instructor now shows her stuff with a grace that can only be described as magical. Several of the girls piped up, "I want to do that!" and "teach me that please" as soon as the instructor was finished. With a quick hiss from the instructor the girls went silent.
"As I was saying, I need each of you to perform these steps yourselves in order to decide at which level of instruction this class will start at. So we will line up here against the rail in order to begin. Please line up alphabetically so I can more easily learn your names. Phoebe your name starts with a P not an F." The instructor was interrupted by a cacophony of cat calls emanating from outside. "Katharine step away from the window, you know the males are always in heat. Don't tempt them. Back to business, Star you may begin."
A petite brunette with a stunning white blaze stepped to the edge of the dance floor. Tentatively she reached for the marble to feel it. She ran the tips of her claws over the surface testingly and was amazed at how they glided over the surface. With a smile and a leap she deployed all her claws and as she landed on the slick surface the tips of her extended claws she made a picture perfect pirouette. But she didn't stop spinning, her beautiful leap and spin quickly turned frightening as she frantically tried to grip the marble with her little needles and they simply slid out from under her. Her tail poofed out as her panic was evident. The instructor simply told her to stop moving. She did and her balance and stability were quickly restored. The instructor gently groomed Star's tail fur back into place and told her she did wonderfully for her first time on the dance floor. Mostly for the now anxious class of students that just saw how quickly their gracefulness could turn into slapstick.
Katra was next. She too started with a leap but instead of losing control of her momentum Katra used her wide fluffy Maine Coon tail as a sail to better control her direction and went from the pirouette and into a controlled zig-zag pattern without a hitch. She did perfect, except for the slide, she started out with claws deployed and when she saw she was heading for the far wall tried to slow herself by retracting her claws. Except her tufted paws were so furry that they too had little grip on the marble. With a thud she slammed into the wall looking like she was in panic mode, only to quickly recover and stroll away as if she were just out for a walk. Flicking her tail in annoyance of her embarrassment.
Talking like she were trying to suppress a giggle the instructor encouraged the class to continue in turn. And she watched in alternating awe and amusement at the kittens trying to dance on a marble floor.