Nice calm day after I logged off, and a nice, supportive morning.
Overall, I feel great, despite my situation. Actually, feeling the best I have in YEARS.
Which is weird, but hey, going to go with it. Because feeling good, should be my normal.
(Day and rant on the flip.)
So headed back to the hotel after my diary, and discovered a HIDEOUS traffic jam leaving Monterey and heading towards Seaside. Used knowledge of the area to find an alternate route. And that is the one thing I'm going to miss. I know every back road and alleyway around here. I could be a cab driver sans GPS. Going to be hard getting used to a new city, but hey, get lost enough times and you learn it.
Minor little side note, I find that GPS ruins my memorization of location, both in the REAL world and virtual worlds. To this day I can still recall the entire layout of the map in "Grand Theft Auto 3" but modern games I still don't know the landmarks. GPS is a bit of a crutch for me, but I'll probably need it in Portland. Sigh... Hell, in LA I could get to locations with a google memorized...
Anyhoo, got back, and spoke for a while with the wonderful person who's giving me a place to stay. I don't have any major concerns about this move, and really am looking forward to it. I really find that as the day to leave approaches I feel better and better.
Slept OK last night, just need to get out of the habit of watching TV at the hotel. Never have it at home, so turning the damn thing off needs to become a habit, with a fixed time.
This morning, kids were a little grouchy. Did my best to make them happy, and we all went to my Veteran's Support Group, at the local VA. Therapist, and every member say I look better than I have in years. Fully supported my decision to postpone medication until stable, and even had a few words to say with me about "Sobriety" living situations.
I don't believe in sobriety. I believe in Moderation. When I had a problem with alcohol, I didn't try to pass it off as a disease. I stopped buying beer as much. I still drink from time to time. I want to get back to using medical Marijuana for my triggers. What I don't need is some holier than thou social worker telling me that my problem is drugs while simultaneously pumping me full of an anti-psychotic that only seems to numb me. I know I'm ranting about this for the second day, but DAMN it feels good to talk about.
Also talked about the Chattanooga incident a bit, and had to come to grips with my very real triggers on the subject. Because of my experience in the war, I'm not the best person to make judgement on this one. I know I'm prejudiced with regards to people from that area of the world. The garb, the appearance, and the rhetoric send up warning bells for me, and I can't comment fairly. It did trigger me a little to know what happened, especially considering that I was at Ft. Hood for the unpleasant incident there. So I guess what I'm saying is that it's something to work out in therapy for me.
Did some checking with regards to plans to move, etc. Replanning route based off suggestions from the community. I have driven to Medford in one day before, but that is a hideous drive, and I don't want to torture my kids with 10+ hours in the car.
And made a decision that Monday I WILL take the kids to Great America, because I think we all deserve a little stress break. Once in a while a kid just needs a fun treat. The last time we traveled cross country, we stopped at Disneyland, even though I couldn't afford it, simply because they needed a fun memory. I want them to have good memories of this move.
Need to do laundry on Sunday, fortunately, there's a fairly cheap laundromat close by.
And heard from the Ex again. She's wants it to stay "Amicable". One thing I did love about her was the depth and breadth of her vocabulary. I am certainly not going to re-engage socially, but I think letting go of my anger is the right thing to do. It's been 7 years, after all. No reason to let the poison fester.
And I'm happy today. Got to remember that.
11:25 AM PT: And since I learned how to embed yesterday... Here's the admittedly rather silly song that's running through my head.