I'm uncomfortable writing this diary. When the BLM NN protest controversy first erupted on this site, I considered writing a diary. It seemed inappropriate. It didn't seem the place of a middle aged (er - older) white progressive woman to voice an objection or support or criticism or anything else about the tactical decisions made by a group of people who are essentially fighting for the lives of their people.
However, after reading some of the many comments and diaries written by a few other progressive whites, I've decided it's important that BLM knows there are white progressives who are strong Bernie Sanders supporters yet who don't consider the NN protest a) an attack against Bernie done solely to swiftboat him; b) a conspiracy to help Hillary Clinton; c) a heinous affront against "your friends"; d) a self defeating effort; e) foolish; f) etc.
And so I'm writing a diary to let you know you're not as alone on this site as you must feel sometimes when reading the comments and diaries about this incident.
First, I have to acknowledge that my views on racial issues have evolved over time. I was once a naive little girl who was so proud of not being a racist. I thought I deserved big pats on the back for thinking discrimination was bad. Of course, the truth is I had no clue what racism actually was in this country. I had no idea of the racist concepts that were cluttering my mind without my recognizing them.
Back then, I read the outrage of liberals who were upset when blacks took action they didn't approve of, who were soooo hurt that blacks didn't "appreciate" the support they gave them, and I understood that outrage. I mean, really. I was one of the GOOD guys. I sympathized with blacks. I would be friendly to blacks and even be friends with them - on the very rare occasion I was around them. How could they turn around and criticize me, even calling people like me derogatory names, suggesting our support was meaningless? In fact, some of them even claimed that white liberals were a bigger threat than those horrid in your face racists. It pissed me off no end.
Somewhere along the way, with a good part of it being from some of the excellent black writers on this site, reality began to sink in and I began to realize some of the real devastation of racism. I began to obtain a glimmer of the difficulties encountered in the fight for equality. I began to recognize the uselessness of my opinion, of my "support". I began to realize that I know nothing of what it's like to be a black person in our society and that I never will.
As a female reaching adulthood in the 70's, I faced plenty of discrimination. It wasn't fun and it had a big impact on my career and my relationships. And I know discrimination against women continues. As a woman, I've felt afraid. I've walked on college campuses and city streets, afraid of being attacked, afraid of being raped. I've even been afraid of the police when I see them - afraid they will give me a legitimately earned ticket.
What I've never had to do and never will have to do is to be afraid of the people who are supposed to be protecting me, those who are trained and paid, supposedly to make the streets safe for me, but who think their job is make the streets safe FROM me. I've never had to be afraid of being shot for being a woman. I've never had to worry about being arrested because of my sex. I've never had to get nervous when I get pulled over, wondering if my tone of voice might get a little strident or I might move wrong or say something that will be less deferential than the police officers think they deserve from me, resulting in a beating or worse. I've never had to worry about my child being arrested, beaten or killed because I didn't teach them to pay sufficient obeisance to those in authority.
And what some of that learning has done is to make me realize it's not about me. I don't deserve kudos for thinking everyone deserves equality and fairness. I don't deserve kudos for being sympathetic to a plight I don't fully grasp. That doesn't entitle me to think better of myself. It doesn't entitle me to gratitude from those who don't experience that equality. It doesn't entitle me to dictate to those who actually experience racism and its consequences as to what response is appropriate or inappropriate. It doesn't entitle me to criticize the methods by which those experiencing it choose to bring attention to it. It doesn't entitle me to make assumptions about what the "secret" goals of those engaging in protests against it might be. It doesn't even entitle me to be "hurt" if I'm called a racist if I post something that reflects the shallowness of my understanding. It doesn't entitle me to object to having my feelings hurt even when I consider myself their "friend".
So many of the comments I've read have struck me with their tone deafness.
There have been the "You're targeting the wrong people. WE'RE the ones who support you." Support is not good enough. Action is required. And if all someone can do is offer support without action, then make that support unequivocal and unconditional. Support consisting of "I support you, but only if you do things in a way and at a time and place I approve" is no support. Period. If you truly support someone, you work to reduce the potential harm when you think they've made a mistake; you certainly don't participate in building that harm.
Then there have been the endless comments and even diaries consisting of the "You're being so mean to me when I'm your friend." Wait. Just. One. Minute. These are people who are trying desperately to get attention fixed on the dangers they face everyday in this country, a danger they never know when they or one of their loved ones will encounter. And we worry over whether they're calling us names? We think THEY owe US courtesy and consideration and understanding? If someone is really a friend, they would look at the circumstances and overlook any minor offenses when the offense is so much less than the circumstances. You simply can not claim to be a friend or to be the one "on their side" when you seriously believe it's more important that you be treated with the gentleness you deserve than is the fight your "friend" are fighting.
The ones I understand perhaps the best, although I can no more excuse them, are those who are incensed that your chose their hero (and mine) as one of the few targets for your protest. Bernie Sanders is the first person in a very long, long time who has come out swinging for the average American, without having an agenda of his own for fame and fortune. He's the first person in a very long time that has long held beliefs that fit with progressives beliefs. And it's so damn refreshing. It's so damn hopeful. The passion many feel for him is palpable. They've needed this for so long, it's been withheld for so long, it seems like it's so ethereal, it might so easily disappear. Particularly since there is clearly a large group who do want to shut him down. So they become overly defensive of him. They quit looking at him as a person and instead begin to see in him all their own hopes. They don't watch his behavior and emulate him; instead they begin acting more like a mother bear, ready to attack any who might attack him.
What these people fail to recognize is that Bernie Sanders doesn't need their protection; he can take care of himself just fine. What they don't recognize is that one speech of Bernie Sanders being interrupted is going to be such a tiny blimp on the screen for Bernie, it will be meaningless in no time. What they don't recognize is that Bernie will be made even stronger by this, as is already been evidenced by his ability to further widen his mind to issues beyond economics and give thought and words to issues like racism and police violence. What they don't recognize is that you chose a time and place and action that you determined would be a relatively safe venue to bring attention to your exigent circumstances in a way that would get that attention, and that both you and Bernie will move forward from here to address the situation, as long as we provide the support for Bernie to do just that.
From time immemorial, people have complained about every single protest that has ever been held. It's always the wrong time, the wrong place, the wrong action done in the wrong way if it's a protest about something you don't support or don't support enough. From blacks sitting at counters and on buses to the Vietnam war protests to Occupy Wall Street, there always has been and always will be a huge mass of people who are screaming "you're turning people against you, you shouldn't be so loud/dirty /obnoxious/in your face. In fact, it's usually the majority of people who are shouting that, especially in the beginning. But the protests DO make a difference. And those who are in the trenches, on the front lines of leading those protests are the ones who get to chose the tactics, the time, the place, the method. If the rest of us aren't a part of the protest, we have no right to judge the appropriateness, to dictate the terms, to criticize the decisions. It's so easy to criticize, it's so much harder to do.
So while I'm a staunch Bernie Sanders supporter, I'm not upset at your choice to protest when he was speaking, I'm not offended by your failure to defer to our "friendship" or appreciate my "support" sufficiently to avoid doing anything that I might get upset about. And I'm certain I'm not the only white progressive who feels the same way. I will continue to support any actions you elect to take to bring attention to the horrors you live with as long as those actions are not physically hurting anyone. Just as I had no criticisms of Occupy Wall Street, since I had not done anything better or more than they were doing to bring attention to economic inequality, I have no criticisms of your actions to bring attention to police violence. I have not stepped forward and taken any more effective action or better action than you and therefore I don't stand in a position to judge.
With that, I'll simply apologize if you consider my voicing my support an unnecessary arrogance and wish you the very best as you go forward bringing attention to the travesties occurring in this country and hopefully finally getting some action taken to rectify it.