Mild-mannered Kim Davis: county-clerk for Rowan County, Kentucky, and alter-ego of Captain Chutzpah, enforcer of her own religious convictions! An unillustrated cartoon parody follows below.
PANEL 1:
A golden-age style banner introducing Captain Chutzpah and mild-mannered Kim Davis. The slogan "You can't just simply ignore religious convictions. That's why we have the first amendment." [which is an actual quote from Davis's lawyer!]
PANEL 2:
[A heteronormative couple enters the county clerk's office, where Ms. Davis cheerfully issues them a marriage licence. A same-sex couple enters, and Ms. Davis transforms, Sailor Moon style, into Captain Chutzpah!]
Chutzpah: "I will not issue a marriage license, because the First Amendment means nothing is more important than my religious convictions!"
Same-sex couple: "Your job is to record our marriage, not approve of it! And we have an injunction from a federal judge ordering you to do so!"
Straight person: "Wait, the First Amendment guarantees that the government can't endorse one religion over another. As the county clerk, you ARE the government, and you're endorsing your own religion over everyone else's!"
[The "ChutzpALARM" goes off, immediately distracting Captain Chutzpah.]
Chutzpah: "No time to explain! I'm needed elsewhere!" [flies out of the panel]
PANEL 3:
[A hospital room, in which an elderly patient lies on the bed and a Catholic priest is administering last rites.]
Priest: "...may the Lord in his love and mercy-"
Chutzpah: "STOP! I will not issue a death certificate or record this death in any way unless last rights are administered according to the Apostolic Christian Tradition! Your next of kin will not be able to collect your Social Security death benefit!"
[Priest and patient are both completely dumbfounded. The ChutzpALARM goes off again]
Chutzpah: "My work here is done!" [flies out of the panel]
PANEL 4:
[A Real Estate office, in which two parties are about to close on a house.]
Real Estate Agent: "And sign here... and here... initial here-"
Chutzpah: "STOP! I will not record the deed to this property before verifying that the mortgage underwriting the purchase conforms to my religious convictions regarding usury!"
[Chutzpah reviews the paperwork.]
Chutzpah: "Everything seems to be in order. Carry on!"
[A banner at the bottom of the panel reads: "Next Week: Captain Chutzpah learns what a 'bris' involves! Can she use her power to prevent it?"]