From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
A few reminders on this, the last day of summer:
• This has been the warmest summer on record. Or, if you prefer, the coolest summer on record in George Will's imagination.
• The leading Republican running for president fills his speeches with things that aren't true and his followers love him because he "tells it like it is."
• The only thing taking over the world faster than robots is pumpkin spice.
And, as usual, this...
• The Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act is working well and growing in popularity. Republicans are starting to want you to forget they ever opposed it.
• You can still be fired for being gay in 29 states and for being transgender in 32.
• A little more mansplaining about ladyparts will cause women to flock to vote Republican next year.
• The 60-day congressional review period for the multi-nation nuclear accord with Iran has expired.
• Stephen Colbert is basically doing on CBS what he did on Comedy Central. Good.
• Scott Walker is no longer in the presidential race. It's good news that he won’t be targeting America for his destructive destructive policies anymore, but bad news that he'll be going back to targeting Wisconsin with his destructive policies again.
• There may not be a government shutdown next week because the world may end tomorrow.
• If the world doesn't end tomorrow, it might be time to toss out that coleslaw in the back of the fridge that expired in June.
Bring on fall.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, September 22, 2015
Note: Tonight on TV: puppet performers with human-like qualities, shrill voices and ridiculous hair return to the airwaves to say outlandish things, prompting angry codgers in the audience to hurl insults from the sidelines with childlike glee. But enough about cable news's obsession with Donald Trump---The Muppet Show also returns tonight.
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4 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Halloween:
39
Days 'til the
North Carolina LGBT Pride Festival in Raleigh-Durham:
4
Percent of South Carolina Republicans who believe President Obama is a Muslim:
60%
(Source: PPP poll)
Percent of total retail sales that are conducted online:
7.2%
Percent of every dollar spent at a retail store that was influenced by digital interactions:
36 cents
(Source:
The Washington Post)
Number of diesel cars for which Volkswagen was caught fudging emissions numbers:
500,000
Drop in pasta sales in Italy since 2009:
25%
(Source:
The Week)
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Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:
The fun-loving crowd at Fox Nation weighs in on the arrest of Ahmed Muhamed for bringing a homemade clock to school:
Motto: "Yes We Can Hate That!"
Don't care what the Iiberals say,,,,,,,,, looking at what he made it looks nothing like a clock and every bit like a "lap top bo.mb" musIims have made,,,,,,,, he was trying to be "funny" at best,,,,,,, making a practice run at worst
---cwheeler
What will be in his NEXT clock that he brings to school?!?
---kpank
Well Ahmed, enjoy your 15 minutes of fame and hopefully the food patrol queen of the white house will feed you brussels sprouts and green beans.
---grandpa1950
All together now: 1…2…3…
Classy!
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Puppy Pic of the Day (h/t blonde moment): Maybe Tillie should've fetched a ladder.
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He opted for the pork chop over
the corn dog. He chose...pooorly.
CHEERS to knocking a twerp down a peg. Yesterday the Koch brothers proved they should probably stick to destroying America through business channels instead of the political arena, seeing as their hand-picked presidential candidate, Wisconsin Governor and tea-partiest of the tea partiers Scott Walker, became the second contender (after hapless Texas Governor Rick Perry) to
cut and run from the 2016 Republican primary race. It's an especially great day for unions, which Walker vowed to crush if he made it the Oval Office, much like he did in Wisconsin. Before we pop the bubbly and celebrate the exit of a real asshole, let's review the highlights of the presidential campaign of Scott Kevin Walker. This concludes our review of the highlights of the presidential campaign of Scott Kevin Walker.
How to cope with a
tea party governor.
JEERS and
CHEERS to the bully at the helm. Now that he's done plucking the wings off of flies and kicking down kids' sand castles for another summer, Maine's Teapublican governor Paul LePage is back at work. There's zero indication he's learned anything from his disastrous run-in with the legislature earlier this year, during which 70 bills he planned to veto got passed into law instead. Exhibit A: he continues to
hold voter-approved bonds for land management hostage, only now he's also freezing
private donations, which is nuts. The legislature plans to rectify that in January by steamrolling him with a veto-proof majority. But---and I hate to admit this---LePage gets a point in the 'win' column for bringing in
an extra $46 million this year through the state's new liquor contract. Although, in fairness, experts agree the increase in liquor sales isn't so much due to LePage's negotiating skills as it is a far more obvious reason: LePage got re-elected.
JEERS to the crazy Brits. On September 22, 1761, George III was crowned King of England:
"Derp!"
"It was a sad day for the British Empire when King George became its political master. He was a man of narrow intellect, and lacked every element of the greatness of statesmanship. 'He had a smaller mind,' says the British historian, [Peter] Green, 'than any English king before him save James II.' He showered favors on his obsequious followers, while men of independent character whom he could not bend to his will became the objects of his hatred."
Sounds like the jackass who hoisted himself on our throne a dozen years ago. Anyway, thanks for the colonies, G-3! But, as always, you can keep the kidney pudding.
CHEERS to G-d's Amazing 25-Hour Miracle Diet. The Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur starts at sundown (which in Maine is, like, 6 O'clock now) and continues through tomorrow. According to C&J's go-to guide, Torah Tots…
Yom Kippur is a Shabbat...no work can be performed on Yom Kippur. It is well-known that you are supposed to refrain from eating and drinking (even water) on Yom Kippur. It is a complete, 25+ hour fast beginning before sunset on the evening before Yom Kippur and ending after nightfall on the day of Yom Kippur. The Talmud also specifies additional restrictions: washing and bathing, anointing one's body (with cosmetics, perfumes, etc.), marital relations and wearing leather shoes.
The holiday is a somber one during which Jews confess their sins and seek forgiveness over the course of a day. That's why I'm not Jewish---I'd barely get started before the closing buzzer went off.
CHEERS to must-see TV. One of the dumbest things the Emmy producers did last year was sanitize the annual awards show of any mention of politics or social issues. It was bizarre. I'm glad they loosened up this year and let host Andy Samberg snark the night away. Here are some notable speech excerpts and zingers that were memorable and often emotional:
"I had a teacher who used to say, you know, ‘When you act, you have to act as if your life depends on it.’ And now I’ve been given the opportunity to act because people’s lives depend on it. […] And I'm going to wrap up by saying, not to repeat myself, but to specifically repeat myself: I’d like to dedicate my performance and this award to the transgender community. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for your courage. Thank you for your stories. Thank you for our inspiration. Thank you for letting us be part of the change. God bless."
---Jeffrey Tambor, Outstanding Actor for Transparent
“Paula Deen is on this season of Dancing with the Stars. But I gotta say, if I wanted to see an intolerant lady dance, I would have gone to one of Kim Davis’s four weddings.”
"This is the most diverse group of nominees in Emmy History. So congratulations, Hollywood, you did it. Racism is over! (Don’t fact-check that.)"
“Donald Trump, of course, is running for president, to the delight of uncles everywhere."
---Host Andy Samberg
"In my mind, I see a line. And over that line, I see green fields and lovely flowers and beautiful, white women with their arms stretched out to me over that line, but I can't seem to get there no how. I can't seem to get over that line."
That was Harriet Tubman in the 1800s. And let me tell you something, the only thing that separates women of color from anyone else is opportunity.[ Applause ] You cannot win an Emmy for roles that are simply not there."
---Viola Davis, who became the first African-American woman to ever win Lead Actress in a Drama Series (How to get Away with Murder)
The big winners besides the above:
Olive Ketteridge, Game of Thrones, Veep and
The Daily Show. Said Jon Stewart in his last appearance with his co-workers: "Thank you very much. You will never have to see me again." Now begging to disagree: the universe.
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Ten years ago in C&J: September 22, 2005
CHEERS to hoofin' it. Energy experts say that $5-per-gallon gas prices are on the way, thanks to hurricane Rita. It will encourage bicycle use, walking, carpooling, and mass transit use. And I want to make a prediction right here, right now: buggy whips are making a comeback. Call your broker.
P.S. Yesterday President Bush said, "We hope and pray that Hurricane Rita will not be a devastating storm but we got to be ready for the worst." Yeah...the federal response.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to ballot initiative. Today is National Voter Registration Day. It even has its own logo and everything!
Democrats look at it as a chance to send out thousands of volunteers in force to make sure that all American adults 18 and older---especially minorities and residents in underprivileged areas---are signed up so that they can have a trouble-free experience at their local polling place in November. Republicans look at it as their worst nightmare.
Have a nice Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"We have a problem in this country. It's called Bill in Portland Maine. When can we get rid him?"
---Crazy Republican representing the views of a majority of Republicans
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