From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Things I Learned from Republicans in June
Just the facts, ma’am. Just the facts:
Christians are being quarantined by the Obama administration in spiritual ghettos. (Tony Perkins)
If Hillary wins and the Supreme Court starts issuing decisions in favor of gun control, conservatives will have to restore their majority by shooting people. (Larry Pratt, Gun Owners of America)
If Britain can secede from Europe, Texas can secede from the U.S. (Daniel Miller, Texas Nationalist Movement)
U.N. armored vehicles have arrived to help Obama declare martial law and become dictator for life. (Teabagistan)
Putting Harriet Tubman on the $20 bill is a blatant act of sexism and racism. (Iowa Rep. Steve King)
President Obama calling an actual racist a racist and an actual bigot a bigot makes Obama a racist and a bigot. (Former AZ Gov. Jan Brewer)
Trans people should be forced to use the bushes as bathrooms. (Stacey Dash, Fox News)
George Will should go behind a bush and fuck himself. (Former AR Gov. Mike Huckabee)
"Find someone who understands who the boss will be someone who is not running too someone who he could serve with who he wouldn’t need a taste test a food taste-tester around him you know you know what I mean?” (Sarah Palin)
Drunk patrons in a bar should carry weapons so they can start shooting if someone else starts shooting. (Donald Trump)
Donald Trump is an idiot. (The NRA)
President Obama is still a secret Muslim installing members of the Muslim Brotherhood throughout the Executive Branch. (Pat Robertson)
Meatless Monday in the military is madness! (Iowa Sen. Joni Ernst)
Congratulations. You may now add another sparkle pony to your diploma.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, June 29, 2016
Note: This blog needs more bunting.
By the Numbers:
Days 'til President Obama's birthday: 36
Days 'til the Whiskey Rebellion Festival in Washington, Pennsylvania: 8
Percent of North Carolinians and Virginians, respectively, who support a ban on AR-15 assault rifles according to a PPP poll: 52%, 55%
Percent of Mainers who support a temporary ban on Muslims entering the U.S., according to a new Portland Press Herald survey: 30%
Hours of live/DVR TV Americans watch every day on average, according to FiveThirtyEight: 5 hours
The last time the national gas tax---currently 18.4 cents---was raised: 1993
Calories in a serving of Burger King's new "Mac & Cheetos" side dish: 310
-
Mid-week Rapture Index:
186 (including 4 Kings of the East and 1 lesbian fever dream from Hell). Soul Protection Factor 28 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
-
Puppy Pic of the Day:
-
JEERS to serving up a great big crap sandwich. Trey Gowdy and his Republican orcs from the Select Committee on Benghazi finally released the results of their attempt to tear down the candidacy of Hillary Clinton. It's not pretty. For them:
These headlines tell you all you need to know on a news day when Republicans are out in force trying to exploit the deaths of four American heroes:
The national media will do their best to use the new Benghazi report against Hillary. It’s what they do. But in a few days, they’ll move on and all that will be left is the filthy residue of Republicans spending millions of our tax dollars using dead Americans as political tools.
Meanwhile, Republicans responded with a statement of their own: "Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi. Benghazi Benghazi. Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi. Benghazi." And how can you argue with that.
CHEERS to liberal victories in unexpected places. As the Supreme Court justices ditch their robes and quills for the frilly freedom of pirate shirts and bellbottoms, it's worth pausing to ask the question: What the hell just happened? Alicia Parlapiano at The New York Times ran the numbers and basically what happened is, the Notorious RBG wing of the court rode the Alito wing like a show donkey:
“The court issued liberal decisions in 56 percent of cases so far this term, according to a widely accepted standard developed by political scientists that considers signed decisions in argued cases.
The share is only slightly lower than in the 2014-15 term, which had the highest share of liberal decisions since the court led by Chief Justice Earl Warren in the 1950s and 1960s.” […]
Individual justice ideology scores, which are based on voting patterns, also illustrate the court’s leftward shift. With the exception of Justice Thomas, the conservative justice scores moved closer to their liberal counterparts. Meanwhile, Justice Sotomayor, Mr. Obama’s first nominee to the court, surpassed Justice Ginsburg as the court’s most liberal justice.
As usual, we'll happily take the victories. And then run like hell.
CHEERS to blowing this popsicle stand. NASA achieved a major milestone yesterday in its ongoing quest to send humans to Mars: a test of the world's most powerful rocket booster, which will be able to lift 105 tons off the ground, succeeded:
If you want to get a sense of how powerful that is, eat nothing but sauerkraut for a week and then light a fart.
JEERS to messy divorces. As best as I can tell, this is the prevailing sentiment among the various leadership factions following the vote to hate on the immigrants leave the European Union’s nest:
David Cameron: "Let's not be hasty."
Jeremy Corbyn: "What's the rush?"
Boris Johnson: "Patience. Patience."
Nigel Farage: "How about a nice cup of tea?"
The Queen: "These things take time."
Upper Class twit of the Year: [Still trying to remove the bra from the mannequin]
European Union: "Out! Out! Out!!!" [Throws clothes out window onto lawn]
Can't wait to see who gets custody of Snookums the goldfish.
CHEERS to hittin' the road. 60 years ago today, radical socialist (and probably Kenya-born) President Eisenhower signed the Federal Highway Act, which authorized the construction of 42,500 miles of freeway from coast to coast. It wasn't an easy thing to accomplish:
Between 1954 and 1956, there were several failed attempts to pass a national highway bill through the Congress.
The main controversy over the highway construction was the apportionment of the funding between the Federal Government and the states. Undaunted, the President renewed his call for a "modern, interstate highway system" in his 1956 State of the Union Address. Within a few months, after considerable debate and amendment in the Congress, The Federal-Aid Highway Act of 1956 emerged from the House-Senate conference committee. ... During his recovery from a minor illness, Eisenhower signed the bill into law at Walter Reed Army Medical Center on the 29th of June.
Soon after, parents got their first earful of "Are we there yet?? Are we there yet?? Are we there yet??"
CHEERS to today's edition of President Obama Is Distant And Aloof And Totally Bored With The Job:
This has been today's edition of President Obama Is Distant And Aloof And Totally Bored With The Job.
-
Eleven years ago in C&J: June 29, 2005
JEERS to the Emperor's new old talking points. Bush was supposed to give a "major" speech last night. He might as well have been reading from the phone book. Said he: "The Iraqi people are emerging from decades of tyranny and oppression into democracy." Funny...we seem to be emerging from decades of democracy into tyranny and oppression.
-
And just one more…
CHEERS to rebranding. Trump Hotels have seen a dramatic drop in reservations since the chain's namesake hit the campaign trail for president. (He's dropping in on Bangor, Maine today and if there's a god in the heavens he'll massacre the name by calling it "BANG-er" instead of "Bang-GORE" and be chased out of the state before he can make his first Pocahontas reference.) Jimmy Kimmel has this exclusive look at how their damage-control advertising efforts are going:
And to show they're serious, when they turn down your bed at night, they've gone back to leaving a mint on your pillow instead of a goofy baseball hat.
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Bernie Sanders Snaps at Morning Joe Bro For Comparing Him to Bill in Portland Maine
---Mediaite
-