You hate Joe Lieberman.
That’s okay. He hates you, too. Hates the whole Democratic Party, which he’s proved again and again by doing everything he can to sabotage the will of Democratic voters. That’s what Joe’s whole No Labels label is about—putting the Democratic Party’s biggest accomplishments in front of a firing squad and getting everyone to agree that it would be a nice compromise if at only half of them took a shot.
So … yeah. And I think it would be spiff if Hillary and/or Bernie would go up onstage and agree to take part in his latest shenanigans, this thing Joe is calling the “Problem Solver Promise.”
Why? Come on in. I’ll tell you.
On January 11, Joe and his non-drinking buddy John Huntsman are going to drag their egos up to the stage in front of yet another yawning chasm of disinterest to announce the presidential candidates who have signed on as No Labels Problem Solvers. To get a Joe-certified gold star, you need to agree to work with Congress on one (that would be one) of the following:
- Create 25 million new jobs over the next 10 years
- Secure Social Security and Medicare for the next 75 years
- Balance the federal budget by 2030
- Make America energy secure by 2024
You can see just how brave a candidate would have to be to hop onto an American stage and proclaim “Yep, I’m going to create oodles of jobs, balance everything that’s unbalanced, and fill the tanks with go juice!” These are pledges so devoid of any meaning outside happy-happy joy-joy vote-for-me that even a ticket made up of Simon Legree and Ebenezer Scrooge would find at least one thing to sign onto.
So why (other than the chance to send out a press release with their names on it) would J & J care about hauling presidential candidates into the local Marriott ballroom to speak on behalf of mom and apple pie? Because to Joe Lieberman—and more importantly to the handful of wealthy funders who support the whole No Labels boondoggle—these words have some very specific meanings.
Creating new jobs? That means cutting corporate taxes. Securing Social Security and Medicare? Read that as cut them to nothing. Balancing the budget? More cutting taxes, of course. And making America energy secure? Hello, Canada? About that pipeline …
The whole point of the No Labels organization, from its Washington lobbyist creators to the moneymen hiding in the shadows, is to take far-right positions and give them a (thin) wash of mainstream patina. The organization exists to present ideas that are as out there as anything in the tea party, while giving a good tut-tut over how we just can’t get those lefties to sign onto our entirely mainstream ideas.
You say you want a sip of clean water. I say try raw sewage instead. No Labels wonders why you won’t agree to a nice reasonable compromise.
So … okay then. Why would I want Bernillary to get on stage with these folks? Because I would greatly enjoy someone flipping back the curtain. I’d love to see someone go forth and say:
Yes, I plan to create at least 25 million jobs in this country, and … hold up there, Joe, I’m talking. As I was saying, I’m going to create jobs by raising the minimum wage so that the people who actually spark the economy have something to spend and the jobs they get won’t be at poverty wages. Some of these jobs will be government jobs. Which are … Joe, please. Which are just as real as other jobs, and often much more vital. And considering the state of our parks and infrastructure, we ought to have a serious talk about some organizations known as CCC and WPA.
Absolutely, I’m going to secure Social Security and Medicare for the long term. We’ll do that … Joe, sit down. I’ll be done in a second. We’ll do that by making Medicare universal and by blowing the caps off Social Security. Simply removing the income cap on Social Security would completely cover any funding issues over the next 75 years, with no need for cuts or “slow downs” that are just cuts under another name.
No, I’m not going to promise to balance the budget, though we could certainly do with reduced spending on planning for war, conducting war, and paying for all the destruction caused by war. Can we make Joe be quiet for just a minute? Thank you. Yeah, so no. No, I’m not making that promise because promising to keep the budget balanced no matter what else is happening is an intrinsically stupid plan. Massively stupid. Next!
Sure thing, we’re going to secure this country’s energy requirements. We’ll do that by making sure that some of those 25 million jobs are in solar, and wind, and other renewable sources that won’t run out in a decade or turn our oceans into bouillabaisse. We’ll secure it by creating a sustainable, decentralized, flexible system that relies as much on conservation as … as … okay, someone turned off my mike. So I’ll just talk louder. We’ll secure this nation’s energy by improving efficiency, by moving away from fossil fuels, and by making investments in the future.
So long, Joe.