From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
The Week Ahead
Monday The mid-Atlantic shovels out from a historic blizzard. On Capitol Hill, the House cancels all votes because of the treacherous conditions, while the Senate cancels all votes because James Inhofe filled the chamber to the ceiling with snowballs.
Donald "You Go To War With The Army You have, Not The Army You Wish To Have" Rumsfeld is a guest on Late Show with Stephen Colbert. The conversation is expected to take place in the area around Revisionist History Land and east, west south and north somewhat.
Tuesday The Republican-led House passes the 2016 Trust Us, We're Totally Not Taking Candy From Babies Act. Its primary goal: to take candy from babies.
Michael Moore is a guest on The View to talk about his new movie and the Flint water disaster. Not necessarily in that order.
Wednesday The biannual Investor Summit on Climate Risk takes place at the United Nations with the goal of securing $1 trillion in clean-energy investments. If it’s any help, put me down for ten bucks!
Thursday President Obama travels to Baltimore to attend a House Democratic Caucus "issues retreat." First order of business: agreeing to rename future retreats something other than a retreat.
Today is Data Privacy Day. Or as hackers call it: "Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!” Day.
Friday The gross domestic product from the fourth quarter of 2015 is announced. Topping the list: the carton of eggnog still in the refrigerator with the fourth quarter of 2015 expiration date on it.
Saddle up. Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, January 25, 2016
Note: January is Bath Safety Month, and it’s your duty as an American citizen to remember the #1 bath safety tip: keep a loaded firearm hidden under your bubbles in case President Obama barges in to take your guns. Only you can hold the line against tyranny and oppression. (And don’t forget to scrub behind those ears, patriots!)
---Your Friends at the NRA
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til St. Patrick’s Day: 52
Days `til Setsubun (Shinto celebration of the change of seasons): 9
Percent by which the EPA and USDA plan to reduce food waste by 2030: 50%
Rank of food waste among major sources of greenhouse gas emissions, at 3.6 gigatons of carbon dioxide, according to the U.N. Food and Agriculture Organization: #3
Factor by which production of plastics is expected to grow in the next 20 years, according to the World Economic Forum: 2x
Size of the newest prime number (divisible only by itself and 1 with no remainder) discovered at the University of Central Missouri: 22.3 million digits
Age of St. Elijah’s Christian Monastery in Mosul, Iraq when it was bulldozed to rubble by ISIS: 1,400 years
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NEW Monday Feature: “Meet Me in St. Louis!”
Brought to you by the 2016 Netroots Nation convention in St. Louis, July 14-17. Here, have some STL fun facts:
In 1944, Saint Louis University was the first university in a former slave state to welcome black students and faculty members.
The Eads Bridge, completed in 1874 over the Mississippi River, was the first arched steel truss bridge in the world. When it was first proposed, it was scoffed at as impossible to build.
The 1904 World’s Fair in St. Louis popularized a number of new foods, including the hot dog, ice cream cone, and iced tea.
Eighteen Nobel laureates have done research at Washington University in St. Louis, including five who received the Nobel Prize for research they conducted there.
True fact: one of the Nobel Prizes was awarded for the invention of a process that increases the intensity of the fun in fun facts. Saaaa-lute!
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Puppy Pic of the Day:
Dogs with baby goats.
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CHEERS and JEERS to the big dump of aught sixteen. What a mess---the weekend blizzard along the mid-Atlantic made life miserable for millions from Tennessee to Massachusetts. 11,000 flights canceled as of yesterday morning. 27 inches fell in NYC. On the other hand, c’mon, this is adorbs…..
An anchor on MSNBC said that Washington D.C. was paralyzed. And then the blizzard happened.
CHEERS to order in the courts. Two rulings we noticed over the weekend that came down on the side of truth and fairness. Fire the confetti cannon…
Ruling 1: Walmart violated labor relations law and must offer to reinstate 16 employees who were fired after protesting at Walmart's headquarters in 2013, a judge ruled.
In the National Labor Relations Board case, Administrative Law Judge Geoffrey Carter ruled Thursday that employee strikes that took place in May and June of 2013 were lawful and that Walmart was wrong to discipline employees who were absent from work due to the demonstrations.
Ruling 2: The Kansas Court of Appeals on Friday left in place a lower-court decision blocking a first-in-the-nation state law that would have banned a procedure common in second-trimester abortions. … Last summer, a Shawnee County judge blocked the law from taking effect, ruling that the right to an abortion was protected by the Kansas Constitution and that the law likely was too big of an obstacle for women seeking to end their pregnancies.
In other news, Friday's annual "Roe v. Wade Day" anti-reproductive-choice protest in D.C. was overruled by the looming blizzard, resulting in a 97 percent drop in attendance. Gee, it's almost like the protesters put their own interests above those of the unborn. If they didn’t suffer from chronic irony deficiency, they might feel a bit guilty.
JEERS to today's boring correction. Republican Presidential candidate Ted Cruz's claim that Obamacare is to blame for making him lose his health insurance is false. In fact…
Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz’s campaign on Friday said the Texas senator never lost his health insurance…
...contradicting his claim a day earlier that his plan had been canceled due to Obamacare.
Campaign spokeswoman Catherine Frazier told the Wall Street Journal that Cruz’s insurance broker told him he had lost coverage after Blue Cross Blue Shield of Texas terminated his preferred provider organization, or PPO, on Dec. 31. … “The Cruz family is currently covered by a Blue Cross HMO,” she added.
We're sure Senator Cruz regrets the error and will soon issue a formal statement blaming it on Obamacare.
CHEERS to meeting the press. Fifty-five years ago today, in 1961, President Kennedy gave the first press conference that was broadcast live on both TV and radio. Not having done it before, the early moments were a bit awkward:
"I want to assure you that I will, with great vigah, endeavuh to ahnsuh your questions thoroughly and completely. Just not in the bahthroom while I am taking my, uh, showuh."
Things went better when they moved it to the press room.
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Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!
This is another edition of The One Word Answer Man. Kansas state senator Mitch Holmes unveiled an 11-point dress code for women attending hearings in his Ethics & Elections Committee meetings (with zero such requirements for men because they automatically know how to dress professionally), prompting Topeka Democrat Laura Kelly to ask: "Oh for crying out loud, what century is this?"
Nineteenth?
Now back to Cheers and Jeers.
Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!
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CHEERS to Dr. Robot. The next frontier in medical diagnosis and treatment has made another advance. Pretty cool, actually:
From the folds and crinkles of a living brain, a fleeting fleck of electronics smaller than a grain of rice can wirelessly relay critical health information and then gently fade away.
The transient sensors, which can measure pressure, temperature, pH, motion, flow, and potentially specific biomolecules, stand to permanently improve patient care, researchers said.
With a wireless, dissolving sensor, doctors could ditch the old versions that require tethering patients to medical equipment and performing invasive surgery to remove, which adds risks of infections and complications to already vulnerable patients.
The Trump campaign is using a similar technology on Republican base voters to get them to vote for him during primary season, except it works a little differently: the chip stays and the brain evaporates.
JEERS to little misunderstandings. I learned something a bit disturbing this weekend: on this date in 1995, the Norwegians fired a scientific rocket called a Black Brant XII into the air, and the Russians thought it might actually be an American Trident missile launched from a sub. What happened next was so hilarious…
As a result, fearing a high altitude nuclear attack that could blind Russian radar, Russian nuclear forces were put on high alert, and the nuclear weapons command suitcase was brought to Russian president Boris Yeltsin.
[He] then had to decide whether or not to launch a retaliatory nuclear strike against the United States.
The Norwegian rocket incident was the first and only incident where any nuclear weapons state had its nuclear briefcase activated and prepared for launching an attack.
How lucky was the world on January 25, 1995? Let me put it this way: the incident happened on the one day of his presidency when Boris Yeltsin wasn't drunk. That lucky.
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Ten years ago in C&J: January 25, 2006
CHEERS to Democratic unity. Yesterday all 8 Dem Senators on the Judiciary Committee voted against the nomination of Samuel "I Can't Believe I'm Getting' Away With This" Alito. And if those three Republicans hadn't jimmied the lock from inside the broom closet we woulda blocked the bastard. (Who knew Tom Coburn wore bobby pins??)
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And just one more…
CHEERS to nimble fingers vs. fumble fingers. If you missed the NFL action over the weekend, here's what happened: Denver beat New England 20-18, and Carolina bossed around Arizona 49-15. (But don’t feel bad for the losers---they’re going home with a fabulous runner-up prize package that includes a Samsonite luggage gift set and $100 gift certificate from the Spiegel Catalog.) So it'll be Manning vs. Newton on February 7 during Super Bowl 50. As usual, the winners of that competition will be the Budweiser Clydesdales and whoever's turn it is to have a halftime wardrobe malfunction.
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Look for the narcissist. The most obvious target in today’s lineup is, of course, Bill in Portland Maine. When he looks at a glass, he is mesmerized by its reflection.
---William F. Buckley
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