Hey there, folks.
I don’t usually blog, though I spend time on Daily Kos reading…
I’m pretty busy most of the time, because I am an active trauma therapist. And my area of concentration is child sexual trauma. I am a licensed social worker, and I am a member of a team that includes forensic investigators, child protection workers, child advocates, and law enforcement.
We do not do a very good job of informing people about these kinds of things, mostly because we are all too uncomfortable talking about them. But spend some time talking with an 8 year old who describes her father molesting her, or a 15 year old whose “date” refused to take no for an answer, or a little boy questioning whether his coach touching him made him gay, and besides being infuriated, it really brings home the point that ignorance is not bliss, and being silent about these things is not solving the real problems we have with sex and sexual expression this country.
What Donald Trump describes on those tapes is not sexual assault. It is sexual battery. He talks about not just intimidating, harassing, and threatening women without their consent; he talks about putting his mouth and his hands on women’s bodies without their permission, on places that we consider private and protected. The Department of Justice’s definition of sexual assault is any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. The definition of Sexual battery is an unwanted form of contact with an intimate part of the body that is made for purposes of sexual arousal, sexual gratification or sexual abuse. Sexual battery may occur whether the victim is clothed or not. It is a crime.
For anyone who is confused over the concept of consent, there is a great video on YouTube entitled “Consent is like a cup of tea.” I do not have the requisite computer skills to link to this, and I am not sure I would have permission if I did, but please check it out. It’s simple, well done and hilarious, until it isn’t. (Also, be aware, there are two versions. Personally, I think the one without the explicit language is better, and I use it often with my child victims who believe that just because they didn’t say no, or didn’t know how to say no, believe that their experiences were their own fault.) It’s also a good video to show to Neanderthals who do not get the concept of consent, they may not get the point, but it’s awfully satisfying.
If you do not give your consent for someone to touch you, and they do anyway, that is battery. If they touch you in a sexual way or on a part of the body that is considered private, that is sexual battery. Both sexual assault and sexual battery are crimes. Having an affair may be immoral or against your belief system, but it is not a crime, and here’s the sticking point: an affair is a mutually consensual agreement. Sexual assault or sexual battery is not.
One final thought, and that is the Trump apologists and mansplainers keep trying to make a connection between erotic fiction, especially 50 Shades, and Trump’s words and behaviors. And here’s where I want you to remember that I am a sexual trauma therapist, that I see and hear things every day that most people do not want to hear or understand. And what is on the pages of erotic novels? You may not like it, you may not understand it, you may not enjoy it, but it is a consensual agreement between two people who are fully aware of the exchange of power involved in engaging in that kind of sex. It takes an enormous amount of trust and communication to share in that kind of activity. In sexual assault and sexual battery, there is not a freely given exchange of power, one person takes and exploits the other for their own sexual gratification, without giving anything back to their victim. The goal of the behavior is completely different. There is no comparison.
And, as Ana Navarro practically screamed at Scottie Nell Hughes on CNN last night, there is a WORLD of difference between reading erotic fiction and bragging about committing sexual battery.