Pottersville Daily Herald, Dec 14 2016
Unprecedented demand for coal results in urgent North Pole plea. ‘We need all the coal, every piece!” said spokesman A. Snowball. The sharp rise in demand caught North Pole officials completely by surprise. “Our projections were an absolute disaster this year” said Snowball, “with full production, we just might meet demand for our North American market by December 24th”.
This crisis comes hard on the heels of reported losses to the reindeer herd. According to Teamsters Hardrock and Coco, the herd is down 40% and unlikely to recover. The mood at the workshop is despondent, many report a feeling of hopelessness. “I don't know how much more we can take” said resident Hermey DDS, “We lost our dear friend Frosty in the unprecedented polar melt this winter”.
All is not doom and gloom at the Pole. Residents of the Island of Misfit Toys are delighted with their new Washington appointments. The Krampus camp is also gearing up for one of the biggest holidays in recent history. “Lying, cheating, p**y grabbing! Let's roll!” said Le Père Fouettard.