By Allen Fenster
WASHINGTON (Rooters) — Democratic National Committee Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz announced today that that the DNC will be instituting “best practices” in concussion protocols ahead of the Democratic Party’s slate of March primaries.
“It is obvious that at some point in March, a presidential candidate will emerge as the dominant favorite for our party’s nomination,” Wasserman Schultz said at a press conference at DNC headquarters.
“Given the rhetoric to to this point of the campaign, we believe that the likely nominee may swing so wildly and violently back to the center-right that it’s quite possible she could give herself — or himself, that’s a possibility, too — a severe concussion. We want to have safeguards in place in order to ensure we are taking all necessary precautions for the candidate’s short-term and long-term health.”
When asked if she was specifically referring to Hillary Clinton, Wasserman Schultz demurred.
“It’s anyone’s nomination at this point,” the DNC Chair said, “but certainly Secretary Clinton is one of the possibilities.”
Clinton has notably moved left politically during the primary season, seeking to counter an unexpectedly strong challenge from self-described Democratic Socialist Senator Bernie Sanders.
One experienced Democratic political operative who preferred to remain anonymous noted, “I think there is a strong likelihood that once Sanders has been safely vanquished, Clinton will whip back so hard to the right that she could, in fact, incur a concussion. She’s not taking all that Wall Street money for nothing.”
The operative went on to describe the feeling among many of Clinton’s deep pocket supporters as “nervousness.”
“All of this talk about ‘socialism’ and ‘Medicare-for-all’ funded by a Wall Street transaction tax has given them the willies,” said the operative. “They want things to get back to normal as quickly as possible once Sanders is gone.”
While Clinton has been eager to portray herself as a champion of the middle class, she and President Bill Clinton have long been affiliated with centrist groups in the party including the now-defunct Democratic Leadership Council and the Third Way, a group of business-friendly centrist Democrats.
Clinton’s campaign declined to comment via telephone on the DNC’s new concussion protocols, emailing a one sentence response: “Secretary Clinton feels no need to campaign in a helmet at this time.”
A Sanders campaign spokesperson, Louise Eddgerton, said, “There is no need for a concussion protocol for Senator Sanders. He won’t change direction, not abruptly and not even subtly. It’s full steam ahead.”
Wasserman Schultz said the new DNC concussion protocols would follow those of major sports leagues and the NCAA.
“We just want to be safe. We need our candidate fresh and ready to attend a whole series of events, most of them private, as we look forward to the general election.”