Well, nobody has offered any proof that neither Bernie nor Hillary is not a space alien, so it needs to be discussed, right? If nothing else, let's teach the controversy like the fundies want to do about evolution.
Where better to get information about which of our political leaders might be from Betelgeuse, Rigel or Aldebaran than at the yearly Alien Festival in Capilla del Monte, Argentina? Located smack dab in the middle of the northern half of the country, approximately 30,000 ET fans and skeptics are descending on Capilla del Monte for ten days of festivities (February 5-14, the first half being Carnaval or Mardi Gras and the latter half the Alien Festival).
You ask why is a small town in an uninteresting part of the land of the gauchos the host of such an odd event? Capilla del Monte, according to true believers, sits atop a subterranean city constructed by our extraterrestrial brethren (or overlords, perhaps) millennia ago. That city, ERKS, has still managed to evade detection even with modern tools like satellite imagery, ground-piercing radar and the like. Perhaps the aliens are using a deflector shield to confuse our devices?
That part of Cordoba province has long been famous for purported UFO sightings, with many people claiming to see OVNIs (that's Spanish for UFO, Objeto Volante No Identificado) on a fairly frequent basis. Psychics and others also believe there are powerful 'energy fields' in the area, especially on and around a hill outside of the town.
Throughout the festival, there are lectures and presentations about aliens, UFO sightings, the buried city and related subjects. Of course many of the attendees are there to party rather than to develop a deep knowledge of life on Planet X, so there are plenty of musical and theatrical events, parades and light shows.
So far, no Democratic debate has been scheduled in Capilla del Monte and both of our candidates have been suspiciously silent on the subject of extraterrestrial infiltration of our government: makes you wonder what they're hiding, right?
I haven't yet attended the Alien Festival but I have indulged in the ET mania of Argentina a bit. About seven years ago, my then-boyfriend and I visited Rosario—northwest of Buenos Aires and about halfway to Capilla del Monte—famous for its ginormous flag of Argentina at the national flag monument there. After a few days, we'd seen all the sights and consulted the oracle of Google about what else might be interesting nearby. Woohoo, we got a hot suggestion: the OVNI museum in Victoria, less than an hour away.
We hightailed it to the bustling metropolis sleepy town of Victoria, on the other side of the Paraná river. Believe me, there's not much interesting there. Either all of the townsfolk had been abducted by flying saucers or everyone was taking an afternoon siesta. Even the museum was closed but at least there was a sign saying they would open in a couple of hours. We walked all over town, counting the free-range chickens and goats to pass the time.
Finally the big moment was at hand. We had to battle our way through the crowd of nine people vying for entrance to the otherworldly sanctuary, where rumor had it that there were actual pieces of alien spacecraft. OK, maybe 'sanctuary' is a bit of a stretch since it was just a couple of rooms of someone's house.
We entered through the converted garage, paying the small fee of 5 or 10 pesos as I recall. The walls were plastered with newspaper articles about alien sightings around the world, movie posters about extraterrestrials and photos by the museum's staff (which I think was pretty much just the director's family) of lights in the sky and odd-looking objects.
Moving into the living room, there was more of the same and several rows of chairs: we were to be treated to a lecture. My Spanish wasn't all that great back then and I probably missed half of what was said, but my ex told me it was as dull as the half I did understand. The big excitement was to come afterward when we could see and touch an actual alien object.
It turned out to be some piece of twisted shapeless metal that, as far as I could tell, might have fallen off an old tractor. However, we were assured that it had bizarre properties and unnamed scientists had been unable to even determine what kind of alloy it was.
OK, so I guess you could say the afternoon was a bust. ET didn't phone us, much less phone home to Alpha Centauri. Nevertheless, I can now say I have been to a genuine UFO museum and seen and touched something that UFO fanatics are sure came to us from outer space. Best of all, we weren't still in Rosario looking at that oversized flag yet again.
I still don't know about Bernie and Hillary. But at least with my now advanced knowledge of aliens I can tell you that Ted Cruz is indeed a lizard-conqueror from Antares—the museum did teach me how to spot those cunning sneaks. The whole galaxy finds them repulsive—if for no other reason than that they quote Vogon poetry. That may explain Ted's creepy goal to rule the world someday.
[Yes, I know this is a silly article but with all of the craziness of primary season, I thought you could all use a bit of a break and have a chuckle or two. Now you may commence the diaries arguing which of our candidates is actually an extraterrestrial lizard.]