From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Oh! More Things I know: Campaign '16 Edition
The most important issue of the election will be domestic policy.
The most important issue of the election will be foreign policy.
The right brain wants inspiring big-picture speeches!
The left brain wants volumes of intricate policy specifics!
The Republicans will remain bitterly split over Trump.
The Republicans will unify around Trump.
Hillary has a better chance against Trump in the general.
Bernie has a better chance against Trump in the general.
Billionaires are succeeding at buying this election.
Billionaires are failing at buying this election.
All states are crucial states.
Except the not crucial ones.
Primaries are better than caucuses because they're quicker and more private.
Caucuses are better than primaries because you get to know your neighbors, talk politics, and beat them over the head in person instead of taking the cowardly route of destroying their mailboxes with a baseball bat at 3am.
The traditional media coverage has been helpful.
The traditional media coverage has been awful.
This primary season is amazing and I don’t want it to end.
This primary season is exhausting and I really want it to end.
And to whichever Democrat wins in November, I want you to know that I know I would make a very popular wintertime ambassador to a Caribbean nation.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, March 10, 2016
Note: Senate Judiciary Committee refuses to schedule confirmation hearings for Obama Supreme Court nominee Jesus Christ because of his "disturbing liberal policies." Film at 11.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til spring: 10
Days 'til the Ghost Ships Festival in Milwaukee: 8
Average temperature in the lower 48 states between December and February, a new record high and 4.6 degrees above normal: 36.8 degrees
New starting wage for Costco employees, after the company bumped up the rate: $13-$13.50/hr.
Number of delegates Marco Rubio picked up from the primaries/caucuses in MI, MS, HI and ID: 0
Increase in pedestrian deaths last year, due in part to drivers and pedestrians distracted by their smart phones, according to the Governors Highway Safety Association: 10%
Percent of all traffic deaths that are pedestrians: 15%
Number of MTV Movie Awards for Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens, more than any other movie: 11
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
The administration's competence problem is already at the yadda, yadda, yadda stage.
They were supposed to protect us from terrorist attacks, they said Iraq would be a cakewalk, that we only needed 50,000 troops. They failed to plan for the occupation or Hurricane Katrina or the prescription drug plan. Yadda. […]
One of the most discouraging morsels of news in recent days is that President Bush was so enchanted by Michael Crichton's novel purportedly debunking global warming that he asked Crichton to the White House to chat with him. Help! Why can't we ever get a break? Think what would happen if the president read The Da Vinci Code.
---March 2006
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Puppy Pic of the Day:
Scarlett vs. kibble. (Spoiler Alert: Scarlett wins.)
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CHEERS to the best eight minutes you'll spend today. Elizabeth Warren was in fine HULK SMASH! form on the Senate floor yesterday, delivering a whopper of an indictment against the obstructionist Republican knuckledraggers who refuse to---she says this a lot---Do. Your. Job.
Moments after speaking she set a new distance record for Senate lectern hurling.
CHEERS to shutting off the spigot. For seventy-five years, South Portland, Maine’s waterfront has been blighted by the presence of a facility for oil tankers to unload crude and send it through a pipeline up to a Canadian refinery. It's been safely run and monitored…no disasters…but it's ugly as hell, especially the dozen giant oil storage tanks that take up a huge amount of space. It's a real eyesore and accident waiting to happen. So I was glad to hear it's going bye-bye:
The amount of oil flowing through the pipeline has been dwindling for years, and the completion last fall of a major pipeline reversal project in Canada has left the pipeline of no use.
The refineries in Quebec now get their oil from the vast oil sands reserves in Alberta. “There is no need to move crude oil from Portland to Montreal. That is a permanent change,” said John Auers, executive vice president of Turner, Mason & Co., a Dallas petroleum industry consulting firm.
The bad news: the pipeline has been re-jiggered to pump oil in the opposite direction, and the most likely substance they'll send down to Maine is---of course---that horrible, corrosive tar sands gunk. The good news: South Portland has a ban in place against it. The bad news: the pipeline company, which once promised the city it had no intention of using the pipline for tar sands oil, is---surprise!---reneging and taking the city to court. The good news: [to be filled in when the lawsuit fails.]
JEERS to Whiny McWhiner. Ammon Bundy, the ringleader of the occupation of that federal wildlife refuge in Oregon, says jail is the hardest thing he's ever gone through. Basically he sits around all day eating and pooping and ranting, versus what he did at the Malheur refuge, which was sitting around all day eating and pooping and ranting. If it's any help, Ammon, think of it this way: you're not a prisoner, you're an occupier. Keep it up, big guy…I have confidence you can hold out there for years.
CHEERS to reaching out and touching someone. 5 Exeter Place. Boston, Massachusetts. March 10, 1876. Thomas Watson receives the first telephone call. On the other end: Alexander Graham Bell. On Watson's next credit card statement: five magazine subscriptions, a life insurance policy and a dozen Snuggies.
CHEERS to visiting visitors. Due to global warming, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is migrating south today, taking up residence in the White House until he can be coaxed into a cardboard box with a plate of poutine and a case of Molson. In the meantime, he and President Obama will discuss stuff, attend a state dinner, and then participate in a cute-off that may look something like this:
Stand back—this could get dangerously cuddly.
JEERS to magic tricks of yore. On March 10, 1629---it seems like only yesterday, dun'it?---England’s King Charles I dissolved Parliament. Innocent mistake, really. He thought he was opening the fridge for some chilled kippers and it turned out to be the Ark of the Covenant. Silly Brits.
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Ten years ago in C&J: March 10, 2006
CHEERS to sinking the S.S. Dubya. It's over---Dubai Ports Wallyworld says it's turning over our port operations to an "American entity.", adding one more miserable failure to the record of our 30-something-percent president. But we're not breathing easy just yet---Port Management for Dummies just rose to #1 at Amazon.com.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to C&J's senior editor. And by senior editor I of course mean C&J's lab mix Haley, who joined our family three years ago this week.
Haley is a rescue dog---a southern belle from down yonder in Macon Georgia. Her life, especially at the start, has been full of challenges, starting with being unceremoniously dropped off at a shelter in a cage with 13 other puppies. After that: parvovirus…a sinus infection during which she was breathing much of the time through tiny pinholes in her nostrils…worms…and, last but not least, two operations a year apart to compensate for shredded ligaments in both knees (she's currently recovering from the second surgery, which was three weeks ago).
Despite all that, she's grown up to be one of the most zen dogs I've ever known, and she and her Dobbie ears have charmed everyone she's met, and that includes the cat. So after her three-year trial run with us, we hope she agrees to re-up for another year. A good sign: her suitcase is still under the bed gathering dust.
Have a fuzzy-wuzzy Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Every Cheers and Jeers Fan Is Going to Want This Stupid Bill in Portland Maine Toothpick Dispenser
---iO9
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