That’s actually the title of an article I wrote for a national newsletter, School Age NOTES about, oh, 30 years ago. I really hate saying that because unless I was 10 at the time it means I. Am. Old. So be it.
The gist of the article was that not only were teachers using time out way too much, they were using it in the wrong way. The kids are fighting over toys — time out. They are arguing over whose mother can beat up whose — time out. They are pushing and shoving to be the first in line — time out.
It seems like the expedient thing to do, meaning: "providing an easy and quick way to solve a problem or do something”. But the full definition of expedient is: "characterized by concern with what is opportune; especially : governed by self-interest”.
It’s a quick and easy way for a teacher to stop something that is annoying him or her in the short term. It doesn’t solve anything in the long term and it doesn’t teach anything. No one can learn to share toys, have a civil discussion about the strength of their mothers or learn to stand in line by being alone in time out.
To learn to share toys you have to play with toys with other people. To learn to stand in line patiently you need to practice standing in line. (There is a saying in AA about never praying for patience because you won’t get patience, you’ll get a lot of lines to stand in so you get the opportunity to learn patience.)
To learn to have civil discussions you have to have a lot of discussions. It’s helpful to have people model positive types of communication. Doesn’t necessarily have to be a mental health professionals though it often helps. You know all that, “when you _____, I feel ____”, “I’m ok, you suck you’re ok” , “What I think I hear you saying...", type of stuff. Turns out it’s actually useful
What I was arguing for in the article was that the only way to learn social interaction was by interacting socially. Time out doesn’t teach that.
The prison system in the United States is run on a sort of a time out theory and it fails spectacularly in our “justice” system as well as our schools. Time out doesn’t stop crime or recidivism. What does is community based alternatives. (Great and sad reading on this here.)
There was a hoax of a story going around for a couple of years about how an unnamed “African tribe” dealt with crime that was something like this:
When someone does something hurtful and wrong, the village takes the person to the center of town, and the entire tribe comes and surrounds him. They tell the man every good thing he has ever done.
The tribe believes that every human being comes into the world as good, each of us desiring safety, love, peace, happiness.
But sometimes in the pursuit of those things people make mistakes. The community sees misdeeds as a cry for help.
They band together for the sake of their fellow man to hold him up, to reconnect him with his true nature, to remind him who he really is, until he fully remembers the truth from which he’d temporarily been disconnected: “I am good”.
It’s a shame the story isn’t true because I believe the answer to so many of societies problems lies in community. It’s disagreeing civilly and agreeing to disagree. It’s everyone working together to support one another for the common good. Essential to this method of achieving a functioning society, one that is fair to all, is that everyone remains in the community. Time out has no place in such a society.
Loaves and Fishes
This is not the age of information.
This is not the age of information.
Forget the news, and the radio, and the blurred screen.
This is the time of loaves and fishes.
People are hungry and one good word is bread for a thousand.
-- David Whyte from The House of Belonging ©1996 Many Rivers Press
Tracy B Ann — everything I write, including, but not limited to, my name, belongs solely to me.