In an election year where significant segments of the population seem dissatisfied with the status quo, there is talk of revolutions and making things great again, and fears of fascism and authoritarianism are running rampant, the most important qualities which people look for in choosing a “good” leader seem just as polarizing as any other issue. Strength without logic has a way of appealing to people in some very scary ways, and idealism based more in fantasy than reality can ultimately be self-defeating. In a democracy, all of it is informed by popular social values which reflect a culture’s attitudes about itself, what it wants to be, and what it fears it may become. As I’ve mentioned before, for as great of an accomplishment as it is, the fundamental flaw in democracy is that when one gets down to rub of it—sometimes people choose badly.
In the grand scheme of human history, the quaint notions of equality among all persons and representative government are relatively new. Sure you can see hints of the ideas in the works of ancient political philosophers and some policies (e.g., the Magna Carta). However, as a belief which people take somewhat seriously, most of the tenets of a modern democracy are fairly recent developments. And even among the societies who've aspired to these kind of principles for centuries, they’re still working out the kinks. As of 2015, 65.9 percent of the world’s population was rated as living in countries which were “democratic” to some degree or another. However, a significant number of these countries are basically democracies on paper but not exactly in practice, since almost every country in the world claims to be democratic and represent "the people" (i.e., The People's Republic of Tyranny). According to the latest Democracy Index, less than 10 percent of humanity lives in conditions of a “full democracy.”
So let’s revisit a fascinating question: Who holds the title of being the worst leader, ruler, despot, tyrant, etc., the world has ever known?
It's an interesting question, because there are multiple ways to answer it. There have been kind leaders who were nevertheless inept and ran their nations into the ground. And there have been absolute pricks whose cruelty had people drawn and quartered on a whim, but whose contributions to their civilizations have been significant.
The question behind this diary originally came up while I was getting caught up on HBO's Game of Thrones. One of the themes of George R. R. Martin's story is the inherent instability of feudalism and dynastic rule. The main tension of the story comes from how the feudal society distorts and twists aristocratic families into perversity.
A good chunk of European history is inbred cousins with crowns either killing jockeying for position within their own family, or prostituting out their sisters and children to other kingdoms for alliances that might come in handy in case they wanted to order their subjects into battle. The Hundred Years' War can basically be summed up as a series of conflicts which happened because some of those inbred cousins got together to fight for control of France.
So, where to begin? Let’s start with the low-hanging fruit.
The "Big Three" Of The 20th Century
- Adolf Hitler: Responsible for a movement and nation that are the symbolic representation of evil in the modern world, and used as a comparison in any internet argument. Anywhere between 30 to 50 million people were either directly or indirectly killed because of his stupidity, and his genocidal insanity is legendary to this very day.
- Josef Stalin: A very paranoid Georgian —born Ио́сиф Виссарио́нович Джугашви́ли— who ruled the Soviet Union from the mid-1920s until his death in 1953. Whether his leadership during the Allied victory of World War II was a positive or negative is debated, but Stalin’s responsibility for the death and torture of around 20 million people who died from famine, purges, and other assorted hellishness of Soviet communism is not.
- Mao Zedong: A revolutionary and the first head of state of the People's Republic of China. His "Great Leap Forward" with its forced agricultural collectivization was a disaster that led to widespread famine, added to the purges of the "Cultural Revolution," altogether killed somewhere around 50 million people. Of these three, his government is the only one that still exists, and his mausoleum and portrait are still national monuments in Tiananmen Square. However, what China is today economically and culturally has very little to do with Maoism.
Other modern dishonorable mentions:
- Omar al-Bashir: He has ruled Sudan since taking power in a coup in 1989. Responsible for 200,000 to 400,000 deaths and driving another 5.3 million from their homes. Reported to be worth billions in embezzled state funds and is the first sitting head of state to be indicted by the International Criminal Court (ICC).
- The Kim Family: The "Kims" have ruled North Korea since its establishment in 1948. Over that time they've made it one of (if not the most) repressive regimes in the world. More than 100,000 people are incarcerated as political prisoners. Millions have starved to death, since the government has diverted resources to the military and nuclear weapons research. Those people lucky enough to still exist are fed a constant stream of propaganda which includes claims the Kims have superpowers. Although, food production doesn’t seem to be one of them.
- Pol Pot: Cambodian Maoist revolutionary who led the Khmer Rouge from 1963 until his death in 1998. During his time in power, the combined effects of forced labor, malnutrition, poor medical care, and executions resulted in the deaths of approximately 21 percent of the Cambodian population.
- The House of Saud: Created and have ruled the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia since 1932, with a royal net worth of more than $2 trillion. One of the last old-school "the king will have your head cut off" monarchies left on the planet. Women's rights are practically non-existent and it is illegal to practice any religion other than Islam. Permissible punishments in Saudi Arabia include flogging, stoning, amputation, beheading, firing squad, and crucifixion. There is no Saudi penal code, and trial defendants often cannot question witnesses.
- Robert Mugabe: Elected to power in Zimbabwe in 1980, after successfully leading a movement against white-minority rule. Since then, he has basically run the country into the ground and shit on everyone's rights while doing it. Inflation in Zimbabwe was so bad the government released a $50 billion note—enough to buy two loaves of bread. The unemployment rate rose to more than 85 percent. In 2008, Mugabe agreed to hold an election, but used a system similar to what Robert De Niro described in Casino. If he won, he would continue in office. But when he lost, Mugabe told his opponents to go fuck themselves. His supporters launched attacks on the opposition, killing hundreds and torturing thousands. Mugabe ultimately signed a power-sharing agreement with opposition leader Morgan Tsvangirai, but then Mugabe broke its terms and installed his own people at the head of every ministry. In 2013, a new election was held where Mugabe won with 61 percent of the vote, with some reports of irregularities, and millions claiming they were unable to vote. However, most of the world recognized Mugabe as the legitimate leader of Zimbabwe.
- Idi Amin: Probably one of the biggest believers in ridiculous military dress by a tyrant. He was also fond of naming himself different things. Amin’s full official title was: His Excellency President for Life, Field Marshal Alhaji Dr. Idi Amin Dada, VC, DSO, MC, CBE. By the time of his death, Amin added “Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Seas and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular,” as well as claiming the throne of Scotland. He is remembered as one of the most brutal military dictators in African history, running the gamut of every human rights abuse one can think of (e.g., it was rumored Amin was a cannibal), with estimates claiming the deaths of as many as half a million people occurred during Amin’s near decade-long rule of Uganda.
- Isaias Afewerki: Afewerki once led Eritrea to independence from Ethiopia, but today he deprives his citizens of all freedoms. There is no formal constitution, and every male starting at age 18 must enter “national service,” which is forced labor of indefinite length—evaders are jailed or killed. People with unsanctioned religious beliefs are imprisoned and tortured, as are journalists and activists. More than 100,000 Eritreans have escaped to refugee camps in Ethiopia and Sudan. Western officials allege Afewerki is aiding al Qaeda–linked militants, such as Al-Shabaab in Somalia.
Historically Dumb Leaders
What's worse than a ruler that damns himself in the pages of history? A ruler that damns himself in the pages of history while also wiping his entire society off the face of the Earth.
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The modern practice of diplomatic immunity can be in part traced back to the Mongol Empire and Genghis Khan. Ancient times being what they were, it was not a desirable line of work to be the poor schmuck that had to deliver a message to a foreign head of state. Genghis Khan rejected the practice of treating messengers like shit, and believed diplomats should be afforded respect, no matter how bad or good the message they carried was. And woe unto you if you should be dumb enough to kill one of his emissaries. The Mongol invasion of Khwarezmia happened after the government of Shah Ala ad-Din Muhammad II twice rejected Mongol emissaries, humiliating and killing members of the delegations. Genghis Khan responded by utterly destroying and laying waste to Khwarezmia.
The Khwarezmids did not take kindly to these "people in felt tents," and Governor Inalchuq of Otrar seized the caravan, killing all but one Mongol merchant. Genghis, at this point, was willing to give his neighbors another chance, figuring that perhaps they simply didn't realize who they were fucking with. He sent a delegation to Inalchuq's boss, Shah Ala ad-Din Muhammad II, to ask what up. The Shah responded by shaving the heads of the Mongol ambassadors, and sent their interpreter home without a head.
To avenge his lost messengers, Genghis deployed three of his "four dogs" of war, which included Subutai, better known as the greatest general who ever lived. After laying siege to Inalchuq's citadel for six months with newly-acquired Chinese technologies, Genghis finally obtained a refund for his fruit basket; supposedly by pouring molten silver into Inalchuq's eyes and mouth. Then he went after the Shah.
Genghis Khan stormed into Khwarezmia with up to 200,000 of the best trained soldiers in the world, destroyed an army five times his size, and even diverted rivers to wipe the Sultan's birthplace off the map. By the time Genghis was finished, "not even dogs or cats" were spared. The entire empire was literally erased, its four million inhabitants reduced to mounds of skeletons. The Shah himself escaped to an island in the Caspian Sea, where he died of pleurisy, bankrupt and alone. Thus cementing the popular adage, "don't kill the messenger." Especially if he works for Genghis Khan.
- Liu Shan is the second and last emperor of the state of Shu Han during the “Three Kingdoms” era of Chinese history. His incompetence is so legendary Liu Shan’s infant name of "A'dou" or "E'dou" (阿斗) has taken on the modern meaning of mental incapacity.
- The War of the Triple Alliance occurred after Paraguay President Francisco Solano Lopez declared war on Argentina, Brazil, and Uruguay simultaneously. The result was the estimated death of more than half of Paraguay’s population, which included 7 out of every 10 men.
- A little over two decades after inheriting the power and resources of Russia, Czar Nicholas II had run it all into the ground and he his family were murdered in Siberia. His fatal mistake came with joining the fun of World War I because of familial alliances.
Repression and Injustice for All
During the more than 200 years of existence for the United States, there have been more than a few horrible presidents and national leaders. Here are some considered to be among the worst.
- Warren G. Harding: Usually considered among the worst presidents ever based on scandals (e.g., Teapot Dome) which came to light after his death. While scholarly appraisals of Harding are very negative, it should be noted that when he left office, he was very popular. However, with the revelation of affairs and bribery, the image of his administration was stained with corruption.
- Andrew Jackson: Considered to be one of the founders of the Democratic Party, Jackson is infamous for killing anyone who impugned the honor of anyone he cared about, and loathing central banking, which is part of the reason his place on the $20 bill has been controversial and is slated to be modified. Jackson is remembered for espousing populist tendencies, and used his outsider credentials to reach the presidency. However, he’s also remembered for his part in the forced relocation of Native Americans, contributing to a genocide.
- Richard Nixon: Since he is the only president to have resigned the office after the Watergate scandal hit full tilt, Nixon is usually the modern image of presidential corruption in pop culture. However, the record of “Tricky Dick” as president is more of a mixed bag. He opened relations with China and people like Noam Chomsky have called Nixon the “last liberal president,” since he supported the creation of the Environmental Protection Agency, Endangered Species Act, the Equal Rights Amendment, and some other significant left of center domestic policies. But those accomplishments are largely negated and overshadowed by enemies lists, the Southern Strategy, and 18-minute gaps.
- Herbert Hoover: The stock market crash of 1929 occurred less than seven months after Hoover took office, signaling the start of the Great Depression. Hoover’s actions during the economic crisis are usually criticized for doing too little (Hoover largely rejected heavy government intervention on the basis of championing “rugged individualism”) and too much (he signed into law the Smoot–Hawley Tariff Act, which even economists of the time thought was a horrible idea). But when the 1932 presidential election came around, the unemployment rate was near 25 percent and thousands of banks were collapsing, leading to the election of Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
- George W. Bush: At the beginning of 2000, the United States was ascendant in its power as a nation and the lone superpower in the world. In eight short years, the country would suffer setbacks economically, militarily, and culturally that have redefined how we look at ourselves in the 21st century. The effect to the rest of the world by the Bush Administration’s policy can still be seen in the lingering problems in the Middle East, especially the problems with ISIS and the aftermath of the Iraq invasion. The lives lost and the economic impact of Bush’s policies are staggering to consider, and this is even before considering the Bush Administration’s part in leaving an American city to drown under water from incompetence.
The Long and Sordid History of the British Monarchy
"The plain truth is, that he was a most intolerable ruffian, a disgrace to human nature, and a blot of blood and grease upon the History of England."
—Charles Dickens, on King Henry VIII
The British monarchy exists today as a sort of economic stimulus for the tabloid industry. However, English royalty dates back to around the Eighth Century, and things start to get really interesting after the Norman Conquest and William I in the 11th Century. From then on, there have been some spectacularly shitty kings and queens of the British isles.
- King John: He's the man who fought Robin Hood in legend, but in actuality he fought numerous wars against France and lost many English territories there. During John's reign, England lost the duchy of Normandy to King Philip II of France, which resulted in the collapse of most of the Angevin Empire and contributed to the subsequent growth in power of the Capetian dynasty during the 13th century. When John tried to start another war with France, the barons of England refused, which led to another civil war, which in turn led to the signing of the Magna Carta.
- King Edward I: While Mel Gibson's Braveheart is full of historical inaccuracies, it is true that "Longshanks" did not exactly have fond feelings in his heart for Scotland. In fact, he was brutal toward them. The inscription on his tomb reads "Here is Edward I, Hammer of the Scots, 1308. Keep the Vow." Also, Longshanks was not a fan of Jews either. However, Edward I is also noted for consolidating royal power after Henry III, and laying the groundwork for parliament being a permanent institution of power which could be an authority for the administration of law, reforms, and taxes.
- King Edward II: Known as one of the most incompetent kings to ever hold the throne. His incompetence led to the famous defeat at the Battle of Bannockburn in 1314, which freed Scotland from English control and allowed the Scots to raid Northern England. Edward II's wife, Isabella of France, used a small mercenary army in 1326 to depose him, becoming regent on behalf of her son, Edward III, and then quite likely arranged Edward II's murder as well.
- Queen Mary I: Daughter of King Henry VIII, Mary I was nicknamed "Bloody Mary." She attempted to return England to Roman Catholicism and burned 300 protestants at the stake. It was during her reign that England's last bits of territory on mainland Europe was lost to the French.
- King James II: The last Roman Catholic king of England. He was known for his belief in absolute monarchy and the Divine Right of Kings. When he produced a Catholic heir, the tension exploded, and leading nobles called on William III of Orange —his son-in-law and nephew— to land an invasion army from the Netherlands, which he did. James fled England, and thus was held to have abdicated in the Glorious Revolution of 1688. This led to the passage of the English Bill of Rights, and the Hanoverian succession.
The Long and Sordid History Of The Roman Empire
Among the various emperors:
- Elagabalus: Made Emperor at the tender age of 14, he acted pretty much in line with what you'd expect a teenager to act if given supreme power over the world's largest empire: In four criminally-short years, he deposed Jupiter at the head of the Roman pantheon, was married and divorced five times, dressed up in women's clothing and prostituted himself inside the imperial palace. He was assassinated and replaced by his cousin Alexander Severus on March 11, 222, in a plot formed by his grandmother, Julia Maesa, and disgruntled members of the Praetorian Guard. They dragged his naked body through the streets.
- Caligula: According to surviving histories, Caligula revived the treason trials of his predecessor, Tiberius, opened a brothel in the palace, raped whomever he wished, reported on the woman's performance to her husband, committed incest, killed for greed, and thought he should be treated as a god.
- Nero: Murdered his mother and wife. He confiscated senators' property and severely taxed the people to build his own golden home. Whether he played his lyre while Rome burned or was involved behind the scenes in some other way, he put the blame on the Christians and had many killed.
- Commodus: Dio Cassius describes him as "not naturally wicked but, on the contrary, as guileless as any man that ever lived. His great simplicity, however, together with his cowardice, made him the slave of his companions, and it was through them that he at first, out of ignorance, missed the better life and then was led on into lustful and cruel habits, which soon became second nature." Commodus was lazy and led a life of debauchery surrendering control to his freedmen and praetorian prefects who then sold imperial favors.
When The Holy See Is Not Holy
"Now we are in the power of a wolf, the most rapacious perhaps that this world has ever seen. And if we do not flee, he will inevitably devour us all."
—Cardinal Giovanni de' Medici, who would become Pope Leo X in 1513, commenting on Pope Alexander VI's election
Cardinal Rodrigo Borgia, or Pope Alexander VI, is widely regarded as one of, if not the worst Pope in the history of the Catholic Church. Thanks to his social status and connections, Borgia rose quickly through the hierarchy of the Renaissance-era Church, with his election to Pope in 1492 rumored to be the result of bribing other Cardinals.
Pope Alexander VI quickly moved to use the Church's authority to help himself, as well as his mistresses and seven children, through confiscating land and property by force, and accusing any official or property owner of an offense that would justify the confiscation. Pope Alexander married off one daughter three different times —personally annulling a previous marriage— in attempts to gain power and wealth through the unions. There were also rumors Alexander and his daughter's relationship was more than just father and child. The corruption of Pope Alexander VI's reign was a major factor in causing the Protestant Reformation and the schism of Christianity.
Other notable figures of the Catholic Church:
- Pope John XII: Allegedly turned the papal palace into a brothel after being made Pope at the age of 18, and also allegedly was involved in incest with the women of his own family. His political inability was legendary; worried about the Italian nobles taking Papal lands in the north —largely because he would kill off his own allies and generals for petty reasons—he crowned Otto I of Germany as the Holy Roman Emperor and told him to go to town on the Italians. Two weeks later he reconsidered and tried allying with the other side, which for some reason didn't sit well with Otto. He fled before Otto came back to Rome, and when John XII eventually did return to Rome, he excommunicated all the bishops who didn't have his back (i.e., all of them). His glorious Papacy ended when, by some accounts, he was killed by the husband of a woman he was raping.
- Antipope John XXIII (aka Baldassarre Cossa): Attempted to depose Pope Gregory XII, leading to a period with three competing popes —the other being Antipope Benedict XIII. Not particularly religious, he rose through the ranks by selling indulgences (church pardons for sins and was ordained as a priest just one day before naming himself Pope. A man of hearty sexual and financial appetites, by the time he was deposed five years later, he was accused by the church of more than 70 sins.