Bzzt…
“Hello?”
“Hey Bob; The Donald here; how about I make you richer than you already are?”
“Donald? Donald who? How’d you get this number?”
“Not Donald, THE Donald. As in Trump. You know that guy who is going to be your next President. How about I make you richer than you already are?”
“Oh Jesus… What do you want Donald?”
“I’m doing great thanks. So is Melinka. We’re all doing super great, really, really good. This whole campaign thing has become really exciting for us. It really is. Fantastic experience to meet all these people and…
“What. Do. You. Want. Donald?”
“I thought I covered that already Bob, I want to make you and Madge richer than you already are.”
“Madge? Who’s Madge?”
“Your wife.”
“My wife’s name is Gloria…”
“Whatever, like it matters so long as she’s doable; am I right? Listen, I want to make you and Gloria richer.”
“Oh brother…okay Donald how are you going to do that?”
“You know as well as everyone that we gotta stop Mexico from sending us their criminals, drug dealers, rapists. We catch them and ship them back and they’re back in the country before the plane even lands. “
“My wife is Mexican Donald…”
“Well you know when I get to be President, we’re gonna be building that wall right. It will be yuge. Really, it will be a great, great wall. It will make that wall in China look like nothing. And were gonna build coast-to-coast, no gaps, no place for people to sneak in. And it will be really big so they can’t climb over either right.”
“I get it, I get it. A really big wall. What is your point?”
“Well someone has to build it. Someone has to provide the bricks, the concrete, the steel, all that stuff to complete it. Why shouldn’t that someone be you?”
“Why would it be me?”
“Because you will have bought your way to being first in line by contributing to my campaign. With the money you invest in my campaign today you will guarantee yourself a return of…an incredible amount, a really yuge ROI. We’re not talking 100 or 200 times your investment; we’re talking 1,000 or 2,000 times. That is an incredible money making opportunity right there. I plan on getting in on it myself if I can work it out with the lawyers.”
“Donald…uh…okay, how is my giving money to you…what if you lose or don’t get approval to build the wall? What then? Where’s the guarantee?”
“What the hell are you talking about? Seriously. I am a winner. I want something, I get it. When those assholes in Scotland told me I couldn’t have a golf course because it would destroy the environment or something; did that stop me? You want to go play golf in Scotland? I have a wonderful course just built. I want to be President, I’m going to become President because I am a winner. There were like 17, 20 guys trying to stop me but where are they now? Gone. That’s where. All these people try to stop me but I can’t be stopped because I don’t quit….
“Donald…Donald…Jesus Murphy…DONALD! I get it. Listen. I’ll think about it and maybe give you a call in a day or so okay. Give my assistant your number and I’ll let you know.”
“Don’t wait too long Bob. We got donors lined up around the block begging us to take their money. Literally thousands of them throwing millions and millions of dollars at us because they know a good thing when they see it. They want in on the ground floor. So if you wait too long we won’t need your money and we won’t take it even you want us to. You’ll be begging me ‘Donald take my money’ but it will be ‘so bad, so sad; don’t need it”.
“Well, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Bye Donald.”
Click