From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Things I Learned from Republicans in July
The NRA is America's oldest civil rights group (Chris Cox of the NRA)
Calling on a foreign country to commit cyber-espionage against a political opponent to help you win an election is an acceptable campaign tactic. (Donald Trump)
Name calling has no place in public life. (Donald Trump's running mate)
Whites are superior to the other racial "subgroups" (Iowa Rep. Steve King)
There is no next election! (Rudy Giuliani)
Hillary Clinton is a disciple of a Satan worshipper… (Dr. Ben Carson)
…and Satan made your child gay... (Gay-conversion torture advocate David Kyle Foster)
...and Satan is using 'Pokemon Go' to release demonic powers and murder Christians. (Radio host Rick Wiles)
Michelle Obama says slave labor was used to build the White House like it’s a bad thing. (Bill O’Reilly)
Every American should be terrified. (Fmr. House Speaker Newt Gingrich)
Drug addicts are a lost cause. Lock 'em up or let 'em die. (Maine Gov. Paul LePage)
And the best thing I learned from a Republican in July:
Michelle Obama's words can move hardcore racist Republicans to shed tears of joy. (Melania Trump)
With all that new knowledge locked in your brain, go forth now and conquer the week. Just try not to bump into any walls.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, August 1, 2016
Note: Today's random drug testing has been cancelled on account of all the random drug testers are drunk. ---Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the Rio Zika- and Pollution-dodging Games: 4
Days 'til Wisconsin's Door County Classic & Wooden Boat Festival in Sturgeon Bay: 11
Increase in red light-running crashes when cities turn off their red-light cameras, according to the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety: 30%
Number of consecutive quarters that Whole Foods sales have declined: 4
Number of monthly Facebook users in June, up 15% year-over-year: 1.71 billion
Average age of people who have a severe heart attack, according to WebMD, down from 64 in 1996: 60
Height from which from which skydiver Luke Aikins jumped without a parachute Saturday before landing safely in a net: 25,000 feet
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Puppy Pic of the Day:
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CHEERS to August. The laziest month of the year. The dog days. The month everybody, not just Congress, should be allowed to take off for vacation. (Right, France?) The month everyone wears out their whites because they know Labor Day's just around the corner.
The 13th is the high Trumpian holiday known as "Blame Someone Else Day" and the next 31 days will also see National Raspberry Cream Pie Day, Watermelon Day, Ice Cream Sandwich Day, Mustard Day, Potatoe (I prefer the Dan Quayle spelling) Day, Cherry Popsicle Day and Trail Mix Day, to be followed on September 1st with "Honey, Where Did We Put The Treadmill?" Day.
Big August flickers include Jared Leto as the Joker in Suicide Squad, an unnecessary remake of Ben Hur and food used every double-entendresque whichway in the R-rated animated Sausage Party. Loni Anderson and I (but, sadly, not Neil Armstrong, except in spirit) blow out our birthday candles on the 5th, a day after Barack Obama turns 55. Of course, it's also the month in which you never want to introduce a bogus war based on lies to the public, but there'll be plenty of bloodshed around the world all the same. Oh, and on August 18 you'll see a full moon---you'll know why we call it that when Jeeves drives me by your house in the Studebaker with my butt sticking out the back window. Don't forget to wave!
CHEERS to the Hillary bounce. Absolutely no reason to take our foot off the gas, but this is still cause for a little fist pump. Remember that PPP is one of the very few existing gold standards for polling accuracy:
PPP's new national poll, taken completely after both party's conventions, finds that Hillary Clinton emerged with a much more positive image than she had a month ago. Donald Trump meanwhile is just as unpopular as he was before the conventions. […]
In a head to head just between Clinton and Trump, Clinton hits 50% and leads Trump 50-45. A month ago Clinton led…48-44 in the head to head so there hasn't been much change. But not much change is good news for Clinton. We've been writing for months that this race is shaping up pretty similarly both nationally and at the state level to the margins Barack Obama won by in 2012---not a huge landslide by any means, but a solid victory. […] It's also important to note that most of the remaining undecided pool is very Democratic leaning.
Democrats are coming out of their convention with the public having a much better view of their party (45/48 favorability) than the Republicans (38/55 favorability). […] The Vladimir Putin/Russia issue has the potential to cause Donald Trump a lot of problems in the weeks ahead. Only 7% of Americans view Putin favorably to 69% with a negative opinion… Also problematic for Trump is that the issue of him releasing his tax returns isn't going anywhere. 62% of voters think he needs to release them to only 23% who think it's not necessary.
On the bright side for Trump, he's currently leading in a landslide among bedbugs.
JEERS to the reason why Trump is currently leading in a landslide among bedbugs. This is gonna leave a welt. Or should I say more welts...
A New Jersey man has filed a lawsuit against Trump National Doral Miami after he says he was bitten by bed bugs while staying at the resort, The Palm Peach Post reports.
The lawsuit says he was bitten while staying at the resort’s Jack Nicklaus building. Trump National Doral Miami is owned by the Trump Organization.
The man says the bites left “welts, lumps, spots on his face, neck, and arm.” Eric Linder, is asking for $15,000. Earlier this month, a judge ordered the Trump organization to pay nearly $300,000 in attorneys fees after a painting company claimed that the resort stiffed them of its last payment.
Thus explaining Trump National Doral Miami's new marketing slogan: "Make America call the front desk to complain again."
CHEERS to robed racism roto-rooters. What happens when Republicans take over a state's legislative and executive branches? They immediately set upon working to lock in their one-party rule by cheating instead of actually governing responsibly. Nowhere is that more apparent than in the racist south, where minorities aren’t viewed as citizens but second-class annoyances. So thank god we have a third branch whose job is to disinfect with sunlight:
A federal appeals court ruled that a North Carolina law illegally targeted minorities with tougher ballot access rules, such as requiring photo identification to vote, adding a new partisan flashpoint in a swing state with a raft of hotly contested elections.
The ruling Friday by the 4th Circuit Court of Appeals declared that the 2013 law violated the Constitution and the federal Voting Rights Act by targeting black voters “with almost surgical precision.” It marks the third ruling in less than two weeks against voter ID laws after court decisions regarding Texas and Wisconsin.
The law, passed two years after Republicans took control of the state legislature for the first time in a century, sought to entrench GOP politicians in power, the opinion by a three-judge panel of the court stated.
Governor Pat McCrory, who always looks like he just got rescued from a night spent trapped in a dumpster, is having the same kind of meltdown he's been having over the backlash (including losing the NBA all-star game) to the anti-LGBT hate bill he signed into law. Thus explaining why his cat has fled to the neighbors.
JEERS to words unheeded. Remember when Alan Greenspan was treated as an almighty sage, the Yoda of the financial universe, the Gollum of the Galt-goers? As long as he was saying what Republicans wanted to hear, he was good as gold. But six years ago today, in a brief moment of clarity at the height of the tea party's influence, he tossed his GOP overlords an anchor:
MR. GREENSPAN: Look, I'm very much in favor of tax cuts, but not with borrowed money. And the problem that we've gotten into in recent years is spending programs with borrowed money, tax cuts with borrowed money, and at the end of the day, that proves disastrous. And my view is I don't think we can play subtle policy here on it.
MR. GREGORY: You don't agree with Republican leaders who say tax cuts pay for themselves?
MR. GREENSPAN: They do not.
Did Republicans take his advice and offer the thanks of a grateful nation? Hardly. They took him out behind the woodshed, made him squeal like a you-know what and, unless I missed something, he's been a good little Greenspan ever since. And the beltway party invitations overfloweth in his mailbox once again.
JEERS to the bottom feeders who skulk among us. Debt collectors have every right to seek what they're owed, but their tactics often seem like they're just a notch below coming at you with a knife in a dark alley. So once again Elizabeth Warren's brainchild, the Consumer Financial Protection Agency---which turned five in July---is targeting the scumbags who buy huge lists of alleged-delinquent account holders and then turn their attack dogs loose on them:
Consumers could no longer receive multiple calls per day from debt collectors and would have more ability to dispute their bills under proposals released Thursday to overhaul the multibillion-dollar debt collection industry.
The new rules from the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau would also require collectors to have more documentation to prove a debt is owed, and initiate a 30-day waiting period for loans tied to someone who has recently died — halting all collection attempts from a spouse or child during that time. [...]
These would be the biggest changes to the industry since Congress passed the Fair Debt Collections Practices Act nearly 40 years ago.
Which brings us to today's C&J correction: we apologize to the National Attack Dog Association and its members for comparing them to third-party debt collectors. [Tosses giant bone in one direction.] [Runs away in the other direction.]
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Ten years ago in C&J: August 1, 2006
JEERS to drowning in unpopularity. Pew Research echoes four other polls that came out in July. President Bush is stuck at 36% approval. C&J instant analysis: less popular than waterskiing, more popular than waterboarding. But we're all still getting hosed anyway.
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And just one more…
JEERS to the end of human civilization. Perhaps like you, I’ve been thinking lately that Donald Trump’s finger on the nuke button would be game over. But this might beat him to it:
I, for one, welcome our new simian overlords. They couldn’t possibly do any worse than yoomans.
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Malia Obama skipped Cheers and Jeers for Lollapalooza
---The New York Post
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