The ironically-named website The Modern Man put up one of those “How-To for Harassers” articles that seem to make the rounds every so often. There has been some speculation that How to Talk to a Woman Who Is Wearing Headphones is meant to be parody, but since author Dan Bacon also sells a 10-hour video called “Get Your Ex Back: Super System” I’m going with Poe’s Law and assuming it’s real. (Is step 1 “Make sure the restraining order’s no longer in force”?)
Seriously, this is part of his alleged technique to win a woman’s heart:
3. If she hasn’t already looked up at you, simply get her attention with a wave of your hand. Wave your hand in her direct line of vision so she can’t ignore it.
4. When she looks at you, smile and point to her headphones and say, “Take off your headphones for a minute” and pretend to be taking headphones off your head, so she fully understands.
If she doesn’t understand (most women will), simply gesture that you want to talk to her by briefly pointing back and forth from you to her and say, “I want to talk to you for a minute.”
In most cases, you won’t have to go to that extreme, but some girls are shy and will be hesitant to take the headphones off right away because they are feeling a lot of nervousness and excitement about what is happening.
Dude, she’s ignoring you, not because she “doesn’t understand,” or because she’s feeling “excitement” about an experience that she probably has daily. She’s telling you NO, and she’s doing you the courtesy of sparing you an overt verbal rejection. In fact, avoiding obnoxious “pickup artists” is probably the reason for the headphones to begin with. If she really didn’t understand why you were waving your hand in her face, she probably wouldn’t be bright enough to figure out which body part went where, either.
Articles like this are made for Twitter mockery, and the responses have been hilarious: “How To Talk To A Woman Even After You've Blown Up Her Home Planet And She's Young Enough To Be Your Daughter,” “How To Talk To A Woman Who Is Actually 13 Raptors In A Trenchcoat,” “How To Talk To A Woman Who Is Only Pretending To Wear Headphones Because You Keep Trying To Talk To Her,” and “last time a man asked me to take my headphones off, it was bc i couldn't hear his screams from resting my knee on his windpipe.” But I think the winner is this article: I have decided to marry my catcaller and here is our wedding registry.
Anyway, in the hopes of selling my own video, I’m offering my own helpful article, based on excerpts of Dan Bacon’s article, on How to Talk to a Pickup Artist Who Is Wearing Headphones:
You: [Smile in a friendly, confident manner] Hey – I know it’s not normal for people to talk to someone with headphones in, but I was walking along and saw you and thought – what a beautiful soul, I just had to try to save you from eternal damnation. I’m Tara, what’s your name?
PUA: [Usually flattered by the compliment to his soul and impressed by your confidence to approach him just like every other salesperson, petition signature-seeker and evangelist who interrupts him every time he’s going about his business] Dan.
You: [Add in some humor] Cool…nice to meet you Dan. I don’t normally talk to guy with headphones, but your big green headphones were just calling out to me, telling that you need to hear about the Church of Tara.
PUA: [Most likely laughing, smiling and enjoying the interaction, because who doesn’t love it when somebody’s trying to sell you something you don’t want to buy?].
You: Anyway, so I’m on my way to worship service at the moment. How’s your day going so far?
PUA’s love to test evangelists to see how confident they really are, and a favorite test of PUA’s is to ignore an evangelist’s attempts to converse with him and see what she will do next. When the PUA avoids eye contact, doesn’t smile, and generally acts like he’s in a hurry to be somewhere else, that couldn’t possibly be a polite way of letting you know he’s not interested in converting to your religion. No, it’s a test: Will you walk away in shame, like someone who actually understands boundaries, or will you remain calm and continue trying to cram your agenda down his throat in a confident, easy-going manner?
Coming soon: How to sell emergency headphones to PUA’s who just want to be left alone.
On to Top Comments!
From SmilinAndy (his very first TC submission!):
In Hunter's diary about Michelle Bachmann saying "God raised up" Trump, McGovern78 made me chortle.
(Note from Tara: because DK5 hates me, the link isn’t working for everybody. Pixxer has it down in comments.)
From your humble (if antisocial) diarist:
Highlighted by Inland Jim: In the same Hunter diary mentioned above, Torta imagines God’s response to Bachmann.
In Leslie Salzillo’s diary, Mother weeps when she finds her son with autism did not have to sit alone at lunch on this day, TrueBlueMajority highlighted this moving comment from ArchTeryx, and this one by Me. (Not “me” as in Tara; that’s the poster’s username.)
Top mojo, courtesy of mik:
Picture quilt, courtesy of jotter: