From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Avast…or something.
It's me...Captain Billybeard, swarthy fear-instiller of the deep blue kiddie pool. Today is the most blow-me-downest day of the year: Talk Like A Pirate Day. And arrrway we go…
Tesla Motors: "Take yerself for a spin in our new electric carrr!"
American worker: "Thanks to those greedy bastards on Wall Street, I may never get to retarrr!"
Winston Churchill:"Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves, that if the British Empire and its Commonwealth last for a thousand years, men will still say, 'This was their finest arrr!'"
Daily Kos blogger: My favorite front-pager is Barrrrrb.
Daily Kos blogger with opposing view: My favorite front-pager is Joan McCarrrrter.
NASA: "To Marrrrrs!"
Rapture Fanatic: "Prepare yourself for Arrrrrrmageddon."
Driving instructor: "Put the car in Parrrrk!"
Theatre Critic: "Don’t miss the revival of Streetcarrr Named Desarrr!"
Jordan Spieth: "Parrr!"
Democratic strategist: "Them Castro brothers are rising starrrs!"
Postal abbreviation of Bill Clinton's home state: AR
RNC chair Reince Priebus: "Ready! Farrr! Aim!"
And a special bonus…
"There is a big difference between a disappointing friend and a deadly enemy. Of course the Democrats are disappointing---that's what makes them Democrats. If they were any more frustrating they'd be your relatives. But in this country they are all that stands between you and darkest night. You know why their symbol is the letter 'D'? Because it's a grade that means 'good enough, but just barely.' You know why the Republican symbol is 'R'? Because it's the noise a pirate makes when he robs you and feeds you to a shark."
---Bill Maherrrr
Thanks for reading. You've been a swarthy arrdience.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, September 19, 2016
Note: A reminder that the Netroots Nation annual fall auction starts tomorrow. If you're inclined to help 'em raise some money to help fund the annual convention (Atlanta next August), they'd love it if you could donate an item or two or ten. All you need to do is click here, look for the "donate items" icon on the left, and follow the easy instructions. If you'd rather the auctioneers do the posting for you or you have any questions, email Karen Kolber at: Karen (at) netrootsnation.org. Thanks!
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the Clinton-Trump debate at Hofstra University: 7
Days 'til the Hawaii Island Birding Festival: 5
Percent of respondents who consider Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, respectively, dishonest when discussing financial and business dealings, according to a Center for Public Integrity-Ipsos survey: 58%, 50%
Portion of hospital beds in America that are in Catholic-run facilities, according to a report in the Interdisciplinary Journal of Research on Religion: 1-in-6
Annual revenues of "faith-based enterprises" in the U.S.: $378 billion
Increase in newsstand sales of Playboy in the six months since they put the kibosh on nudity, according to FiveThirtyEight: 28%
Decrease in subscriptions since the change: 23%
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Saved by a good Samaritan on four legs….
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CHEERS to a rousing last hurrah. Barack Obama spent Saturday night speaking before the Congressional Black Caucus for the last time, delivering a barnburner and righteously demanding that everyone in the reality-based world make sure that his progress continues by electing Hillary Clinton. If you typically need coffee to wake yourself up, you won’t need it this morning if you check out this clip:
It's yet another amazing speech by Obama and you can watch the whole thing at the link above (or read the transcript here). On the other side of the political spectrum, the presidential candidate on the Republican ticket made his own statement about inclusion in America. Donald Trump says Obama is an American and we should never speak of Trump’s role as the Grand Wizard of Birthers again. Yeah. We'll get right on not getting right on that.
CHEERS to moolah matters. Even though it's a sucky Monday, there's some good news on the economic front. More of it than I expected, actually, as I gathered up some headlines from the world of dollar signs:
Food and energy prices flat in August
Americans' net worth up 1.2% in second quarter
Best weekly unemployment claim streak since 1970
Household income up 5.2% last year
California added 63,000 jobs in August
Lyft sued for overcharging New Yorkers
Average gas price $2.19
Fed seen standing pat on rates
House panel to probe Wells Fargo over unauthorized accounts
2015 poverty level declines
And as if that isn’t positive enough, Pumpkin Spice Twinkies are back. Our long national nightmare is over.
JEERS to dropping in on the neighbors. I'm bringing a fresh fruit basket to Syria to wish all the parties involved good luck on their wonderful cease fire agreement. [Knock Knock!] [Opens door…] Hello! How's everybody doing today?
Russia says US-led coalition airstrikes that mistakenly killed dozens of Syrian troops on Saturday…prompting a diplomatic firestorm…could jeopardize a fragile ceasefire.
The strikes near Deir Ezzor Airport---which the US says were intended to target ISIS but instead killed 62 Syrian soldiers, according to the Russian military---sparked a furious row between the US and Russian ambassadors to the United Nations outside an emergency Security Council meeting. […]
Australia, which says its planes were among a number of international aircraft involved in the operation, expressed condolences to the victims' families. Russia said Sunday that the blunder could place the delicate Syrian truce, in place for less than a week, under threat.
[Gently closes door] Maybe we'll check in later. Anyone want a fresh fruit basket with bullet holes in it?
CHEERS to order in the court. After more than two years of foot-dragging by the Christie administration in the face of dogged journalism by local reporters amplified by cable news, the “Bridgegate” scandal gets ripped open in court today:
[T]he legislative committee threw back the curtain on the scandal when it released thousands of subpoenaed emails, text messages and other documents in early 2014.
The government is expected to home in on the communications between [Bill] Baroni, [Bridget] Kelly and [David] Wildstein in which they appear to alternate between joking about the havoc they created and cavalierly dismissing pleas for assistance from Fort Lee Mayor Mark Sokolich. […]
In addition to the email and text evidence, much of the government's case will hinge on Wildstein's testimony. He pleaded guilty to civil rights conspiracy and conspiracy to obtain by fraud or misapply property of an organization receiving federal funds, referring to the Port Authority. Baroni and Kelly face both counts as well as several others including wire fraud. The most serious carries a maximum 20-year prison sentence.
It's a federal trial over fraud and civil-rights violations related to the traffic slowdown on the George Washington Bridge. Governor Chris Christie will be following the revelations by his cronies in the dock closely. No doubt from an undisclosed location.
JEERS to deep-sixing #20. On September 19, 1881, President James Garfield died, 80 days after some disgruntled jerk whipped out a couple guns and shot him in the back. True story: Alexander Graham Bell tried to locate the bullet using his new invention, the metal detector:
As the doctors struggled to understand the extent of Garfield's wounds, Bell, inventor of the telephone, used this machine to try to locate the bullet. When found, the machine was to send a sound to the attached telephone receiver.
Despite attempts on July 26 and August 1, 1881, Bell could not situate the bullet.
Turns out the steel springs in Garfield's bed rendered it useless. It's also unfortunate that his doctors weren't terribly familiar with the word "hygiene." Someday we'll be able to joke about it. But not today---after only 135 years, it's all still too raw.
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Ten years ago in C&J: September 19, 2006
CHEERS to the dead chimp bounce. Yeah, people are wettin' their pants over the USA Today/Gallup poll showing Bush at 44% approval. But Rasmussen shows a post-9/11 drop of 7 points, and Harris has him pegged at 38%. The three-poll average: a measly 40 percent. If he didn't have weights in his shoes he'd just float away.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to must-see TV. The Emmy Awards were handed out last night. Jimmy Kimmel let loose with some decent snark, and the major wards were won by Game of Thrones, Veep and The People v. O.J. Simpson. And very cool to see Daily Show alum John Oliver win for his HBO series Last Week Tonight. Here are some memorable speech excerpts and zingers:
"I'm between jobs now. Did you know you can make 12 dollars an hour driving for Uber? Now get outta the car...and shave that wig off your face, you godless Hollywood hippie."
---Jeb Bush, as a limo driver for President Selina Meyer (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), to hitchhiking host Jimmy Kimmel in the opening segment
“Our show started out as a political satire, but it now feels more like a sobering documentary. I think that Veep has torn down the wall between comedy and politics. … I certainly do promise to rebuild that wall, and make Mexico pay for it.”
---Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Best Comedy Actress winner for Veep
”Thank you! Obama out! Hillary in!”
---Courney B. Vance, winner for People v. O.J. Simpson
Hillary congratulated SNL winner and HRC impersonator Kate McKinnon:
"Please give transgender talent a chance. Give them auditions. Give them their story. Do that! I would not be unhappy were I the last cisgender male to play a transgender woman on television"
---Jeffrey Tambor, winning his second Emmy for Transparent
[Sigh] Still no legacy award for Hogan's Heroes. Maybe next year.
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
“Bill in Portland Maine's really good at what he does. Playing Olivia Pope, I know spin when I see it.”
---Kerry Washington
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