It was the spring of 1976. I was a sophomore at the University of Wisconsin-Waukesha, a mere lad of twenty. There was this older woman (mid-30’s) who was in a couple of classes with me. We were mildly competitive with each other, and mildly friendly.
One day we were chatting in the hallway and she reached down and squeezed my ass and said, “nice buns.”
I didn’t protest or report this assault because I believed that the prevailing sexism of the day would make me an object of derision and humor if I’d complained. Men were supposed to be open to and flattered if women sexually assaulted them. The woman assaulting me probably thought she was being friendly and paying me a compliment. The woman and I remained casual friends and even studied together on occasion.
The questions is what should I do now? I still remember her name. Moreover, she lives in the most conservative part of Waukesha County (Dousman) and is very probably a Republican. Should I track down and confront this woman, try to shame her to her kids and family? Try to get her fired if she has a job? Given how things are these days, maybe I could get her fired. But I’m concerned that doing so would make me an object of derision; that people would just think I was a stupid ass for making a big deal about something that happened 41 years ago. And that prevailing attitudes of sexism today would still discount the gravity of the sexual assault because I am a man. So I’m inclined not to do anything.
But I wonder. Do I owe it to the victims of sexual assault to try to make sure there is retroactive retribution against this woman for her flagrant violation of my personal space and her unapologetic sexual assault? Even if it was 41 years ago?