From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
”I love the Scotch. I’m Scotch myself.”
Samantha Bee ended her first totally-excellent year of Full Frontal with a look at how the Scots who live near Lord Dampnut’s golf course in Aberdeenshire have been mocking, obstructing and trolling the hell out of him. Warning: Not safe for sensitive souls whose heads explode upon hearing cuss words---and there are some amaaazing Scottish cuss words in here:
As of tonight, farmer Michael Forbes enters the C&J Kiddie Pool Hall of Fame. As inductee #1.
Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, February 10, 2017
Note: A quick heads-up (literally) that a comet may be crashing through your bedroom window in about…[looks at watch]…7 and a half hours. If you're a light sleeper, we recommend you wear earplugs.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Mardi Gras: 18
Days 'til the Westminster Kennel Club finals: 4
Weekly jobless claims via the Labor Dept., lower than forecast and the 101st week under 300k as the Obama recovery continues to bless our nation despite Trump's attempt to destroy it: 234,000
Number of words added to the dictionary by Merriam-Webster: 1,000
Percent chance that one of them, "conlang,” means an invented language like Klingon or Elvish: 100%
Amount the "Bradford Exchange" is charging in newspaper ads for a gold-plated $1 coin produced in Fiji featuring Patriots QB Tom Brady: $50
Percent chance there have been no grizzly bear attacks on public school children since Education Secretary Betsy DeVos was confirmed: 100%
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Gee, I can't imagine why he's been fired from a dozen construction companies already…
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CHEERS to perspective. Sometimes pundits say the darndest things. Howard Fineman of Huffington Post was on with Chris Hayes during All In last night (Chris's Chicago Town Hall special was postponed 'til tonight at 8ET) discussing the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals' 3-0 agreement that Judge James Robart's decision putting the Trump Muslim travel ban on ice was justified. There's no doubt whoever wrote the ban (Bannon?) is obviously a dunderhead, but Fineman says we should look beyond incompetence when assessing the court's ruling:
"I would caution against merely talking about this as 'sloppy lawyering.'
What I think the court is saying is, 'Uh-uh, this isn’t the way it works. You can operate by fiat in Manhattan real estate, you can intimidate construction contractors, you can intimidate hapless Republican presidential candidates, you can even try to bully reporters. But when you’re talking about going after the fundamental rights of the American people, it's the Constitution that rules, and you must be careful.'
This court is trying to teach Donald Trump and his people a lesson: you don’t operate this way as president of the United States. You don’t just say 'national security gives me untrammeled right to do anything outside of the Constitution framework.'"
I know it's early, but I'm starting to feel a bit more optimistic that that old shriveled piece of parchment is stronger than we think. Take your vitamins, judges…and make sure you hire dependable food tasters.
P.S. Trump responds:
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CHEERS to thinking small. I saw a headline yesterday heralding three new, super-bigly Trump executive orders on “security issues” and it took me five minutes to unclench my toes. Then I clicked on it and discovered they're all pretty milquetoast, or as The Baltimore Sun calls them, "relatively tepid, underscoring the limited ability of any president---and the federal government at large---to act on issues generally considered the purview of local government.” Behold the Great and Powerful Drumpf's grand plans…
The first order…calls on the executive branch to "strengthen enforcement of federal law" to thwart international gangs and ensure that federal law enforcement gives a "high priority" to gangs.
A second order signed Thursday creates a task force on crime reduction and criminal justice to be spun up by the Attorney General that will "exchange information and ideas" and "develop strategies to reduce crime."
The final order requires the Attorney General to develop a strategy to use existing federal laws to "prosecute individuals who commit or attempt to commit crimes of violence against...law enforcement officers."
And as a bonus executive order designed to save Sheriff Andy Taylor some time, Trump will allow Otis to let himself in and out of the Mayberry jail when he needs to sober up.
CHEERS to #16. Happy birthday, Abe Lincoln, who turns 208 on Sunday. It's no surprise that he's considered by many to be our greatest president, including the 721 historians and political scientists who contributed their opinions to the book, Rating the Presidents:
Our poll rates the category of Lincoln's Character and Integrity the highest of any president's. The poll also lauds his appointments. …
His steady leadership, rated second among presidents [after FDR], kept the Union cause alive during the Civil War's darkest days for the Union. Our experts describe this with remarks like "took America through its greatest crisis," "great moral leader," [and] "had broad strategic vision and a poet's wisdom." ...
He possessed qualities of kindness and compassion. Lincoln also had the wisdom of magnanimousness in victory, especially needed for the national healing after the Civil War. Many of the men reaching the august office of the presidency have lacked these simple but uncommon virtues, which play so important a part in governing a nation.
And he had a few choice words for what must surely be making him spin in his grave these days…President Donald Trump:
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."
"He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas better than any man I ever met."
"How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg."
Pay your respects here. And, as always: fuck you, Booth.
P.S.: Tomorrow is Sarah Palin's birthday---she turns 53. Or as she likes to put it: another orbit of the sun around the earth.
CHEERS to breaking the Trump Curse. I guarantee you everyone at Nordstrom held their breath Wednesday when Lord Dampnuts took a swipe at them on both his personal and official twitter feeds on behalf of his daughter's business. (Nepotism, anyone?) They needn't have worried. Nordstrom stock rose seven percent in two days, and celebrities came out of the woodwork, including Chelsea Handler:
Moral of the story: Trump is great for business! (Disclaimer: Just not his own.)
CHEERS to the most important day in U.S. history. On February 10, 1945, the Andrews Sisters hit the top of the charts with 'Rum & Coca Cola.' Why we don't get today off as a national holiday is beyond me.
CHEERS to home vegetation. This weekend's TV will be dominated by three letters: S-N-L. After Melissa McCarthy's Emmy-worthy turn as press secretary Sean Spicer blew up social media and "rattled" the White House, expectations are high that more high-profile actresses will be cast to lampoon Trump's 99%-male cabinet with an assist from Trump "himself," host Alec Baldwin. But first, HBO’s Real Time kicks off the couch potato'ing tonight with guests Sen. Al Franken, John Waters, Piers Morgan, Karine Jean-Pierre and Jim Jeffries. New home video releases include Ruth Negga’s Oscar-nominated turn---with amazing assistance by Joel Edgerton---in Loving, about the lead-up to the landmark Supreme Court case Loving vs. Virginia. The NHL schedule is here, and the NBA schedule is here. Sunday's a big night with the Grammy Awards at 8 on CBS (see the nominees here), the next-to-last episode of the riveting HBO "limited series" The Young Pope at 9, and---hallelujah!---the return of Brit wit John Oliver to HBO's Last Week Tonight at 11pm…and lord knows he has a lot of sacred-cow skewering to catch up on.
Now here's your Sunday morning lineup, so you know what you’ll be missing because you’ll be watching A.M. Joy instead:
Meet the Press: Main guests TBA; The four people on the pundit panel are of no consequence and should be fed to the lions.
This Week: Main guests TBA; The four people on the pundit panel are of no consequence and should be fed to the dogs.
Face the Nation: Main guests TBA; The four people on the pundit panel are of no consequence and should be fed to the gators.
CNN's State of the Union: Sen. Al Franken (D-MN); Least-popular governor in the United States Chris Christie on how his butt is healing after he got it chewed off by the Trump revenge machine. The four people on the pundit panel are of no consequence and should be fed to the sharks.
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Senator Ben Cardin (D-MD). I had to check that six times because I couldn’t believe they booked a Democrat. Fox News should check their CO2 detectors. The four people on the pundit panel are of no consequence and should be fed to the dirty hippie zombies.
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: February 10, 2007
CHEERS to turning the tables. In Washington state, the marriage-equality crowd is usin' the old bean by introducing a law that reserves marriage for baby-makers only:
"For many years, social conservatives have claimed that marriage exists solely for the purpose of procreation ... The time has come for these conservatives to be dosed with their own medicine," said WA-DOMA organizer Gregory Gadow in a printed statement. "If same-sex couples should be barred from marriage because they can not have children together, it follows that all couples who cannot or will not have children together should equally be barred from marriage."
In other news, Christian fundamentalists have set a new world record for backpedaling.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to a Very Barry Weekend (or...My, How Time Flies). Barack Obama officially announced his candidacy ten years ago today in front of the old state capitol in Springfield, Illinois:
"As Lincoln organized the forces arrayed against slavery, he was heard to say this: "Of strange, discordant, and even hostile elements, we gathered from the four winds, and formed and fought to battle through."
That is our purpose here today.
That is why I'm in this race. Not just to hold an office, but to gather with you to transform a nation. I want to win that next battle---for justice and opportunity. I want to win that next battle---for better schools, and better jobs, and better health care for all. I want us to take up the unfinished business of perfecting our union, and building a better America."
And here we are, looking at the improbable two-term Obama presidency in our rear-view mirror. We'll always be frustrated by the unfinished business that was left on the table, but we'll never forget why: petty, lockstep GOP obstruction (aided by Senate Democrats' failure to deal with it sooner despite knowing exactly what was going on), and a conservative movement that took leave of its senses by displaying a willingness to burn the country down before it would ever let that "foreign" and "lawless" black guy succeed. And yet, to the right-wing's tooth-grinding chagrin, big black badass Barack Hussein Obama---with many major accomplishments and zero scandals in his plus column---left America stronger and better, and he’ll end up higher on historians' Best Presidents lists than their patron saint Ronald Reagan. That's gonna hurt their delicate snowflake feefees. A lot, I hope.
Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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