As a Jew, I was very upset to hear President Trump echo a David Duke conspiracy theory that the graveyard desecrations and bomb threats at JCCs were probably false flag operations (carried out by Jews?) to make him look bad. As a card carrying member of the Jewish conspiracy, I can say it has always been my dream to drive 7 year old children at swimming lessons to tears by making them think someone wants to blow them up and hates them just because of who they are, if it means I can nag a lil’ bad press against the Prez.
But then that speech. Oh, that wonderful speech. Sure, he said we should get ready for something called V.O.I.C.E. — Victims of Immigration Crime Engagement — but he read it off a teleprompter without shitting himself, so I started to see him as the President. I really loved his tone of voice when he mentioned VOICE, you know? It really soothed me. He sounded just like a movie president from a mid-to-low budget science fiction movie from circa 1987 when President Hardsteele says we aren’t going to take this shit from the robots anymore or something like that.
Like, if Trump had shit himself I would TOTALLY still be super ticked off. But since he didn’t just make farting noises in his armpit, and said his loathsome bullshit slightly more articulately than usual, I dunno, I feel like I should give him a chance or something. I went to bed completely confused.
But check this out. Lowe’s is up 9.8% in early trading! My man said American steel only in the pipelines! Maybe he’ll buy it at Lowe’s? Whoever the infrastructure czar ends up being (is Stephen Baldwin available?) is going to walk into Lowe’s with his Department of the Treasury Credit card and buy all the steel those motherfucker’s got.
Please, nobody say the pundit class and the markets are as dumb as a box of rocks. That would spoil my high. My President can read scripts! My president can read scripts!