You know how a song gets stuck in your mind? Janis Ian’s “At Seventeen” was stuck in my head as I was reading about the 40% of Americans who strongly support Trump. So here’s an ode to the core Trumpster to the tune of “At Seventeen.”
I learned the truth at seventeen
The year I joined the Trump campaign
A humorless group with phony smiles
Who side with the boss, but then get fired
The frivolous thoughts of youth
Were as dangerous as John Wilkes Booth
Fun was meant for liberals
At seventeen, I learned the truth
And those of us with angry faces
Who hung around with paranoid crazies
And claimed that women belong at home
While dialing up sex chats on the phone
Complaining about how liberal immorality
Is ruining our society
It isn’t all it seems, at seventeen
The brown eyed girl at the McDonald’s in townWho Trump warned me about
Asked would you go out with me
But I was certain she was here illegally
She was hot and I should have said yes
But instead I called the INS
Then I called Sean Hannity
It isn’t all it seems, at seventeen
I said things some that are insane
President Obama I liked to blame
For everything that seemed to go wrong
Even the size of my dong
With sinister eyes I stared at you
Wondering if you are a Jew
I read propaganda on Breitbart by the ream, at seventeen
I liked the union busting gang
Who took dad’s pension, which they drained
And I wondered why my name was never called
As my efforts to date always stalled
I had no friends it really seems
Except the bloggers on my screen
I wasted all my days of youth
Aspiring to be uncouth
I hated scientists who dared
To use their brains and seem to care
Trying to save us from a fate that’s cruel
Which didn’t mesh with my gene pool
They talked and said “look at these facts”
But I surfed the net for posts by hacks
To read about how Hillary killed Vince Foster
I joined Trump’s campaign, at seventeen.