I’ve only recently learned from President Trump and his supporters that colluding with a foreign power to influence elections is a-ok. Who woulda thought? But since I’m sure Mr. Trump and Brit Hume would never lie to me I now know it’s only natural to get the help of other governments to win elections.
So here’s the thing… we can’t do anything about Trump right now. But there’s a guy coming up for reelection next year who has to go. Devin Nunes. He’s no friend to Mexico, that’s for sure. He’s all about helping his pal Trump and we all know how Trump feels about you. So let’s take this one out. What do you say?
Here’s what I’ve learned so far: It’s absolutely okay to hack his email and use what you find in the most incriminating way possible. Apparently I’m even allowed to direct you in how to use the stolen documents in case you’re not familiar enough with American politics. That’s got to help, huh?
Also: it’s standard operating procedure, apparently, to fake some documents that make it look like HE is the one colluding with you.
But this is gonna take some money! Luckily Mr. Trump has also shown the way to get the money — we’ll launder money through real estate purchases. You buy a couple of houses in Beverly Hills for twice what they’re worth and we make sure you get much more back in benefit through our new power in congress. Win-win, baby!
In conclusion…. let’s do this thing! We’ll work out the kinks so that when the next presidential election comes we can work together on that too. Maybe we’ll bring in some new allies for that one, since there must be no shortage of countries that want to control aspects of the US government. It’s a brave new world of collusion.