Ursulafaw requested a repost of this Christmas classic from 2016.
Hope you enjoy!
'Twas the Right before Christmas
Twas the right before Christmas, when all through the states,
- 'Thug legislatures were ginning up hate.
- In Charlotte they dimmed the new Democrat's lights,
- And Columbus nixed women's health care rights.
- 'Thug voters were nestled all snug in their beds,
- While visions of Trump Care danced in their heads.
- And the wife in her sackcloth, me feeling like crap,
- Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.
- When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
- I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter!
- Away to the window I flew like a flash,
- Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash!
- The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
- Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
- When, what to my wondering eyes was displayed,
- But a gold plated Caddie pulled by exhausted Trump aides.
- With a short fingered driver, so orange and plump,
- I knew in a moment it must be Der Trump!
- More sluggish than beagles his flunkies they came,
- And he farted, and shouted, and called them by name!
- "Now, Hannity! Now, Bannon! Now, Christie, Omarosa! I say!
- On, Rudy! On, Priebus! On, Gingrich! On, Kelly Conway!
- To the top of the porch! to the top of yon wall!
- Now Drudge away! Drudge away! Drudge away all!"
- As horse hockies from a horse's rectum that fall,
- And splat with a squish to the floor of the stall,
- So up to the house-top the flunkies they flew,
- With a Caddy full of noise, and Vulgarian too!
- And then, stomach turning, I heard on the roof
- The mewing and fawning of each little goof.
- As I drew in my head, and was about to scream stop!
- Down the chimney Hair Fuhrer fell with a plop!
- He was dressed all in chintz, from his head to my floor,
- A bad Santa knock off from his mill in Lahore.
- A sack of foul juju he flung on my bed,
- And he looked like an asshole - with a badger on his head!
- His eyes-how they squinted! His sclera bloodshot!
- His cheeks looked like uni, his nose ran with snot!
- His nasty little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
- And the stumps he calls fingers look more like my toes!
- A dumb smirk played over his porcelain teeth,
- As sulfur encircled his head like a wreath.
- He had a fat face and a big ole round gut,
- An orange hued Santa crossed with Jabba the Hutt!
- He spoke a half sentence, and went straight to his work,
- Emptied all the kid's the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
- And laying half finger aside of his nose,
- He snorted a line and up the chimney he rose!
- He slunk to his Caddy, gave his flunkies the whip,
- And away they all vanished like a Chinese jacked ship!
- But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he tooled out of sight,
- "Thanks for the donation, welcome to the alt-right!"