I look at that picture that’s now almost ten years old. I still have most of those clothes. The glasses now feature prismatic lenses for strabismus, but I still tilt my head some even with them. I needed help to ascend that path to the top of that trail. I wonder how much more help I’d need today. I’m surely no better. I’m worse than I was then.
It’s a snowball effect. As you encounter neurological difficulties, people start trying to do stuff for you or help and by degrees you become weaker and weaker. Things I did for myself then I would have great difficulty doing now. This isn’t merely a rut. It’s a downward spiral and becomes darker. This isn’t a path for the faint of heart. If you don’t forget things that you lost or never got or realize where you stand relative to the accomplishments of others, it will swallow you. All this from a damn tick.
I will likely, and a bit reluctantly, go ahead with the medical port and another round of IVIg. My goals for it have changed, however. I have another use for the port: I found a med spa offering reasonable rates for infusions of vitamin C and B. I think I may try it before the port, so my assessment of it won’t be clouded by that or the IVIg therapy. But if it delivers better results than oral supplements, I will make room for it and try to get them to use the port versus sticking me, which should be easier for a qualified RN. I just have to ensure that person has no problem using it before I get it.
The IVIg might, I believe, serve to maximize what benefit I might get from a stem cell treatment by minimizing the potential that cells turn into something negative versus positive. I don’t need stem cells tor replicate Lyme or Babesia or grow into something just as bad. I have to hope I can direct them to what’s wrong to fix the problems not expand the errors.
That brings me to the biggest stumbling block: the mountain that is obtaining the funds to go forward with stem cell therapy. It remains a mystery I haven’t investigated as to why a NIH-approved study requires qualified patients to pay what appears to be close to full cost for this treatment. I say close to full cost because I did some rough comparisons with programs in India and Germany of something approximating it.
At the moment, I have raised about 1/6 of my ideal total to go ahead and schedule this. I now have to get creative and figure out how to enact a plan to create the next step to get me closer. I have ideas but only partly executed one. I attempted to feed a story idea of this campaign to a nearby newspaper. I think I sent it on Friday. There’s no response yet. I tried to feed them an angle to make it interesting but having them meet me at a cat sanctuary where I volunteer. Seeing how I struggle to do a few things would show why I want this treatment if I can amass the funds for it. And cats or kittens make better pictures. Perhaps I need to try another publication.
I contacted a few alumni periodicals. I also see there’s a way to print a Go Fund Me poster with a link to the campaign — gf.me/u/gnymzn. I have to obtain a way to print in color with a high degree of resolution, which I lack at home. Posters like that could be put up in places or displayed at varied places. It’s like I’m running for office or something. There may be an upcoming event though I don’t know the details. I just know I need this holding pattern to end in some definitive fashion.
I can’t abide stumbling and bumbling anymore. My back can’t handle the weight I have. That’s the something I believe I’m up against in terms of any clock to #DitchTheCrutches. The future is NOW.