Hello Joy,
My name is Robert and my husband and I have been big fans. My husband is even a bigger fan as he never misses an episode. He’s a very devoted fan. I am going to criticize you in this diary. But I will also offer understanding in this diary. If by a miracle chance you actually read this open letter, please read it to its conclusion.
First things first. Let’s look at a key aspect of your apology, because it helps to demonstrate your current mindset.
I hired cybersecurity experts to see if somebody had manipulated my words, or my former blog. And the reality is, they have not been able to prove it.
But here's what I know: I *genuinely* do not believe I wrote those hateful things. Because they are completely alien to me.
There are two immediate conclusions to draw from this section of your apology. Your security expert could not find proof that you were a victim of a right wing hacking conspiracy, for one reason only: you did indeed write those things. But let’s look at the second paragraph that I quoted here, you say you “genuinely do not believe” that you wrote them. That’s an odd thing to say. If you didn’t write them, belief has nothing to do with anything. You know that you wrote them.
This reality frightens you and makes it hard to imagine, because like all good people, you feel shame over things you wrote that harmed others. This means you have a conscience. A counter example would be Donald Trump and his lack of any shame for the horrible things he says and does. That’s because he has no conscience. I see the second paragraph less as a dishonest ploy, and more like wishful thinking. Am I close?
This wishful thinking exists here because those past writings of yours really are alien to who you are today. After seeing your apology, I believe you really are contrite even as your denial persists. The Joy Reid of 2018 is not the Joy Reid who wrote those awful things a decade before.
My anger towards you was never about the content of what you wrote a decade ago. My anger was with your denial, and to my understanding, a refusal to hold your self accountable. The biggest moral lesson anyone can learn is not from those who would hold you accountable, but when you hold yourself accountable.
A lot of us in the LGBT community who have criticized you have taken flack here at DailyKos. We’ve been called everything from right wing interlopers to Russian pawns. Your fans are deeply devoted to you and were willing to mock our concerns on your behalf. Real damage has been done because of how you handled this. Let me make this clear. If you had taken full responsibility and apologized, most LGBT people would have easily forgiven you.
A big part of being gay includes forgiveness. Almost every LGBT person has faced family members and/or friends who rejected them for being LGBT. According to research by The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, 26% of gay teen males are thrown out of their homes when they come out or have their sexual orientation discovered. The result is the horrible fact of being an LGBT youth in America. Though LGBT youth only account for 5% of the youth population they make up 40% of homeless youth, and literally nobody to turn to.
But you know what? When family members or ex-friends decide to open up their hearts and show love and acceptance instead of hostility, LGBT people willingly forgive. We admire those who overcome their homophobia and become champions and allies of our cause. We understand that being LGBT isn’t the only thing we must find self-acceptance for. Parents, family, friends also must find self-acceptance that they are in fact, the type of parents, family and/or friends to have someone in their life who is LGBT.
In more homophobic communities having an LGBT child is seen as a mark on parenting skills. So, the initial rejection is often, not merely about their personal beliefs, but also a case of “what will the neighbors think?” That’s not an excuse. But it is an understanding.
Joy, you have a powerful story to tell. I ask you now, to try to move past the pain and shame that you have for your past misdeeds. Tell your story. Use your platform to tell your story. Tell us not merely that you overcame your previous homophobia, but how you overcame that.
The fact of your homophobic past makes your story and voice all the more important for LGBT people. Telling that story, and telling it again and again may help a parent find acceptance for their LGBT child, and keep that child from the rejection and homelessnes they may otherwise face.
Joy, I don’t want a pound of flesh from you. No one in the LGBT community wants a pound of flesh. We know you are an ally today. What we need, that you still have not offered, is an unambiguous confession. Only at that point will your story reach its full potential of knocking down walls of homophobia, biphobia, and transphobia.
In closing, let me reiterate: LGBT people know how to forgive. It is an intricate, albeit sad, part of our.iives. That forgiveness helps us be whole parts of our family, friends, and communities. We can forgive. I can’t speak for all LGBT people, but I can say that I forgive you. But I am not just forgiving you. I want to thank you for the journey you had that now makes the old homophobic Joy Reid completely alien to the Joy Reid who is one of the best allies we have.
With Love,
— Robert
Sunday, Apr 29, 2018 · 4:36:52 PM +00:00 · RfrancisR
The first version of this post named GLAAD as the organization that conducted the research on LGBT youth homelessness. It has been edited to reflect the correct name of the organzaitiom that did conduct that research: The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. I offer my apology for the error.