Dear Canada and Mr. Trudeau,
On behalf of the entire country, we are embarrassed to yet again feel the need to apologize for the conduct of our socially-disabled representative at G-7 Leadership Camp that you hosted this last week in your lovely country. Someone was supposed to be watching him and monitoring his use of social media, but we apparently had a lapse of coverage, and we regret the ensuing public tantrum and incoherent ramblings which created a bit of a distasteful experience for others in attendance. We want to assure you that that is NOT the kind of behavior that we consider acceptable at home, and especially not when a guest of another’s home.
In contrast to the mentally imbalanced and socially impaired case of logorrhea that was so unfortunately displayed in public, we would like to offer our profuse apologies and assure you, Canada and Mr. Trudeau, that we have and continue to hold you in the highest esteem, we love having you as neighbors, and we look forward to the end of these demented ramblings our “family” member (or “member”, for short) occasionally releases like a case of verbal flatulence that is distasteful to all who have been subject to it. Counseling hasn’t helped, and he’s too big to spank, so his bullying unfortunately too often carries the day. But again, we do not consider this desirable nor condone it, we are just trying to bear through it here at home, often to the point of despair and frustration. While he won’t say it, we’re sorry. (Boy, are we sorry.)
Consequently, we would like to compliment you and your colleagues on your restraint and professionalism in the face of such petulance and blatant contempt for decorum and diplomacy. We have warned our “member” that if he doesn’t treat others with respect, that no will want to invite him or us to the global parties, but he has to be the most troubled child in history, he won’t listen to anyone, and seems determined to kick down the blocks wherever he goes. So we understand if next year it’s only the G-6 Leadership camp, we’re hoping that another part of the family will be old enough in 2021 to conduct themselves appropriately in public.
Thank you for your understanding, we understand if we will be charged for the damages he has caused, though I’m sure we will be paying for it for generations. We look forward to repairing and maintaining the great relationship we have enjoyed in the past, and hope you can soon overlook this last faux pas, as they say in your lovely Quebec.
Most sincerely,
America