The awful and beautiful thing about the New Hampshire primaries is that you get to meet all the two-faced, disingenuous, lying hypocrites face to face— at least the good face that they put on for the public— the one they want you to star-fuck. Their positions of power and celebrity imbue them with a ninja stealth which could get a person tongue-tied, or even cause the more dim-witted among us to fall under their wizard’s spell— and I am saddened to say, there are quite a few full-blown dimwits among us. Once seduced by all the right buttons being pushed, you were their pawn— to be molded like Georgia clay, or so you would think by gazing upon the sheep grazing upon the nutrient-free speeches delivered by most of the candidates. Their oratory and demeanor was designed to lull the listener into a sense of trust and familiarity.
Occassionally chatting it up with random news-gatherers and media-personalities on the scene, it was clear that they were not immune to this pixie glitter mind-control either. What I came to learn was that if you wanted access to the candidates, you had damn well better be a nice guy— which was easy enough since my thing was passing out “flowers for peace.” Obviously, there’s the part in me that wants to be liked by all, but there’s that part of me that wants to climb on top of my car and scream at the top of my lungs all the lies and fraud foolery these crooks had participated in. But, the important thing to remember was *access*… so, I became like them and put on the smiling-mask, and my Flowerman costume, and brought them gifts of frankincense and myrrh, (or at least flowers), and chatted ‘em up about anything at all which would not result in a political fist fight.
On this particular occasion, I made the drive to see Lindsey Graham who was holding this particular variation of his traveling puppet-show at some kind of Elk’s Lodge in Deering, NH. I grabbed a seat in the front row— but off to the side, since I was wearing my top hat. It had a way of causing problems in terms of obstruction, which was not a fight worth having. Before Graham was to speak, John McCain came out on the “stage”— which wasn’t a stage at all, just a patch of ground in front of a big blue “Graham 16” sign. On either side was the US flag and the State flag, to get all those feelings of patriotism swelling. McCain easily spotted me and he decided to announce my presence to the crowd. Certainly, the move was strategic— to play to my ego. Acknowledge the colorful weirdo with flowers in his beard, or risk a potentially embarrassing campaign gaffe with said flower-hippy. It was somehow part of the unwritten ground rules to the freaky dance that went on in politics— but I was building.
MCCAIN: And we have wonderful people that come. We’re honored to have you here, Flowerman, thank you for being here today.
I audibly laughed out loud.
RW: Thank you, John.
MCCAIN: You’re a famous man, we’re honored that you would be here.
I tried to fight back the laughter as McCain went back into his politicking. This, after all was a guy beloved by Lockheed Martin for warmongering and propagandizing to fatten their wallets, and fatten the wallets of their friends and cronies. Lindsey Graham of course was always there, right by his side, like two peas in a warmongering pod.
Graham eventually took the microphone, and did his best to mesmerize those in attendance— this time around addressing one of their favorite topics— helping out the Veterans— something which they didn’t in fact do. But, I would get my chance to interject my two cents during the Q&A. And so, toward the end the end of the show, Graham pointed to me, saying, “you da man,” indicating it was my time.
RW: No. You’re the man. The last time I think was out in Iowa.
I was referring to one of his events I had recently attended— though it was not in fact the last time we had seen each other.
RW: As usual, I’d love it if you’d share a prayer for peace with me. But since you were talking about the VA, there was something I wanted to bring up— a common sense, non partisan solution that i think might have applications for the VA. It’s called HR 644, which before it became gutted, was called the “Fighting Hunger Incentive,” introduced by Republican Tom Reed from New York. It’s an amazing piece of legislation which would essentially take the food waste from the United States— there’s about 33 to 40 percent of the stuff raised on farms— its just put in trash. And basically it gives a tax incentive to get the truck drivers and the people that you need to physically deliver the materials to the needy, and get it to the people at the VA. There’s a lot of homeless vets. There is an applications there.
LINDSEY GRAHAM: I’ll check it out.
I had oversimplified the issue— you didn’t have much of a choice at thees things— but it was clear that I wasn’t going to get any more of a response. War-shill wanted to move on, and avoid any weird flower-entanglements— but, I hadn’t quite gotten what I wanted yet— which was to present the image of flower-freak/ peacnik talking his way onto stage with two of the biggest warmongers of the senate. Entanglement was my mission. So, a bit of groveling simpleton mode was in order— and though it pained me to repeatedly engage in these shenanigans, it was the gig I had created for myself. There was no half-way performance art. And as much as I would have loved it if a couple of old war profiteers did an about-face and suddenly started caring about the Veterans who had survived the wars they started, any sane individual knew it wasn’t going to happen. All I could really hope for was that by presenting this weird image/ symbol to the media, maybe a couple of news outlet would pick it up and shame them into pretending to care.
RW: I don’t want to disrupt, but—
Graham was quick to cut me off, and stay positive.
LINDSEY GRAHAM: You haven’t disrupted anything. We’re glad to have you.
MCCAIN: Every time you come. We’re happy to see you again. It’s been reported that Lindsey hasn’t had a town hall meeting unless you showed up—
LINDSEY GRAHAM: I’ll say a prayer if you want.
Graham points to an audience member to take the next question, and make sure no more time was spent on the issue— but McCain surprised us all by switching it up.
MCCAIN: Can I just say real quick on this issue— on Veterans. Eight thousand veterans a year are committing suicide. That’s a shame and a tragedy. And, working with Lindsey, and a couple of us, working with family of a young man named Clay Hunt, a marine who committed suicide— it’s called the Clay Hunt Suicide Prevention act. We worked together and we passed legislation, and I’m happy to tell you we’re trying to address this issue.
They bounded back and forth on a couple other points, and then came back to my requested prayer for peace.
LINDSEY GRAHAM: Let’s pray for peace.
RW: Can I give you your flowers?
LINDSEY GRAHAM: Yes.
RW: These are flowers for peace. I’ll let you have the big one.
I had a handful of full-sized sunflowers picked from the garden.
LINDSEY GRAHAM: I’ll tell you what pal. Thank you for praying.
Graham and I hug, then McCain and I hug.
RW: Thank you.
LINDSEY GRAHAM: That’s the real deal, what you do.
RW: Thank you.
We bowed our heads for prayer.
LINDSEY GRAHAM: Lord, please bring peace to those who suffer. To those who are living through torment, and feel like there’s no better way ahead. Please give our nation the wisdom and the courage to do what’s right by your people. Bless those who are in harm’s way, on our behalf. In Christ’s name, I pray. Amen
RW: Amen
Clapping and fanfare and more hugs all around.
LINDSEY GRAHAM: Thank you very much.
Later that day, I headed over to Keene, NH to a VFW hall to catch Graham and McCain doing their thing once again. After the puppet show, McCain snuck up behind me and decided to have some fun with me— which was a mindfuck to say the least. Whether it was meant to tactically disarm me, or his happy-mask-persona had a genuine penchant for flower-hippies didn’t matter. There was nothing to be done but to go along for the ride.
MCCAIN: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Here he is. You didn’t ask your question! I told you!
RW: I tried. I raised my hand!
MCCAIN: I did not see it. I apologize.
RW: It’s all good. Gotta figure out how to turn it on.
I fumbled with my camera to catch this moment of ridiculousness for posterity.
MCCAIN: Can we do it with the flowers?
RW: Oh. Absolutely. So what are we going to say about saving the world, John?
The video was now up and rolling.
MCCAIN: I’m going to say, ‘with the Flowerman, he’s got the answers. He’s our man. If he can’t do it, nobody can.’
It was about as close to an endorsement from someone on his level as I was ever going to get.
RW: Alright! Best endorsement ever! Thank you, John.
MCCAIN: Thank you. Good to see you.
RW: Good to see you too. Did you want to hear my question?
McCain signaled that he did.
RW: My question was about the Grand Canyon. I heard that a couple of businesses were going to be allowed to be a violation of the parks service. I heard about. And I didn’t know if it was true or not. I love Arizona. I’ve been to the Grand Canyon about three or four times in the past couple of years. I love all the plateaus and mesas.
MCCAIN: Nothing that I know is happening. And I don’t think they would let it happen. But the next time you come to Arizona, let me suggest a place thats a little further north and to the east called De Che. It’s a Canyon so full of antiquities, you can’t believe it.
Having looked it up after the fact, he had to have meant Canyon de Chelly— but he continued.
JOHN MCCAIN: The Navajos still live and farm there. It has incredible history. And you know— I love the Grand Canyon. You’re going to make it, or you’re going to graft it.
RW: It’s amazing.
MCCAIN: Canyon De Che— and I promise you, you’re going to be intrigued by this. You’ve seen a famous picture, and you’ll see it. The great big Indian ruin they call “white house.” That’s down in Canyon De Che.You go around another corner— and you can go in on horseback, or you can go in on the back of the truck, and you go in for the day. You know there’s the famous picture with the car companies, where there’s this rock that goes up like that.” McCain makes the shape of a little mountain with his hands, then describes in greater detail, “and there’s a car on top of it. I think the commercial is for a Ford or a Chevrolet— that’s called Spider Rock in Canyon De Che. Look it up. Google it.
RW: Thanks for coming.
MCCAIN: Alright. Good to see you.
John may or may not have slipped me a thumb drive full of classified government secrets, but that’s a tale for another day.