My wife and I recently found out that we’re going to be having our first child, a son, in late August. We’ve tried to have a child for a long time now, and we’ve experienced pain and heartbreak along the way. This time though, much to our relief and joy, everything is going just like it should, and both mom and son are healthy and doing great. I’m sure the “Oh my God, we’re having a baby” realization will strike us at any moment though.
I wanted to do something special for my son, and so I decided to start writing him a series of letters while my wife is carrying him, and while he’s growing up. Then when he leaves the nest, I’m going to collect all of the letters and give them to him. I’m usually a very private person, but I just had to share my excitement and hope for a better future for our child, and for all children, with everyone here.
Son,
When I found out that you are a boy, and that I was going to have a son, I realized what a profoundly moving and humbling reality that idea truly is. Your mom and I are completely responsible for your well-being for the first eighteen years of your life, and then we have to let you go into the world on your own so you can find and follow your own path. It’s a journey that will surely be challenging, maddening, heartbreaking, and overwhelmingly joyous at various times, but it’s the journey of a lifetime that the three of us are taking together.
I want you to be a better man than I am. I think that should be every father’s deepest hope and wish for his son. While it took me years to appreciate and truly understand it, your granddad’s greatest gift to me was that he taught me the true meaning of being a man. He taught me that being a man means caring for others, treating others with respect and compassion, caring about things like our environment and social justice, and always fighting for what’s right. Those are the same lessons I want to teach you.
I want you to understand that being a man doesn’t mean that you ignore your feelings or that you have to be tough or strong all the time. While your granddad was a great father, I honestly wish he’d done a better job of teaching me that because it’s something I’ve struggled with my whole life. Talking about and dealing with my emotions does not come easy for me, but I want better for you. I will try my best to nurture and cultivate your emotional health and well-being. It won’t be easy for me to be honest, but I owe you nothing less than that.
I also want you to understand that being a man means questioning authority and never ignoring your own moral compass. Don’t ever let others think for you. Don’t ever accept something just because that’s how it has always been done. Never forget that it is your moral duty and obligation to speak up when you see wrong, to speak up when you see injustice, and to speak up for those whose voices have been silenced.
In short, be your own man, and know yourself so that you can understand and appreciate the strength and dignity you have inherent in yourself, and so you can recognize that same strength and dignity in others as well.
The best way that I can live up to my responsibilities to you is to be the best father I can be, not just when it is easy, not just when it is convenient, not just when I feel like it, but every day, all the time, and maybe most importantly during the times when it is the hardest. We won’t agree on everything, we’ll fight and have arguments, and sometimes you’ll feel like I’m being completely unfair to you, but I can only tell you that what I do as your father will be out of complete love and concern for you. That doesn’t mean I’ll always be right, or that we’ll always see eye to eye, but know that whatever I do, at the very least, starts out of a place of profound and complete love for you. That’s my most important promise to you.
Love,
Dad