EXTRA! EXTRA! PECKER FILES CONFIRM SUSPICIONS!
OK, we may never see the Pecker files1 (uh, thankfully?), as they are likely being burned and shredded in the West Wing right now, but revelations abound as the votes have finally come from Georgia and North Carolina, which you all have heard by now have definitively forecast the winner. And they cement the consensus that Joseph Biden is the President-elect of these Ununited <sic> States. No scoop there. (But handsprings and cartwheels, amiright?!)
What is the REAL news? Not news per se, but they STILL won’t give up, give in, and concede that they are indeed the biggest losers. This pretty much proves, beyond a shadow of the most dubious doubt, that Donald is, in fact, a duck. How do we come to this conclusion? Please, let’s indulge a flight of fancy and look at the evidence:
- Reality rains down, and rolls off his back— This man can get hit by the biggest truth, the most irrefutable givens, the most saturating of satire-inspiring facts, and it just doesn’t stick.
- He will trample over his own family for a little more bread— Now I’m not saying that the most fervent people feeding him are the biggest white-bread audience; but he has been known to feather his nest with the spoils of his own flock.
- White House policy is Duck and Cover— whether it’s the cowering sycophants of the GOP, the White House staff, or anyone in the unenviable position of defending the indefensible, official policy is too often dictated by an immature tweet rather than a chorus of reason, because let’s face it, he’s been winging it his whole life.
- He goes to great lengths to surround himself with pond scum— Daffy Rudy, Jeffrey, Sheriff Joe, oh pshaw, I’m just saying names, what kind of self-respecting, respectable person would resort to an ad hominem attack? (I guess that was a rhetorical question..)
- If it walks like a duck— If you say racist things, if you surround yourself by the most qualified racists, if you defend the most racist acts and promulgate the most racist policies as you waddle down those super-steep ramps, well then, I’m not saying it’s aliens, but… you might be a duck.
- He is surrounded by quacks— While there are plenty of smart old birds that could be giving good advice, instead he listens to “experts” who sell dubious bleach cures, who blame maladies on demonic nocturnal dream-orgies, who tell him he has a BMI of -4… Well, let’s just say that if the My Pillow Guy says it’s true, he can take that to the bank.
- Birds of a feather— Peking Duck, Muscovy Duck, Daffy Duck (OK, that last might have been a despicable example). I’m not here to dictate anyone’s friend list with unsavory ingredients, these are the fixings for totalitarian meal replacement, and his choices of fantasy wingmen is rather distasteful.
- He flies south at very opportunity and waddles around on golf courses— Like a seagull, he flies in, craps all over, makes a lot of noise, and then leaves while we clean up the mess and get the bill.
- Anyone who insists, in the year 2020, on spending over $70K a year to maintain a 1950’s hairstyle known as a D.A. must be a …. well, nothing could be more fitting.
I’m sure that Kayleigh McEnany will continue to cry fowl, that Fox pundits will flock to the henhouse in protest, that Trump Steaks will get a serious Maillard reaction at the whole kerfuffle, and on January 21st, odds are that Trump is a flight risk, just so long as he picks up his toys and flies the coop so we can begin to clean up the mess he made of the country after his chickenshit presidency.
Thank you to the 50.8% of America who served up Donald on a platter, and to all at DailyKos for keeping the faith.
Don’t let the door hit you in the feathers, Donald.
1 That’s not the made up contents of a conspiratorial laptop, that’s David Pecker, the Enquiring Mind who kept a safe of tidbits of Donnie’s Dastardly Deeds, which we will probably be glad that we never see