Wednesday, Nov 11, 2020 · 4:11:26 PM +00:00 · Enoch Ro0t
We watched the sentencing hearing today. He pleaded guilty to three counts of third degree criminal sexual conduct. Five to fifteen years, plus he is permanently barred from any future contact with the victim, his oldest daughter. He may not contact his other two children again until they are eighteen. Finally, he goes on the sex offender registry.
I should be satisfied that the system worked and that he is receiving the justice he deserves. And I am. But mostly, I feel an empty sadness.
The three kids and our daughter are all seeing therapists, and they will be for the foreseeable future. The harm he inflicted upon those he was supposed to love and protect will endure far longer than his prison sentence.
His daughter gave a statement at today’s hearing. I can only imagine the bravery that took. Some of the details were explicit, and I’m not going to share them, but she once expressed concern to him about what might happen to her little sister in the future and he told her “She’s not on the menu.” Jesus Christ. His twelve year old son is at the anger stage now, and our seven year old granddaughter sleeps with her mom all the time because she ‘lost’ one parent in the blink of an eye and fears it could happen again.
Nobody wins in this story.
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Original post Saturday, July 11, 2020
This isn’t easy to write, but it needs to be heard.
Our oldest daughter’s husband has two children from prior relationships, in addition to our own seven year old granddaughter. His son is twelve and his ex-wife has custody, with weekly visits to his dad’s home. His other daughter is twenty — They took her in at age fourteen because her mother was homeless and had not sent her to school for three years. Everyone thought he was doing the right thing and stepping up to his responsibility as a father, even if somewhat belatedly.
One night a few weeks ago, our daughter texted us that she was divorcing him, and to please not call or text him until she could talk with us. Wow, where did that come from? Just days before, we were making plans for them to visit us over the Fourth. We speculated all evening about what might be going on. We found out the next morning.
He’s in jail, and won’t be out for years. Charged with 3rd degree criminal sexual misconduct. He had been having sexual relations with his own daughter for some four years, since she was just sixteen. Holy shit.
His daughter had confided in a friend about what was going on, and her friend convinced her to turn him in. And that’s exactly what she did. It was a visitation day, so his son was there along with our granddaughter. Our daughter was at work. She told him they were going out for ice cream and took them with her and her friend to the police station (smart, for the kids’ protection) and told her story.
They sent a couple officers to their home and arrested him without incident — He was there alone and was completely blindsided. Computers, phones, and tablets were all confiscated. Once he was in custody, the friend called my daughter at work and let her know what had just happened. Holy shit.
So yeah, divorce is a no-brainer. He’s already pleaded guilty, so there’ll be no trial. The charge carries a maximum penalty of 15 years, but he’ll likely get about 5. And he will never be allowed anywhere near his children again.
This bastard had us fooled, at fucking Ted Bundy levels. We all thought he was a decent guy and a good dad. That’s just the fiction he presented to the world, but he was good at it. And it was all a lie. Since this all went down, our daughter has related some other disturbing things about him we had never known about. Wish we’d known those other incidents earlier, but it wouldn’t have made a difference..
While his daughter was his primary victim, his predations have terrible ripple effects that will last for decades. She’s a strong, vibrant, intelligent young woman, but it’s going to take years of therapy to begin healing the harm he’s done to her.
At twelve, his son is old enough to understand what’s happening, and he’s crushed. He spent the first few days afterward curled up on his bed, sobbing and clutching a picture of his dad. When you’re twelve, your dad is your hero, the man you want to be like when you grow up. Then, in the space of a few hours, he learns that the father he worships is really one of those monsters who they warn you about at school. God, I feel so bad for that poor kid.
Our granddaughter, age seven, doesn’t really understand. She knows Daddy did something wrong involving her big sister, and that he has to go away for a while to get help. But she still loves him. She doesn’t yet know that she’ll never see him again. Shit, what a sad mess. We don’t know how or when to tell her in a way she’ll understand at her level. I’m sure she’ll have therapy sessions of her own..
Our daughter is moving on with her life; she casts no blame on his older daughter for what happened to her — She was just a kid , scared and vulnerable. Now they begin a new, and safer, family life and start to heal.
Both younger kids have since been interviewed by a forensic psychologist to determine if either of them had been victimized by him. Thankfully, the conclusion is that they weren’t.
We owe her friend a huge debt of gratitude for convincing her to come forward. Warning her that her little sister would be next on his list once she eventually moved out of the house was the thing that did it. We can never thank her enough for helping to save that sweet little girl from this monster.
As I said earlier, this isn’t easy; I’d rather write about how I fixed up a rusty old wrench or something. But if this helps just one other person in similar straits decide to take action about their own situation, it’ll be worth it.