All I heard was doom and gloom. I’ve been nervous about the upcoming election or should I say petrified. Perhaps this is what they wanted all along. This is why there was no COVID response. What better time to steal an election than when people are confined to their homes afraid to gather in large numbers.
I come here all the time, looking for inspiration, encouragement, and relief from my despair. I check in with the Good News, sit on the porch with Black Kos. I read what my favs have written. I leave a comment here and there.
I watch MSNBC: The ReidOut, AMJoy, Rachel Maddow. I get most of my news this way. I recently told a friend that he and I live in separate bubbles. Me on the left, and him in a place I don’t want to know.
But lately, I have lost that relief, because every where I turn, I find none. And watching Rachel the other night, I felt she was almost crying as she cut to commercial. Maybe she wasn’t, but that was how depressing the news sounded.
So, I come back here. I’m always searching, scanning, trying to find some glimmer of hope. And yet I sink deeper and deeper into the darkness. Even the Good News doesn’t seem so good. I see everything through a glass darkly yet hoping for the light. I don’t often speak of it, but I am a very spiritual person, dare I say Christian. I believe in the words from Ephesians: “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” Whether you believe it’s spiritual or not, you can not deny there is wickedness in the highest places.
Then there was a moment of excitement as we learned that Kamala would be our vice-presidential nominee.
Yay!
Well, that didn’t last long. Because now we are talking about the Post Office. DeJoy is my new DeSpair. Hands start wringing. Voices in my head are screaming. Can I wake up from this wide-awake nightmare? I’m starting to feel better in my sleeping nightmares.
And then something happened. I returned to DK this morning and it seems people are planning, motivating, more driven than before. Those who are feeling hopeless are less vocal today or maybe I’m just not reading them in the same way. I noticed a bit more push against the negative voices. How did I miss it before? How was I so caught up in the hopelessness? Maybe my nightmare wasn’t a nightmare. Maybe it was a cry to escape from a cell of my own making.
When I checked my phone I found that a friend had texted me this morning about dropping off her ballot. She said that way it would be counted on election day instead of afterwards if received by mail. She’s talking to her family and friends, making contingency plans.
My daughter offered to drop off our ballots if my husband and I didn’t want to go out. My husband said we would vote in person if that’s what it takes. He’s a vet who gets medication in the mail. He’s a vet who is always a little on the edge anyway.
That’s just a very small circle of people who have helped to lift my spirits. Actually talking with other people is getting me out of my own head, lifting me from despair and showing me there is a fight to be had, not one that we’ve already lost. A fight in which I must be a part. I’ve heard this said many times that there are three kinds of people. Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who ask what happened. I decided to stop watching and asking.
Perhaps I was starting to see that light. Because my despair is laced with fear, I think this best sums it up for me.
“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” Dale Carnegie
So, I might not be getting out really, but I did start getting busy. I shared posts about things to do. I donated to some campaigns using my gas money since I’m working from home. I requested my mail-in ballot. I signed up to volunteer with the Biden-Harris campaign in my county. I am not despairing, I am finally doing the work.