“well we’ll walk down the shoreline
one last time together...”
and what I wouldn’t give for one last walk down a shoreline,
any of the shorelines we walked down together
so many to choose from
a walk down any of those shorelines seemed to bring out the best of us
hands clasped together
a future laid out before us
and your smile rising from some holy place
a smile unlike any other smile that has ever graced this sweet old world
a world so much less sweet without that smile in it
and that world went on without you
the undertow pulling me relentlessly away from you
relentlessly into today, tomorrow
and i just went along with it
let the chance of one last walk down some shoreline go
&&&
“with your beauty so precious
and the seasons so fast”
your youngest son stood before me tonight
on the cusp of manhood
you can see it just screaming to break out of the last days of his boyhood
and it breaks me
that you can’t see it
his hair pandemic long
a mustache he’ll want to shave soon
and all i can see is the baby in a onesie
the rosy red chubby cheeks that you kissed goodbye
one long ago october morning
in full faith that you would come back to him soon
&&&
i live with someone else now
and i love her with all my might
and might it takes sometime
you know that of course
we traveled far beyond the comfort
of effortless and young and easy love
no
the deeper stuff tests us to the breaking point
and then a little more
and for those willing and able to go there
you wake up to a day where you know
there is nothing that can break you apart
not even death
and i feel guilty
i suppose
that you only got that once
while i lucked into it twice
&&&
i had the oddest dream last night
they say this pandemic makes our dreams weird
i stood outside a house i have never lived in
white with green shutters for the windows
a helicopter flew overhead and then began to struggle
lower and lower
still steady at first
and then wobbling
i stood in place trying to gain a bead on its path
shit
it seemed headed straight toward the white house with green shutters
do something i thought
but i stood still
and it plowed into the house
and the house exploded into flames
&&&
the undertow carries me along
its current pulling me
away from the dreams and the nightmares and the past
and ceaselessly into today and tomorrow
but sometimes i manage to wrench my neck backwards
once in a while
late at night usually
i break free
and manage just a minute or two
to go back to some shoreline
where we walk together
to go back
to some place
where we still shine