This diary is entirely personal, a follow-up to a comment posted on Otteray Scribe's diary here. My comment is quoted below.
This time tomorrow, I’ll be eating supper with my daughter, who I haven’t seen in two years…
She’s an anaesthetist and has been on-call to the COVID ICU since this thing started. She’s had it, recovered, is fully vaccinated anyway and working double shifts. Been ORDERED by hospital management to take a couple of weeks off to decompress. The hospital is, to be fair, doing everything it can to avoid burning the staff out. She’s taking a week, has told them to stick their “couple” and that she’ll be back at work in one, even if they aint paying her for it.
We’re going to load up the backpacks and vanish into the highlands for a couple of days. I know some nicely remote spots where you won’t see another human for weeks at a time and there’s bugger-all in the way of cellphone reception.
You gotta bet I’ll be watching her eyes and listening to the things she aint saying.
Grateful as I am for the recs — all of which I took as good wishes for my daughter — I felt an update was in order. This comes to you from a tiny little train station in the Scottish Highlands waiting for my trip home.
She's not the laughing playful girl she used to be. She's a woman with a demanding job that she loves and that she does with a dedication it is impossible not to admire. At the last minute she asked if her BF could come along on the trip. He's also an anaesthetist in the same hospital and since I hadn't met him yet (that whole "two years of lockdown" thing) I thought this would be a good time to get to know him too so of course I said yes.
You have to admire my restraint. I didn't take either my shotgun or my swords along on the trip. (I've supported her out of an abusive — psychological, overcontrolling, not physical — relationship in the past and in my darker moments still regret that I didn't seek her ex out and demonstrate what a pair of black belts signify a man is capable of doing to a body... if it had been physical at any point no power on earth would have prevented me from grinding him into paste.)
I've watched her change as she trained and grew into her current role. Become the confident, professional and strong (the word isn't enough. I don't know if there is a word big enough) woman that she is and that makes my heart almost burst with pride every time we sit down and talk.
There were differences. There was almost a hesitancy about the hug when we met up at the start of the trip. Sorta defused by me shaking the BF’s hand and saying "Good to meet you. Heard a lot about you but I promise all the lies were good ones... " and then holding still while my "little girl" delivered the anticipated swat to the back of my bald noggin. There was, indeed, a shadow in her eyes as we chatted on the train up to the hike-in point I'd picked. She's been working a COVID ICU for nearly two years AND on theatre shifts and responding to codes around the hospital too. It was to be expected. This was her first break in that time. She was genuinely like my military buddies when you see 'em come home from a nasty deployment.
The hike in was physically tough (for me at least, lugging a 60lb pack doesn't come as easily to me as it used to when I was younger) and we were all pretty much in the mood to just collapse after setting up the tents. Without anything being said at all, she slapped together a brew-up and the three of us said nothing while we sucked down the tea and caught our breath. In the exhaustion, the Cairngorms began to work their magic.
By the time we were ready to pack up and hike out again a couple of days later - more lightly loaded as we'd eaten a fair bit of what we packed in - I knew I had nothing to worry about. The difficulties of the preceding two years had been put in their proper place and we'd started singing together again (part of my excess weight on the way in was bringing a guitar along.) The shadow was gone from her eyes and the parting hug was much more like what I was used to.
They've just left on their train, mine is due in an hour or so and I know she's got this. She's doing ok.
This is a woman I am immensely proud to say is my daughter.
And the BF looks like a keeper too :)
Sunday, Aug 22, 2021 · 12:05:23 AM +00:00
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LimeyExpatDave
WOW.
You guys are amazing. One slow train ride later I come back to this… This outpouring of positivity… If I needed an example of an “internet community” that does not fit the toxic profile that the cynics assume applies everywhere, my fellow kossacks have just provided me with an absolutely gold-plated one.