A Few Words from the August Birthday Kids' Table
"It took me a few years in Washington to understand how much of this town runs on war. Some of this is driven by raw profit motive, but much of it is simply due to the laudable but fatally faulty belief that there is no problem in the world that American intervention can’t solve."
—Sen. Chris Murphy (D-CT)
“If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.”
—Dorothy Parker
Continued...
"It suddenly struck me that that tiny pea, pretty and blue, was the Earth. I put up my thumb and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth. I didn't feel like a giant. I felt very, very small."
—Neil Armstrong
"Always remember: If you're alone in the kitchen and you drop the lamb, you can always just pick it up. Who's going to know?"
—Julia Child
"The heart of the [1965 voting rights] act is plain. Wherever, by clear and objective standards, States and counties are using regulations, or laws, or tests to deny the right to vote, then they will be struck down. If it is clear that State officials still intend to discriminate, then Federal examiners will be sent into register all eligible voters. When the prospect of discrimination is gone, the examiners will be immediately withdrawn. And, under this act, if any county anywhere in this Nation does not want Federal intervention it need only open its polling places to all of its people.
—President Lyndon Johnson
“Somebody has to do something, and it’s just incredibly pathetic that it has to be us.”
—Jerry Garcia
"Hey, guess what? Screw you. Try to keep up. Keep up, okay? These young punks. I will go after them—I will drop them like a bag of dirt."
—Al Roker, 67, to critics on social media that he's too old to cover hurricane Ida
"Stigma is the greatest barrier to seeking care for individuals who have mental illness, the greatest barrier for a person with a mental illness. And it’s the greatest barrier for those of us in the field who are trying to do something about it."
—Rosalynn Carter
"A few weeks ago I was able to throw out the first pitch at the Nationals game. I don't know if you saw it, but I threw it a little high and a little outside. This is how FOX News covered it: President panders to extreme left-wing of batter box."
—President Barack Obama
To the above and those in our Daily Kos community who completed another trip around the sun this month, in person or in spirit: happy birthday and many blessings on your camels.
And now, our feature presentation…
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Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, August 31, 2021
Note: In the interest of transparency, and before it shows up on some secret video, here's the complete transcript of my remarks at my $50,000-a-plate fundraiser over the weekend: "Hi. I'm hungry. Let's eat." After that it's mostly complaints about losing my bread cubes in the molten-cheese vat. You want to investigate me, Congress? Bring it on.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the start of Rosh Hashanah: 6
Days 'til the Covenanters Scottish Festival and Highland Games in Quarryville, Pennsylvania: 11
Number of people, mostly Afghans, who have been evacuated from Afghanistan by over a dozen countries since the Taliban took control of the country: 241,000
Number of women now serving as U.S. governors, a record: 9
Percent at which the economy is now operating, versus where it was pre-pandemic according to CNN Money: 93%
Average number of daily Covid-related hospitalizations over the last week, the highest number since last winter: 100,000
Years since the extended warranty on our car expired, despite a daily stream of robocalls informing us that "your extended warranty is about to expire": 5
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Tough customer…
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CHEERS to packin' up the station wagon and leaving Walley World. It is done. Mark it in the history books. Having triumphed in every possible way, including destroying the last remnants of the Taliban, al Qaeda, ISIS, and Chik-Fil-A, the United States of America is withdrawing from—[checks notes]—Afghanistan with its head held high. A nation has been built. A free society has been born. $2.3 trillion has been spent with utmost care and transparency. The world can do little this morning but cast their jealous eyes upon our greatness as we prepare to welcome our men and women in uniform back home with thunderous applause, ticker-tape parades, brass bands, all-you-can-eat buffets, balloon animals for the kids, and an approval rating for the Biden administration north of 90 percent. The sun will shine and the flowers will re-bloom. And all will be right again as Johnny and Jenny come marching home again, hurrah, hurrah. And in other news, my mom dropped me on my head when I was a baby.
CHEERS to turning off the waterworks. Louisiana and Mississippi caught the nasty brunt of H20 mega-bomb windbag Ida over the weekend. The storm’s gone, but the damage remains and it’s gonna be a big cleanup operation. This is how surreal the scene got: the winds were so ferocious that the Mississippi River changed course and blew tankers upstream:
And another WTF moment is this snip from NBC News, after 15 inches of rain fell:
The fire department said it will respond to the blazes as soon as a water source becomes available and when it is safe to do so.
No joke. Just wow.
CHEERS to historic ringy-dingies. 143 years ago this week, in 1878, the first female telephone operator in the U.S.—Emma Nutt—started working for the Telephone Dispatch Company of Boston. She was brought in after the existing operators—a bunch of male telegraph tappers who turned into snotty unhelpful little twits when they started talking to actual people—were fired. The following day they used those vital skills to form the first Comcast Cable customer service call center.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to seeing things close-up. On this date in 1842, the U.S. Naval Observatory was created by an act of Congress. (What? Congress actually did something useful? Ma, fetch the smelling salts.) Their first weekly report was brief: "We see London. We see France. We see President Tyler's underpants! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!" Now you know why he scowled so much.
CHEERS to excellent news on the pandemic front. It's all over. No, seriously, I'm not kidding. The disease is gone, the deaths have stopped, and the all-clear signal has been given. Everyone is free to go about their business again, without any restrictions or mandates. It's a beautiful thing. Just too bad it has nothing to do with Covid:
Bird feeders and birdbaths are once again welcome in Delaware backyards as a mysterious illness that had been killing songbirds appears to be on the decline. In June, Delaware, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania were among more than 10 states where dead songbirds were found after exhibiting similar symptoms.
Wildlife officials say it’s OK to rehang that bird feeder and fill the birdbath with water once again.
Experts say the aviary pandemic was solved by science, discipline, communities pulling together, and good old-fashioned common sense. Maybe one day we can try that on humans. Maybe. One day.
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Ten years ago in C&J: August 31, 2011
JEERS to deferred dedications. Yesterday was supposed to have seen the official dedication of the Martin Luther King, Jr. National Memorial in D.C., coinciding with the date of his "I Have A Dream" speech. It got called off because of Hurricane Irene. But I didn’t forget it—in fact, I commemorated the occasion with a slightly-modified MLK speech of my own as the storm left our neck of the woods: "Basement didn’t flood! Basement didn’t flood! Thank God Almighty my basement didn't flood!"
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And just one more…
CHEERS to Ed Asner. Ed Asner was born in Kansas City, Missouri, grew up in Kansas City, Kansas, served in uniform, drove a cab, worked on a GM assembly line, and then went on to play 470 acting roles during his 91 years, including this guy, who he played comedically in 166 episodes and seriously in another 114 and for which he won a boatload of Emmys:
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Also a great humanitarian and union supporter. The highest praise we can give him: Ed Asner was the Ed Asner of Ed Asners. He’ll be missed.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
"I never thought I’d say this, but I think Bill in Portland Maine may be more of a lunatic than Trump ever was."
—Howard Dean
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