(Chapter five in the Mayor Gunfumble Farce)
“...I apologize to the good people of Washington County for what happened and I deeply regret my actions that gave rise to it. On my behalf and behalf of my family, I thank you.”
“Madcap” Michalek, mustering as much contrition as a Republican can (pause for laughter), muttered these disjointed sentences on April12th, 2022. Madcap, Mayor of Hartford, Wisconsin, was making his first public statement insinuation about March 9th, 2022, the day he carried a concealed firearm into the Washington County Public Safety Building. This earned him the title, “Mayor Misdemeanor.” At the time he was also concealing an expired Concealed Carry permit (Stop giggling! Face-palm is the correct response!).
Madcap Michalek could have gotten away with it. He could have entered the building, met with the Washington County Board of Supervisors (He is both the Mayor of Hartford and a County Supervisor.), shook a few hands, told a few bad jokes, and told more than a few lies (Entirely legal under the White Male Republican Entitlement Clause of the Sovereign Citizen Constitution).
But he didn't do that. Nope. At first and ten on the five, Timothy Michalek fumbled. Or rather, his giggling ID did. There in the hallway of the Public Safety Building, Michalek's holster hiccupped! Then his handgun fell to the floor with a thud! A county employee, thinking at first it was a cell phone, picked up Michalek's courage and handed it back to him. Madcap proceeded to conceal the handgun again (Stop giggling! Facepalm is the correct response!).
None of the published accounts mention how many bystanders witnessed this unforced fumble, or who reported it. But the Washington County Sheriff’s Office got wind of the illegal motion. After investigating, they recommended he be charged with two misdemeanors: Carrying a Concealed Weapon (CCW) and Carrying a Firearm in a Public Building.
A March 24th statement from the Sheriff's Office noted, “While state law allow allows people with valid CCW licenses to carry firearms in government buildings, individuals are not allowed to carry firearms into public safety buildings (emphasis mine). In addition, a person who does not have a valid CCW license cannot carry a firearm into any government building.”
Michalek's Concealed Carry permit had expired in November of 2021. Only weeks earlier, on October 26th, Madcap's galloping Glock answered the call of gravity. This “October Surprise” was the second time he fumbled a concealed firearm at a public meeting. Maybe it's time to say this was the second time witnesses saw him fumble a concealed handgun at a public meeting. The event: a meeting of the Hartford Common Council. I. Am. Not. Making. This. Up.
“Wait,” you say, “the second time? That means there was a first time!”
Yes, incredulous reader. And that first time happened at yet another public meeting in Hartford! Spectators at that performance never came forward, never spoke publicly about what they saw!
Hartford, Wisconsin, folks. The “Duck-and-Cover” City.
City Motto: “Hartford Ducks! You Should, Too!”
The Michalek gun fumble of October 26th, 2021, was recorded by a camera in the Hartford Common Council chamber. Posted to YouTube, this second display of Mayor Gunfumble's juggling prowess attracted almost no attention. Because Republicans. The I.O.K. rule applies. You could say that local media really dropped the gun on that one.
Madcap's Concealed Carry permit expired in November, 2021. The gun fumble that gave him a new bullet point on his resume (!) took place on March9th, 2022. So in the interval, i.e., for at least three months, has Mayor Timothy Michalek, Hartford's self-appointed gunslinger, been illegally toting his concealed handgun into Hartford Common Council meetings and County Board Supervisor meetings and other public meetings that took place in public buildings? ‘Fess up, Timmy!
Speaking of confession, Did our Good Catholic mayor confess to Father, as he sat there in the confessional during Lent, that he was packing heat? “Bless me, Father, for I have (THUMP!) sinned.”
Yes, it’s possible that Bumblestiltskin has been misdemeanoring himself dizzy for months! The incompetent dolt with the Concealed Carry permit has proven three times, in front of eyewitnesses, that he cannot conceal his handgun, and cannot carry it either! And yet, after the first two incidents, witnesses merely whispered their worries, made it common knowledge that the Mayor's waistband tended to, well, randomly and recklessly discharge his holstered handgun. Oh, the idiocy. The sheer and collective idiocy required to keep quiet about Michalek's epic incompetence. It’s unfathomable. The collective mindset that aided and abetted his serial gun fumbling is...baffling. Is it cult-level loyalty, or hive mentality?
Well, it did happen in a Republican enclave, a brackish social and moral backwater.
Mayor Gunfumble's so-called apology, waved like a freshly-excised appendix from the podium at the April 12th Common Council meeting, occasioned almost no response from City Aldermen! The absence of outrage over Michalek's repeated acts of recklessness is stunning. It's as if the Aldermen were complicit. Council President Dennis Hegy declared himself an invertebrate:
“First off, I’d like to say that the citizens and the council appreciate your comments from earlier. It’s been a stressful couple of weeks for the community and I appreciate your comments.”……….
Well, what the hell, Dennis, why don’t you give little Timmy a candy bar and a balloon...
The strongest response, prolix and padded with Chamber of Commerce verbosity, came from a newly-elected Alderman:
“First, I feel compelled as an attorney to state something unequivocally: No one is above the law — period, full stop. It doesn’t matter when (sic) you’re a mayor, an alderperson, or anyone else. Second, I think this entire situation is a distraction from the great things that are happening in Hartford (author’s note: “quack, quack, quack!”), which is very unfortunate. Instead of talking about population growth, a business-friendly community or other improvements around Hartford, we are talking about this. If this continues to be a distraction —which I fear it will — I would ask that the mayor elevate the best interests of Hartford over his personal interests and do the right thing.”
He then added: “Third, I have the utmost faith in the Police Department and Chief (Scott) Macfarlan. An officer is always present at these meetings. For that reason, I would see no good reason why anyone other than law enforcement should be carrying a firearm in this building during council meetings. I have no issue with the Second Amendment (of the US Constitution), but I do have an issue with putting the safety of others at risk with a pattern of carelessness — some of which I have witnessed firsthand (emphasis mine). I think a reasonable solution is to rely only on our brave Hartford Police Officers to secure these meetings and everyone attending them, and I will support any effort to make that a reality.”
Uh, yeah, those Hartford Police Officers have to be brave if they’re going to stand in Mayor Gunfumble’s Kill Zone. But enough fawning, “utmost faith”, “brave Hartford Police Officers” blah, blah, blah, Alderman. If your obtuse statement that you “have an issue with putting the safety of others at risk with a pattern of carelessness — some of which I have witnessed firsthand” means, in fact, that you witnessed Michalek juggling his gun, say so. Be brave. Call it something like duty. (crickets...)
Winnow his wordy assertion, and ignore his genuflection to the Second Amendment, as he misunderstands it, and you can say the Alderman's statement finally aired the obvious: a Hartford Police Officer, a trained and experienced professional, is present at such public meetings. He or she is present to assure public safety. A bumbling, serial gun-fumbling Mayor is, by contrast, the antithesis of public safety.
After years of looking away from Madcap Michalek's serial gun-fumbling and pretending it doesn't keep happening, the third of three very public gun fumbles finally, finally prodded public commentary. That's a pretty high bar. Public safety in Hartford is not the priority that sane residents would like it to be. Hypocrisy much?
It looked, though, as if Michalek's “apology” was all that would be said and done about his years-long addiction to gun juggling.
Thankfully, it wasn't.
The next day, Washington County Board Chairman Don Kriefall called on County Supervisor Tim Michalak to resign. In an open letter, Kriefall wrote, “After meeting with counsel and reviewing the allegations, I am calling on Supervisor Michalak to resign from office effective immediately...If Supervisor Michalak will not immediately resign, I will be preparing formal charges seeking his removal from the Board.”
Kriefall can reasonably wonder, “Did Timothy Michalek illegally carry a concealed firearm into the Washington County Public Safety Building on other occasions, too? How far back in time did these violations begin?” And after his Concealed Carry permit expired last November, how many more misdemeanors did Michalek commit?
Time to revisit Michalek's so-called apology: He said, “...I apologize to the good people of Washington County for what happened and I deeply regret my actions that gave rise to it. On my behalf and behalf of my family, I thank you.”
Why is he thanking the assembly?
Wait a minute. Is Michalek assuming the citizens of Washington County will forgive him?!?! Does he really have the gall to presume his slate is now clean, that he can mouth a bit of poorly-phrased contrition and go back to gunfumbling as usual? He didn't even promise to leave his slippery sidearm at home when he attends public meetings?!?! What the Hell, Hartford!!! What the Hell, Washington County!!! Are you going to settle for this?!?!
Any day now, Hartford citizens and Washington County residents can expect more baffling non sequiturs from Mayor Gunfumble about his problem, the one he won't talk about. This fifth-rate melodrama waddles on. What citizens are not going to hear from Bumblestiltskin is that he is getting therapy for his hornet's nest of irrational fears. No, they are not going to hear that he has stopped the ridiculous compensatory strategy of toting around a handgun that he can neither conceal nor carry. Until we hear otherwise, this buffoon is still prepared to unload his holster anywhere at anytime, public safety be damned.
What to do? Hartford citizens and Washington County residents can demand this incompetent menace leave his handgun at home, and improve public safety...or they can brag that Hartford has stolen the title of “Circus Town” from Baraboo, Wisconsin, that quiet hamlet where, in a previous century, traveling shows wintered and rehearsed their spectacles.
But let's be positive. Let's frame it the way the Chamber of Commerce would frame it, put a positive spin on it! “Hartford citizens are lucky. They can see heart-stopping spectacles and slapstick comedy routines by simply attending a Hartford Common Council meeting! Admission is free! Kevlar is recommended.”
Laughingstock. The idiot Mayor and the dolts who support him have made the City of Hartford, Wisconsin, a laughingstock.