I know, it’s hard to believe but I can assure you it’s true; but that IS the long-term goal; to Make ALL OF AMERICA GAY AGAIN; from birth to the grave; all gay all day will be the new normal. It’s all true! I heard it directly from someone who heard it straight the cousin of the guy who heard it right from the all-knowing, Q himself. I am not kidding, my fellow Americans; this is an existential threat to our very way of life and if we don’t rise up and do something, everything will just go poof!
Where is Liar Tuck when we need him? Just asking questions, mind you. I am certainly not accusing anybody of anything. Especially not someone with such a pretty smile. He is sooo darn cute, doncha think? I would have thought he would already be out there preparing the grateful, gay multitudes for the glorious day when EVERYONE gets to come out of the closet, whether they want to or not.
From what I hear, the new uniform of the day will be pink gym shorts over fishnets (a color of one’s own personal choice, this being the Land of the Free and all), wife-beater tee shirts will be okay for indoor events but not recommended for chilly, outdoorsy weather unless accompanied with a big, fluffy boa. Sensible shoes will be frowned upon but considered sensible if the weather is icky.
STRAIGHT AIN’T GREAT will be the new recruitment slogans for the armed services and the police will be able to attract new recruits by offering mutual, anonymous, low-lit, strip-searching classes for the curious newbies who aren’t quite sure if they are tops or bottoms, yet. BEND OVER, I’LL DRIVE will be the newest version of the BUDDY SYSTEM in action.
This is all true, Tinkerbell. Making America Gay again will be the very last stage of the Republic just before the nukes are launched...and then it will be MAKE AMERICA GLOW AGAIN.