A friend of mine who lives in Kansas shared this post today. If you live in Kansas, please vote “No” on Aug. 2nd! I’m sharing it with her permission:
In December of 2014, I found out that I had a “missed” miscarriage. This type of miscarriage is where the fetus has died, but you don’t yet know it. You still think you are having a healthy baby because there are none of the typical symptoms of a miscarriage.
Like I did with Malcolm, my birth plan was to have this baby at home with my midwife. Having a home birth, the first doctor appointment starts at 10 weeks. At my first appointment, my midwife couldn’t find my baby’s heartbeat. She thought we must be a week or so off on the conception day, so we made another appointment for the following week. At 11 weeks, she still couldn’t find the heartbeat. She referred us to LMH for an ultrasound.
I was still holding onto hope. I truly believed that when we got that ultrasound, we would find a perfectly healthy baby…that there would be some sort of explanation for why my midwife couldn’t find the heartbeat yet.
Instead, we found out that our baby stopped growing at 6 weeks. I was in fact 11 weeks pregnant, but my body was still carrying the baby. I was NOT expecting this at all. I didn’t know this was even possible. I actually didn’t believe the ultrasound tech and had him call my midwife to talk with her. He put her on the phone and she told me the same information. My baby was not alive. I was so devastated. I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
I had three options moving forward.
Option 1. Continue carrying my dead baby and let nature take its course.
Option 2. Take some sort of pill to help start the process
Option 3. Schedule a D&C / Abortion
After talking through all of the options with my midwife and doctors, I ultimately decided to have the abortion. I learned about the possible serious risks involved if I let my body naturally miscarry which are very heavy bleeding, prolonged bleeding, and infection. Aside from the health risks, the thought of continuing to carry this dead baby for several weeks was also a very heavy realization. I was already so devastated that I was not going to meet this new baby. Prolonging everything was not a good option for me.
This is my story. I felt like I should share it. There are so many other stories being posted that are all valid and important for us all to hear. I don’t think everyone realizes what they are giving up by voting Yes. “Protect them both” is absolutely not true. This is about women’s health. If I were made to carry my dead baby, then not only would my risk of infection be greater, but the emotional toll would have been worse as well. Waking up every day, wondering if today would be the day that my body would finally pass my baby was really traumatic for me.
Please vote “No” on August 2nd. Even if you have trouble relating to these stories personally. Until you’ve been in a situation like this, you simply don’t know what it’s like. I’m glad I had the option to choose what was best for me.