Police are arresting domestic violence victims instead of abusers.
In 2021, my son-in-law experienced a psychotic break attacking my daughter when she demanded he apologize for a false accusation. She called me on her speaker phone to tell me about it. The accusation involved an incident that occurred two years prior in 2019. He’d been harboring a false belief that she abandoned their dog in the wilderness that was found two months later because my daughter had her chipped. The dog dug out of her enclosure and hid under the house. We couldn’t get her out. I called my son to come home and retrieve her since we had a hospital emergency. He never came. The dog vanished. We’ve suspected the neighbor of taking her for revenge against my son for causing him severe criminal charges and legal problems. He trespassed on the guys property twice ordering him to remove his fence which blocked my son from driving through the guys property to look for the dogs when they escaped their enclosure. The guy repeatedly demanded he leave but he refused to comply. The guy then fired a weapon into the air to scare him away but my son told police the guy SHOT AT HIM while driving away. The guy was arrested for domestic terrorism, his weapon seized, and the District Attorney pursued felony charges against him. With the guy fuming, he started harassment, called animal control with complaints for the dogs roaming, biting him, and demanding they seize the dogs. It became a weekly ritual. That is what started all our problems.
From my son’s home, my daughter was telling me about the accusation. I reminded her that it happened two years prior and my son was harboring a false belief he conjured up in his mind without evidence or proof. He was angry at her all that time until finally admitting to his belief in 2021. I said she would never receive an apology and to pack her things and leave him. I said he was insane and is a malignant narcissist. I knew he would never change his view even if provided proof and she’s guilty of all his charges no matter what. Nothing could ever convince him otherwise.
While talking, she trips on a pair of his dirty shoes left in the middle of the floor, stumbling, causing two pieces of recycling trash to fall. She picks the items up and tossed them out the sliding door onto his patio with other trash. I advised her not to throw his trash out the door because he would go insane. The very second I say that, he bursts through the sliding door charging at her while screaming every profane term in the dictionary while screaming at her as loud as he could to get out of his house. He heads for her throat but she turns and ducks his grasp. He grabs the back of her neck with one hand, bending her down and shoving her through the house. She’s screaming at him to let go of her neck because he was hurting her. She plead, “Please Stop, let go of my neck, You’re Hurting Me,” many times but he wouldn’t. He tried to cram her head into a wall but she blocked his effort with her left arm. She also grabbed at wall corners to try to escape his grasp bruising and cutting her arms up. She also grabbed a small bottle opener off a nearby counter to hit his hand off her neck but couldn’t reach. The bottle opener was in the shape of a wrench with rounded edges and would never have caused him harm. Shoving her by her neck through rooms and down hallways, they reached the entry to his spare room. She grabs the door frame with both her arms and frees herself from his grip. As she stood up he took his fist and hits her as hard as he can in the center of her back, sending her body flying across the room landing face down on the floor which fractured her T8 vertebrae in her spine. He then falsely imprisons her in the room. She tries to escape while screaming in tears that he is going to kill her. She cries, “Let Me Out, he’s going to kill me,” then screams for help and to summon the police.
My son-in-law is a man with over $10,000 in weapons and ammunition, some not registered that he built himself, and at least six AR15’s. She feared he would retrieve a weapon and kill her. I feared it was my daughter’s last day of life. I’ve always feared he would put her in a hospital with severe wounds to her body and head. I pleaded with my daughter for nine years to leave him because I felt him to be a very dangerous man. She never believed me saying he was a big teddy bear and thought I was just causing problems in her relationship. She constantly proclaimed her undying love for him giving him the world and dedicated her life to him. He lived rent free in her home 5-6 days a week refusing to pay me a cent of rent toward his stay when I own both my home and my daughter’s. His home is two hours away and he stays there only on weekends to work his motorcycle training job. While with us, he teaches the automotive program at the local community college. His income is ten times my daughter’s, yet she pays for everything, except her cell phone, trash collection, and the internet, all of which are to his benefit.
The physical description of my son-in-law is that he is 6’1”, over 280 pounds, and can lift a car engine. My daughter is 5’2”, 115 pounds, and is a weakling. He is also 27 years older than her and considered to be a pillar of the community but nobody sees his violent side except for the students in his classes and us. He’s screamed at them causing their expulsion for knowing more than him by lying to the administration claiming they are drunks or drug addicts attending his classes to get rid of the ones he doesn’t like or is intimidated by. I’ve seen him do it many times.
My call was disconnected after my daughter dropped her phone. She told me she searched for it to see if I was still there for her. Thinking she would die, I phoned 911 to save her. I told them what I heard happening and to please rescue her. I was two hours away and couldn’t get to her in time to save her life. Dispatch said they would call her to ensure she was safe from him until help arrived. My son-in-law discovered them and ran outside to cry for help. He tells them she was attacking him, beating on him with a can opener, scratching him, going crazy one minute and normal the next, punching holes in the walls, throwing his stuff out the door at him, was Bi-Polar, and he couldn’t stop her. So, he locked her in a bedroom for self-defense. He had scratches on his arm from their Six Husky dogs my daughter treated him for the day prior because the dogs nails needed trimming. The hole in the Wall was from a door handle that punched through the drywall when she opened it too fast in 2020, and she had repaired it. She’s never been diagnosed bi-polar nor been medicated for such. The six dogs were in the house, so, the police were afraid to go in to confirm his statements. They called my daughter to come outside to them in the garage. She does after asking if she’s safe.
There were 3 deputies waiting for her with their hands on their weapons and surrounding her. While questioning her, they were accusing her of doing the things he claimed she did. She repeatedly told them “No,” and that he went crazy and was pissed off at her for demanding an apology. He told them the fight was over cookies he wouldn’t get her on his way home from work. They twisted her words claiming in their report that she said she went crazy and was pissed off. She couldn’t tell them she was moving out and planning to leave him because he was standing behind the police with his arms folded and hanging on to her every word. If he knew she was leaving he would have stopped her from getting her stuff and throw her out without her purse, car keys, money, and identity. She was traumatized by what he had just done to her mainly because she had a broken foot and was pending surgery in a week for it. She had just been operated on for a failed gall bladder and appendix removal. She also had a breast inflammatory illness from the implants he made her get since he hated how small her breasts were. She was rejecting them and awaiting surgery for a bi-lateral mastectomy. She wasn’t someone who could withstand a physical attack nor do much to defend herself. He knew very well her physical condition. She also has a syrinx in her neck that could make her a quadriplegic if she suffered any new injury to it. He knew that as well yet grabbed her by it shoving her body by it with no regard for the serious danger he could cause her.
I heard the entire occurrence from the speaker on her phone. She’s my only child and is the most precious human being in the world to me. I wasn’t there to save her or protect her from her horrible attacker. I had to listen to what I thought was her last dying breath. I discovered she was too terrified to talk to the police I called to save her with the monster standing right by her, arms folded, intimidating her into silence. She was arrested because HE had scratches on his arm he said she did. Yet the police didn’t see skin nor blood under her clean nails and blamed her for hurting herself with the handcuffs put on her. She showed them the injuries all along her arms from wrist to elbows from grabbing walls and door frames to escape his grip. Yet the police tell her she needs to stop hurting herself.
My daughter has never committed a criminal offense in her life. She has never put her hands on or hurt or injured another sole. She’s never had a physical altercation with anyone either. She’s never used any form of illegal substances and never consumes alcohol either. She has been taught all her life that words are better than action and to never harm anyone no matter the reason. I grew up in a domestic violence household and never wanted it in my life again when old enough to leave it. I was married to my husband for 38 years without him ever having laid a hand on me. We worked our problems out. We never needed to beat each other up. My daughter was raised knowing that violence isn’t an answer to any issue and family domestic violence is against the law. She’s never been exposed to it in her life and I spent mine trying to protect her from it.
Now, we are discovering that more and more victims are being arrested by police. The abuser can make any claims saying their victim is bi-polar and police take their word as truth arresting victims. I called them to rescue my daughter yet his lies for self-preservation and caused her arrest with felony domestic violence charges when he attacked her. She loved him unconditionally and would never have hurt him. If she ever did, he would have killed her with one striking blow claiming self-defense. Times are returning to the 1920’s and 30’s when husbands sent their wives to the workhouse when disobedient. History repeats. My son-in-law would never marry my daughter or give her children and he stayed true to his word. He used her for nine and a half years for a free place to live close to his college job. The abuser gets away with his actions without any consequences for them yet the victim will face a lifetime for the charge’s against her despite the District Attorney rejecting her case. My son-in-law in law would have left her in jail for six weeks pending a trial that was rejected, all because he didn’t want to pay the $5,000 bond to get her released. I told him that he did this and to get her out of jail immediately. He did but thinks she owes him the five grand when he caused the debt with his lies.
Going to the police department to speak with the watch commander about the issue did nothing for us when presenting him with texted statements from the Ex admitting what he did to her. They sent us to the DA who said the case was rejected but that he could have her arrested for the next three years. They said the arresting officer could file a supplemental to his report with the new information. He was never available to talk to. She can’t get her name cleared for what she did not do. When police pull her name, now they see arrest for felony domestic violence. That will never go away. She has PTSD over the act and cries constantly because she keeps reliving the altercation. She’s terrified of police and jails and leaving her home. She constantly fears him returning and beating or killing her. We’ve both had to file restraining orders against him and he consistently violates them with Police or DA doing nothing to him. How are victims arrested and the abuser walks away without consequences for his actions? The police need to be more educated about domestic violence and know who called them and whom it’s for. They know the call before they arrive on site. They knew before hand that I was the one who called them and it was for my daughter being attacked by my son-in-law. How could they have made a such a tremendous mistake and further traumatize her, the victim? They wouldn’t contact me when my daughter told them repeatedly I heard everything that happened and called them for her. They ignored her requests. They didn’t believe anything she said when answering their questions. They firmly feared that she was bi-polar, which wasn’t true, and would go crazy any second. They just assumed it was true and we’re ready arrest. I can’t understand why they believed every word he said never asking her if she was Bi-polar. Why didn’t they realize he was lying when she and I both reported the same thing to them when two hours apart and in two different cities? She was called by dispatch immediately after my call to them. I told 911 he had just attacked her when on the phone with her and I heard everything happening.
The biggest problem with this issue is that many of my daughter’s constitutional rights were violated by authorities. The first violation was that she was supposed to have the right to be questioned without the abuser being present, yet he was standing within a few feet from her behind the three deputies hearing all of her responses. That violates her right to be questioned without him being present under the Phoenix Act. They were to be completely separated from each other by authorities without intimidation from the opposite party or the abuser. They didn’t question her. They interrogated and accused her of committing the acts he blamed on her without asking her about his statements which would have proved he was lying. They accused her of throwing his clothing out the door at him, which he said she did, and was another reason for her arrest. Why then would his clothes be in the kitchen/living room sliding back doorway area instead of where clothes normally are? That did not make sense and they should have verified it. First of all, he was no where in site when she tossed the dirty shoes and two pieces of recycling out onto the patio with other trash there. He couldn’t even have seen her toss anything or what it was yet they believed him. They told her she did that. Even I knew he was around the corner of the building and couldn’t see her. We discussed her tossing anything of his out the door, trash or not, is a bad idea because he would go crazy over it. He is very materialistic and it was his stuff you don’t touch. Yet the police accused her of going crazy herself and throwing things at him.
He claimed that she scratched his arms when we all knew the dogs did it and was a lie to police. She never knew he accused her of that or she could have told them he was lying because the dogs it and she had treated those scratches the day prior. I could have told tell them I also knew about the scratches the day before and that the dogs did it and how she treated them for him. She called to tell me she was scared because there was so much blood that she nearly passed out. The scratches were the main reason for her arrest. That would make his accusation untrue because scabs don’t form on wounds in a few minutes or hours. Three out of four deputies didn’t even notice his scratches were scabbed over and could not have occurred during the altercation. Later, in a text message, he lied to her that there WERE no wounds on him and that the authorities are not always truthful. He’s calling them liars. Yet, she was arrested for him saying SHE did it. With the way he attacked her there was no time for her to scratch him on his arm at any time before, during, or after the attack when he charged into the house and immediately grabbed her by her neck and forced her face down toward the floor while shoving her through the house. Logically, his statement does not make sense or hold merit. Common sense wins out because a scabbed wound means it’s healing and didn’t just happen. The text message claiming there WERE no wounds makes him a liar to the police. She had a right to know what her accuser said she did. She was denied that. Everybody is a liar except him and he’s always the victim. So, she goes to jail based on lies she knew nothing about because they would not tell her why she was being arrested.
After taking her to jail, she asked for an attorney during questioning but was told no. She asked for medical help for the injuries the Ex did to her. They sent her two ambulance drivers who did an EKG and told her she didn’t look hurt and couldn’t have her medications. She tells them she didn’t need an EKG but needed to be taken to the hospital for her injuries. It took an act of God to allow her transport to the hospital. They were not doctors nor could see through her body and see injuries. She was finally taken which was necessary since tests showed injuries to her neck and back. They gave her some of her daily medicines and pain relievers. They returned her to the jail. She kept asking why she was arrested when she was attacked. She was arrested for felony domestic violence which isn’t an arrestable charge. The arrest would have been for what she did to the victim. Domestic violence is what occurred while she was committing a harmful act. What was the harmful act she committed causing her arrest.
We both were denied access to our 911 calls to protect the victim. The law states that the calls are public property having public access. I was denied a copy of the police report since my daughter wasn’t the victim. We weren’t allowed access to the calls, the police report, or the body cams to prove what happened during her arrest and proof to what was said by all. We were denied access to our own actions. She’s being denied since he’s considered the victim. We’ve had to serve him with every ounce of information we filed with the court to obtain restraining orders. He doesn’t have to provide us with one word of his response. We have no idea what new lies he’s claimed. We called police eight times for him violating the temporary restraining orders. They were supposed to submit the violations to the DA but submitted nothing since she was the one arrested. There is now a permanent restraining order issued which expires in December provided he not commit any violations. He injured me on September 8, 2021, with his vehicle at the court house parking lot. Two deputies ordered to be there with us wouldn’t take a report or ask if I needed medical help because my daughter was the one arrested. I have to have surgery on my chest for what he did. Now, I’ve had to hire a personal injury attorney for it. His vehicle was county so I have to sue them, the college, and him. He stole my car and removed the engine which he won’t return. I have to sue him in civil court to get it back. All we do now is constantly spend all our time and money in courts and hiring lawyers. I’m treated like a criminal because my daughter is considered one. We cannot find any sources to help us prove she’s the victim. As soon as anyone hears she was arrested they no longer talk to her. Nobody believes she is innocent and the real victim who did nothing to her Ex yet stands accused of the lies he told police. Nobody cares to help correct this injustice to the true victim in this case. What made police believe him over her when I called them to save her? How could three deputies not see he was lying to protect himself. She didn’t stand a chance when they came out and spoke to him first. He would never tell the truth and go to jail for what he did to her. The police won’t accept that he filed a false report and charge him for it when we’ve provided text messages of his admission to what he did to her. It confirms what she told the arresting officers. Yet not one person will believe either one of us about what really happened that day and help to clear my daughter’s name. Her Ex knows exactly what to say and how to act when facing arrest. He learned the law from his former ex girlfriend who holds a masters degree in criminal Justice. He’s previously had court ordered anger management for his behavior which he states wasted his time and did nothing for him. He never faces consequences for his actions. He’s a predator seeking women to use and victimize and she is his ninth victim. I tried to convince her about the kind of person he is but his performance blinded her from the truth. She was too inexperienced with relationships not having been exposed to people like him. He brainwashed her from seeing the truth about him until her arrest. He was constantly abusive in his treatment of her but would become her loving guy afterward.
The biggest problem we now have is that he just violated the restraining orders again. This time it includes a possible Department of Justice Agent trying to seek the weapons he left behind in my daughters home. This DOJ agent is helping the Ex with his weaponry eleven months into the restraining order and contacting us to retrieve his remaining weapons and ammunition but his internet profile says he’s an employee for Amazon. The same phone number the agent called my daughter from matches the number who’s calling the Ex to assist him. The Ex was required to surrender all weapons within 24 hours from being served the initial restraining orders. Law enforcement told us not to give him any of the weapons we had of his nor give it to anyone representing him. My daughter called the DOJ to surrender all his weapons and ammo he left behind but never provided them with her identity. They advised her to surrender it all to our local Sheriff’s Department. She followed their advice since he refuses to quit demanding all of it from her. And now this DOJ man keeps calling her to surrender his weapons and ammo to him. He said he received an email from the department stating she wanted to surrender his weapons. She never sent such and email. She called them from her phone. Neither of us told anyone about this except our lawyer. He wouldn’t tell the Ex. How would this presumed agent have received info about her request to surrender his weapons and how would he have her contact info or know she even had his weapons? The Ex would have to have told him. We’ve tried to verify the agents identity with the department but they are useless. It’s terrifying that some guy can claim to be DOJ to get weapons for an Ex. You will probably be caught by someone wanting to verify your identity. If the man is who he says he is, he would already know the weaponry has been surrendered to law enforcement since they enter serial numbers into the system and also enter anything they’ve destroyed like ammunition, gun parts, and gun accessories, and divulge the identity of the owner. He has got to have access to my daughter’s phone and calls since he bought it for her and knows all it’s numbers. He knows too much about what she and I discuss and do. That’s called stalking and spying which is a DVRO violation. Yet we don’t know how to prove he has to have something allowing him access to her phone.
The police said my daughter must not be afraid of her Ex since she didn’t try to run to get out of his house to get away from him. She was locked in a room and too terrified to get out fearing if she did he would kill her for trying. The woman is supposed to run away from her life and abandon all she has or owns for him to keep. She’s supposed to change her identity and any phone number to prevent her abuser from finding her. She’s to run away with nothing but the clothes on her back. She’s to hide in women’s shelters giving up the home she owns so he can’t find her. It’s always the woman who has to give up everything and loose her identity when she’s the victim. It’s what is expected of her. It is like having to die. Then why not let the abuser just kill her instead to get it over with. The police won’t help her if she doesn’t run. They’ll arrest her for being abused. The belief is that she has to be the guilty one because she’s too stupid to keep her mouth shut and must have caused the guy to get pissed off. It’s all her fault he got violent. It’s no wonder he abused her. She deserved it! She should be in jail and not him. Then he can do whatever he wants and doesn’t have to care at all about her. Either way, she’ll be gone and all his problems solved.