I don’t write a lot of diaries, so I certainly don’t write the preachy kind, which tell people what to say and what not to say and who to make fun of and what can’t be joked about. If you’ve ever seen the classic Venn diagram meme: things that should not be joked about (intersect) things I find funny—that’s me. I am going to hell. None of which explains why I feel strongly about this. But I do. So here it is.
My late brother had fecal incontinence in his 40s after a failed repair for rectal fistulas (DO NOT Google this if you don’t know what they are, you do not want to know). The rate of incontinence after surgical repair of rectal fistulas is about 35% Or it was in 2010 or so), but the alternative is even worse. Rectal fistulas appear to run in my mother’s family but can be exacerbated by a sedentary lifestyle (such as the computer programming for a living).
In the last years of his life, my brother often had the dirty diaper smell that any mother recognizes immediately. It could be overwhelming. It made it difficult, if not impossible to work outside the home. He was horribly ashamed that he smelled like sh_t all the time. People were not forgiving or understanding. Their lack of empathy made a difficult condition even more difficult. Their shaming made the shame even worse.
Moreover, I have three kids. For years, every time I coughed or sneezed, I’d pee myself. It was humiliating. I used to carry “emergency panties” in my car glove box. But that’s not unusual. Women struggle with urinary incontinence at epidemic levels: 50% of all women, 75% of women over 65 have incontinence! If you know a woman with 3 children, she struggles with incontinence—the rate is almost 100%. If you are a man with 3 children, that woman is your wife. If you have an elderly mother, she’s likely partly or fully incontinent, even if you don’t know about it. There are few effective treatments, and often not covered by insurance.
This is reality for—just throwing out a number—50 million Americans.
Laughing at _rump and making fun of his stink and his diapers makes life harder for regular people like my brother. My brother was not a wealthy man, or a powerful one. People did not make allowances, curry favor, or dance attendance on him. He would be hurt to hear how people make fun of adult incontinence. Most adults who have it can’t help it. Women can’t help it. Old people cannot help it—AND WE WILL ALL BE OLD ONE DAY.
Making fun of _rump for wearing diapers is friendly fire. We fire our jokes at “the enemy,” but we hurt those in our own ranks who already live with debility and shame. We are hurting a lot of innocent people. I’m not going to ask you to be better people and not make fun of _rump. I admit, the jokes are funny, even if they hit close to home. But let’s be sure that we are hitting the target. Who else you are hurting and shaming, when you make fun of _rump for the sh_t he can’t control. I’m all for excoriating and making fun of _rump—the funnier the better—but only for the sh_t he CAN control.
Make fun of Trump for the sh_t that comes out of his mouth.
He does that on purpose.