Energize An Ally Tuesday
I need you to make a huge donation today. But not money. Just a handful of positive “Big-D” vibes sent in the general vicinity of—[gestures wildly with index finger]—Wisconsin, where two perfectly-decent liberal justices are facing two far-right gavel humpers in a jungle primary that'll determine which two candidates face off against each other in the final April showdown.
The top prize: a seat on the state Supreme Court. If either Everett Mitchell or Janet Protasiewicz makes it across the finish line with the most votes, the court will swing from conservative control to liberal control. There is perhaps no state court in the land that needs to flip red to blue more than this one. As Emily Singer at The American Independent wrote so succinctly last week:
The fate of abortion rights, voting rights, and fair congressional and legislative districts depend on the balance of conservative and liberals on the court.
It's as simple as that. Polls close at 8pm. Send those vibes now and keep 'em coming. May the best two liberal judges win. And may the Cheese be with them.
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, February 21, 2023
Note: Why? Because I said so. And I'd say that pretty much settles whatever it is we're talking about. Now give me your smart phone and go to your room. —Ma & Pa
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til we turn our clocks ahead: 19
Days 'til the Tampa Bay Jewish Food Festival: 5
Percent of Japan's population that's over 65, versus 17% in the U.S.: 30%
Western countries whose population is aging faster than Italy's now: 0
Rank of Atlanta, Portland OR, and Austin on Review.org's list of best cities for remote-working "digital nomads": #1, #2, #3
Rank of Myrtle Beach, Honolulu, and Portland Maine: #98, #99, #100
Increase in the average erect penis size over the last 30 years, likely due to environmental factors or more sedentary lifestyles, according to researchers at Stanford Medicine: 24%
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Over across the pond…Saved!!!
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CHEERS to POTUS in flight. President Biden strapped on Jetpack One and rocketed over to Europe Sunday night, where he was to hunker down in Poland with NATO allies and discuss plans for Year 2 of Vladimir Putin's insane Operation Meat Grinder against Ukraine. But before his turbo thrusters had a chance to cool, he transformed himself into DARK BRANDON SMASH!!! and sent an unambiguous message to the worst human on Earth not named Trump:
President Joe Biden made a surprise and historic visit to war-torn Ukraine on Monday, a show of support and solidarity with a democratic nation battling for its survival after Russian President Vladimir Putin invaded nearly a year ago. [...]
Biden visited the Mariinsky Palace, where he signed a guest book and made brief remarks alongside Zelenskyy.
The clandestine nature of the trip points to the dangers of America's commander-in-chief visiting Ukraine amid continuing bombardment, as Russia continued firing missiles into the country hoping to break an impasse as the war enters its second year. Air raid sirens sounded while Biden was on the ground. … It is the first time in modern history that a U.S. president has entered a war zone where there is not an active American military presence.
It's also the first time in modern history that a president has done something so news-breaky that it knocked the apostrophe in Presidents' Day back a letter.
P.S. Since you’ve been good, a bonus pic of Biden honoring Ukraine’s fallen…
Guts, leadership, and humanity. My president.
CHEERS to the Great Flood of 2023. Okay, maybe that's overstating things a bit, but our C&J splashers in the Golden State will be happy to see this. In fact, you may feel compelled to shout, "H2Omigod!"
California’s drought-stricken reservoirs have seen a remarkable recovery after a barrage of storms lashed the state last month. Officials say it’s a much-needed improvement after hovering at critically low levels for the past several years.
Lake Oroville, California’s most beleaguered and second-largest reservoir, saw a huge boost after the climate change-fueled megadrought sucked away nearly all of its water supply. […]
The State Water Project’s two largest reservoirs — Lake Oroville and San Luis — gained a total of 1.62 million acre-feet of water, which is roughly enough water for 5.6 million households for an entire year.
Click the link above for some incredible before & after pics—really sigh of relief-inducing stuff. Two words for Mother Nature: Please continue.
CHEERS to letting your fingers do the walking. 144 years ago today, the first telephone book (kids: ask your parents. Parents: ask your parents.) was issued by the District Telephone Co. of New Haven, Connecticut. It had 50 names. And 51 pizza coupons.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to getting stuck stuff unstuck. On this date in 1872, Silas Noble and J.P. Cooley patented the toothpick-making machine, thus idling the country's entire beaver workforce while President Grant looked the other way. The bitterness still lingers. Dam him.
JEERS to the least surprising statistic of the month. Oh, gee, you'll never guess: idiots who don’t think the rules should apply to them are trying to sneak past airport TSA checkpoints with loaded guns at a record pace:
The woman flying out of Philadelphia’s airport last year remembered to pack snacks, prescription medicine and a cellphone in her handbag. But what was more important was what she forgot to unpack: a loaded .380-caliber handgun in a black holster.
The weapon was one of the 6,542 guns the Transportation Security Administration intercepted last year at airport checkpoints across the country.
The number—roughly 18 per day—was an all-time high for guns intercepted at U.S. airports, and is sparking concern at a time when more Americans are armed.
“What we see in our checkpoints really reflects what we’re seeing in society, and in society there are more people carrying firearms nowadays,” TSA administrator David Pekoske said. With the exception of pandemic-disrupted 2020, the number of weapons intercepted at airport checkpoints has climbed every year since 2010.
And every time they get nabbed, they all give the same bullshit excuse: I "forgot." The TSA's current maximum penalty is around $15,000 and loss of PreCheck clearance. If it was up to me I'd add 30 days in jail on nothing but bread and gingko biloba.
P.S. Toss this latest moron on the statistics pile for 2023:
Oops. A $15,000 memory lapse.
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Ten years ago in C&J: February 21, 2013
JEERS to previews of coming calamities. A couple weeks back New England got slammed with a record-breaking blizzard, and the joke circulating around the climate-change deniers was, "Where's your global warming now, libtards?!" We slapped our knees pretty hard over that. Funny thing, though, and not in a ha-ha way: the blizzard we got happened because of you-guessed-it:
A warmer atmosphere can hold, and dump, more moisture, snow experts say. And two soon-to-be-published studies demonstrate how there can be more giant blizzards yet less snow overall each year. Projections are that that's likely to continue with man-made global warming.
Consider: The United States has been walloped by twice as many of the most extreme snowstorms in the past 50 years than in the previous 60 years, according to an upcoming study on extreme weather by leading federal and university climate scientists. This also fits with a dramatic upward trend in extreme winter precipitation—both rain and snow—in the Northeastern U.S. charted by the National Climatic Data Center.
This is the kind of calamitous climate story that we're seeing on virtually a daily basis now, and even the deniers are finally starting to realize that global warming is real. And they'll tell you that they have no one to blame but…well, Barack Obama and the libtards, of course. Shame on us!
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And just one more…
CHEERS to Mardi Gras! Nothing but decadence and gluttony on the schedule today as Americans celebrate the religious observance of, um, decadence and gluttony. (I'm a bit behind in my Bible studies—half a century to be precise.) As I understand it, if I display some boobs you'll throw me some beads. Right? Okay then, check out these babies:
I'd like my beads to be made out of non-fungible tokens, please.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
“You can't reduce Cheers and Jeers to a bumper sticker or to a label. It's complicated. It's consequential. And we need to manage Bill in Portland Maine's kiddie pool responsibly."
—Secretary of State Antony Blinken
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