I am in San Francisco on Presidents Day meeting up with three old friends at The Eagle Cafe on San Francisco’s Pier 39. When I took an Uber in to the city for our 1 o’clock lunch, the forecast called for thunderstorms and heavy winds so I am dressed in my waterproof jacket and pants, not exactly looking my best. In fact, I was so nervous about venturing out in the weather I even thought of cancelling, The three of us had been close friends in the 1970s and 1980s and had fallen out of touch until last year when we met up after more than 30 years of not seeing one another.
John, who had left the Bay Area 15 years ago to return home to North Carolina, was in the city for a few days before his trip to Taiwan, Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, and Hong Kong. He is traveling solo. He had been following me for several years on Instagram but I thought it was someone else with the same name, even when he reached out and said hello. This John posted pictures from travels all over the world and it just didn’t gel with the John I had known so many years ago. Yet I finally decided to respond to his message and sure enough, it was my John.
Fortunately, the three of us remain progressives and so we could talk about politics, could actually talk comfortably about anything that came up. A lot of laughter as we recalled shared memories.Probably the same ones we laughed over last year but so what. It was fun. Energizing.
“So how are you really doing?” John turned to me when our other friend left to use the restroom. I shrugged my shoulders “What can I say?” Life being life and time seeming to accelerate with each passing day. We both shrugged our shoulders and shared how life was really going for us for a few minutes and in that short conversation I found myself missing him so much. Missing the me he remembered and the me he was still seeing.
It is bittersweet, reconnecting with such old friends. There is a salient energy which percolates beneath the surface, reignited by shared memories and fond laughter. It takes less than ten minutes before the time between seems to evaporate and I feel as if I am reconnected with myself, as if there is a solid line between my person today and the one whom these people know. The power of their recollections is enough to rebirth me. I can’t get enough of these people!
The thunderstorms did not materialize Monday and my two old friends waited with me outside the Hardrock Cafe as I waited for my Uber to take me back over the Golden Gate Bridge. As I opened the door, they both at the same time extended their arms to me in a virtual hug. Time just kind of seemed to stand still. I waved to them as we drove away, feeling like I was saying good-bye to two friends who will be tied to me forever. It was as if no time had passed.
Sabrina, Romanoff, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University notes the benefits of reconnecting with old friends.
- Reliving happy memories: Spending time with an old friend can help us remember and relive happy memories, adventures, and the strong bonds we developed through challenging times.
- Getting in touch with your past: Rekindling friendships from different times in our lives can help us reconnect with different parts of ourselves. Old friends can remind us of the person we used to be and help get us in touch with parts of ourselves that might have become suppressed over the years.
- Offering a new perspective: Reconnecting with old friends can give us a new perspective on our lives now relative to the past. We can also get a perspective on the past from someone who has been through it with us.
- Building your community: Reestablishing a friendship with an old friend can help us strengthen our roots and feel more grounded in our community. A deeper feeling of connectedness contributes to better well-being. www.verywellmind.com/....
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