The Supreme Court of the United States has become a useless third political branch of government in a way that would be abhorrent to the Framers of the Constitution. As explained below, we can get rid of this useless institution in a step-by-step manner.
In a recently celebrated ruling, the court ruled on whether gay people can have wedding cakes, or something like that. It turns out, the guy that brought the suit didn’t actually bake cakes. The guy on the other side of the “dispute” did not actually want a cake. But the Supreme Court spent a great deal of precious time and resources deciding the case. Judges (Alito in particular) are writing notes in their opinions urging whack-job rightwing lawyers to bring more frivolous lawsuits.
As a country, do we need any of this? Absolutely not.
The first step would be to enact a new judicial statute. Congress has control of establishing courts below the Supreme Court and giving them jurisdiction and the process for deciding matters.
One of the actual duties that needs to be taken care of is ruling when the circuit courts come to different conclusions. By statute, Congress could establish a procedure for resolving these differences through a Zoom meeting of one representative of each circuit. There is no need to write new briefs or hear oral arguments on this stuff. The issues are already extensively discussed at the circuit court level. If the coin lands on its edge and the circuit courts are evenly split on the matter, maybe it should go to the Supreme Court for now.
If the lawyers need a place to show off their $1200 shoes, the Bar Association can create an Easter parade.
The Supreme Court does have original jurisdiction over a few things. “In all Cases affecting Ambassadors, other public Ministers and Consuls, and those in which a State shall be Party, the supreme Court shall have original Jurisdiction.” That isn’t much. The Supreme Court could retain jurisdiction over these matters until it is officially and finally abolished. Then, these cases could start in the D.C. District Court and be appealed to the circuit court if necessary.
Once it becomes clear that the Supreme Court is left with nothing to do, it would be time to pass an amendment to abolish the court outright. Ratification could take some time. It could sit for awhile, and then a new outrage by the court would prompt a number of states to move forward. In the meantime, the court would have very little power.
There is a question of what would be done with the Supreme Court building. I would suggest modifying it into a new Panda House. The public loves pandas and doesn’t like the court. It would take some work, but we could give a prize to the architect who comes up with the best plan. There could be a period when the Supreme Court is not yet abolished and the Panda renovations are moving forward. In such a case, the judges could meet in a canvass structure, or perhaps in Clarence’s motor home if the tent was too cold.
Obviously, I have had it with the justices, including our three so-called liberal members of the court. Two-thirds of both houses of Congress and three-fourths of the states voted for the Insurrection Clause of the 14th Amendment. The current court decided unanimously that it really didn’t count because 150 years ago the government officials did not copy the amendment onto another piece of paper and call it a statute. So much for honoring the original intent of the Framers. Certainly they had paper and pens in the 1800s and would have created the statute if they thought it necessary.
I hope that someday the justices can come face-to-face with the American heroes who gave their lives defending the Republic at Little Round Top, and the many other battlefields of the Civil War. The justices can attempt to explain that insurrectionists should be allowed because our soldiers and statesmen at the time did not do enough.
The conversation will be a little difficult because our heroes will be in heaven and the justices will be in hell, but perhaps God can set up a Zoom meeting with limited glitches. “You’re still on mute.”