Tuesday Morning Vonnegut Blogging
Indiana-born Kurt Vonnegut, who balanced his time between this universe and the alternate ones of his creation, died 17 years ago this week. So it goes. Wrote Dinitia Smith in her New York Times obituary:
Like Mark Twain, Mr. Vonnegut used humor to tackle the basic questions of human existence: Why are we in this world? Is there a presiding figure to make sense of all this, a god who in the end, despite making people suffer, wishes them well? […]
Not all Mr. Vonnegut’s themes were metaphysical. With a blend of vernacular writing, science fiction, jokes and philosophy, he also wrote about the banalities of consumer culture, for example, or the destruction of the environment.
A good time to remind ourselves below the fold why he was…well…Kurt Vonnegut:
Continued...
“The big trouble with dumb bastards is that they are too dumb to believe there is such a thing as being smart.”
“Being a Humanist means trying to behave decently without expectation of rewards or punishment after you are dead.”
“The good earth—we could have saved it, but we were too damn cheap and lazy.”
“It’s perfectly ordinary to be a socialist. It’s perfectly normal to be in favor of fire departments.”
“Librarians, not famous for their physical strength or their powerful political connections or their great wealth, all over this country, have staunchly resisted anti-democratic bullies who have tried to remove certain books from their shelves and have refused to reveal to thought police the names of persons who have checked out the titles.”
“Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.”
"As for preparing this country against an attack from anti-missile anti-missile anti-missiles by developing an anti-missile anti-missile anti-missile anti-missile, I may be in the minority, but I think the American people should spend the money on hospitals and housing and schools and Ferris wheels instead."
And my favorite, which remains my personal motto for the 59th consecutive year:
I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different.
And now, our feature presentation...
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Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, April 9, 2024
Note: Out of an abundance of caution I’m indicting you on all the charges there are in the criminal code. We’ll sort it out later.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Save the Elephant Day: 7
Days 'til the Hudson Valley Mac 'n Cheese Festival in Washingtonville, New York: 4
Rank of Arizona among states with the most voting rights lawsuits at the moment: #1
Percent of those lawsuits, according to Democracy Docket, that are aiming to restrict ballot access: 80%
Percent by which immigrants from Latin America accounted for new business creation in 2023, twice the rate of the U.S. population as a whole: 36%
Estimated number of guns that were illegally trafficked through unlicensed dealers over the last 5 years: 68,000
Loss in Trump Media stock value last week: -$2 billion
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Saddle up. Big day ahead on the open range…
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CHEERS to the really big show. Whoa. Did you see that? A natural phenomenon that took the world by storm, briefly uniting all 197 billion of us (Memo to self: check that stat) in a spirit of awe and wonder as we carefully cast our gaze upward to behold a circular sight that will forever be burned into our memories, if not our corneas. We may not see the likes of it again for generations, that enigma wrapped in a riddle in the sky. But enough about Mount Etna blowing smoke rings. Anyone know if the solar eclipse happened?
CHEERS to good presidenting. As his 2024 opponent shuffles around "winning" fake golf tournaments, comparing himself to Nelson Mandela, funneling campaign money into his legal defense slush fund, and attempting to break the world record for the number of times he can say "bloodbath" in a speech, President Biden wakes up and immediately starts thinking of how he can make life better for regular Americans:
Biden-Harris Administration leaders will fan out across the country as President Biden announces his Administration’s new plans to cancel student debt for tens of millions of Americans. The plans, if implemented, would provide debt relief to over 30 million Americans when combined with actions the Biden-Harris Administration has already taken to cancel student debt over the past three years. [...]
In total, these plans would fully eliminate accrued interest for 23 million borrowers, would cancel the full amount of student debt for over 4 million borrowers, and provide more than 10 million borrowers with at least $5,000 in debt relief or more.
As Joe and Kamala continue finding ways to cancel student debt, the Republicans will continue making good on their signature education plan: canceling student books.
CHEERS to a civil end to a most uncivil war. Big anniversary today—in fact, it oughtta be a federal holiday. On April 9, 1865, Robert E. Lee called it quits and surrendered to Ulysses S. Grant at Appomattox Court House in Virginia, effectively ending the southern traitors’ War for the Preservation of Owning Humans for Forced Labor.
Several years ago a demographic historian concluded that the death toll of the war was much higher than originally thought—750,000 versus the original 620,000. Sadly, another number has also been extended far beyond its original estimate: the number of years it's taking too many white people in the South to admit they lost and put away that damn confederate battle flag. As Congressman James Clyburn (D-SC) reminded them a few years back, even slave owner and avowed racist treason-monger Lee had at least enough self-awareness to concern himself with post-war optics:
"When Robert E. Lee surrendered he asked all of his followers to furl this flag. Stow it away, he said. Put it in your attics," Clyburn continued. "He refused to be buried in his Confederate uniform. His family refused to allow anyone dressed in the confederate uniform to attend his funeral. "Why? Because Robert E. Lee said he considered this emblem to be a symbol of treason.”
He also didn’t want any statues of him put up, a request that fell on deaf ears as groups like the Daughters of the Confederacy erected hundreds of them (of Lee and other CSA icons, including a fresh batch in the 1960s to remind the civil rights movement to remember “their place”) as a way of living in denial of their treason. I’ll give the hangers-on credit for one thing: they sure picked the right theme song. "Look away, Dixie Land." Mission accomplished.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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JEERS to the topple seen 'round the world. Remember all the hullabaloo when that Baghdad statue of Saddam Hussein was pulled down shortly after we shocked 'n awed Iraq? Believe it or not, that was 21 years ago today. I remember wincing when a U.S. soldier, unfamiliar with the concept of "How Things Look from the Liberated Folks' Perspective," tried to tie an American flag around Saddam's head. I also remember drumming my fingers on my desk as the Iraqis took for freakin' ever to try and yank the statue down by hand. They finally decided to let our troops attach a rope from Saddam's finger to a tank, which pulled it down in mere seconds as the crowd made crude fart noises (proving that, no matter what country you're from, that gag never gets old). Then they beat it with shoes as it was dragged around the square like a cat toy.
But, as with so many aspects of that war (like the reason for starting it), things weren't exactly as they seemed. The press made it look like the entire city was there celebrating. In reality, it looked more like the size of House Freedom Caucus representation at a MENSA meeting:
If you're hyperventilating from the shock of being misled by the media, breathe into a paper sack for a few minutes. It'll pass.
JEERS to misdirection for God. Just thinkin’ out loud here, but maybe the Catholic Church should just shut its pie hole and instead focus on clothing the poor and feeding the hungry. Because they just can't seem to stop stepping on their own garden rakes:
The Vatican on Monday declared gender-affirming surgery and surrogacy as grave violations of human dignity.
When it's consensual and done safely, neither actually "violates human dignity" at all. But y'know what does violate human dignity? Thousands of "celibate" male Vatican employees in dresses committing acts of sexual assault on children—boys and girls—in parishes all over the world, then trying to cover them up as they continue flashing their Morality Police badges. The hypocrisy is so thick they'll need the cranes from the Baltimore bridge cleanup to get the logs out of their eyes. Heckuva job, The Creator.
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Ten years ago in C&J: April 9, 2014
CHEERS to good news from unexpected places. The farm bill that just passed had a lot of turdy turds in it, not to mention totally arbitrary cuts to food stamps. It was one of those bills that gets passed and then everyone just kinda slinks Away from. But apparently, it's making conservationists kinda happy:
Wildlife and environmental groups are claiming victory for conservation practices in the new farm bill, where two of their top priorities made it into law. Farmers will be required to use good conservation practices on highly erodible lands and protect wetlands to qualify for crop insurance subsidies. And the law requires "sodsaver" protections to discourage farmers from plowing up native grasslands in several Plains and Midwest states.
Coincidentally, sodsaver is also the name of this month's $99 special down at the funeral home.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to a dark, dark day in America. Well, that was fun. Just as it did on January 20th, 2017, darkness descended on the country starting yesterday morning, and eclipse watchers reveled in the eclipsiness. Here at Casa Billeh, where you couldn’t buy a cloud if you tried, we planned to watch the event (at 96.4 percent only a "partial" eclipse) using our homemade pinhole box outfitted with beer holders, AC and a Barcalounger, but we got too distracted by Judge Judy on the widescreen TV. Oops! Oh well, I figured someone might take a pic or two to make up for my incompetence…
I promise I'll do better in 2045.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
"The most wasted of all days is one without laughter."
—E. E. Cummings
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