Olympic Events for Republicans
Coming to an alternate universe near you:
Popularity diving
Synchronized voter suppression
Shooting stuff
Backwards rowing
400-meter dash away from the vaccine
Shooting more stuff
Continued...
Twisted logic somersaults
Climate disaster denial decathalon
Electrified fencing
Shooting even more stuff
Atlas shrugging
Tax-haven-to-tax-haven regatta
Logic leaping long jump
Super PAC donor fluffing
Shooting stuff you already shot
Individual and team pearl clutching
Protest sign spelling bee (canceled, since everyone was disqualified in the qualifying round)
Pin the shame on the libertine
Shooting yourself in the foot
Trickle-down gymnastics
Covidiot coddling
And all the medals are made of tinfoil. Saaaa-lute.
And now, our feature presentation...
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Cheers and Jeers for Monday, July 26, 2021
Note: When wandering in the woods remember: "Leaves of three...rub it all over from head to knee." You can trust me—I'm an Eagle Scout.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Labor Day: 42
Days 'til the 85th Atlanta Dogwood Festival: 11
Number of Black women who have held lifetime seats on federal appeals court benches: 11
Number of them who were appointed by Joe Biden: 3
Year by which Mercedes-Benz plans to go all-electric: 2030
Percent of the competitors at the Olympic Games in Tokyo this year who are women, up from 45% at Rio in 2016: 49%
Percent chance that the Cleveland Indians baseball team is now called the Cleveland Guardians: 100%
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Happy Monday, everyone…
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CHEERS to the Republican's worst nightmare: health insurance for poor people. So typical: voters approve a measure at the ballot box—eminently-sensible Medicaid expansion, in this case—and the Republicans in charge ignore them. But wait! What's this? The judicial branch rides to the rescue again!
[T]he Missouri Supreme Court ruled that an additional 275,000 low-income individuals in the state are again eligible for publicly-funded health care.
Missouri voters successfully pushed through a state constitutional amendment on the ballot last August to adopt Medicaid expansion, but the Republican-dominated legislature refused to implement it, prompting Gov. Mike Parson, also a Republican, to pull the plug on plans to bolster the health care program.
Amy Blouin, the president of the Missouri Budget Project, which supports expansion, said in a statement she hoped expansion would be implemented quickly. … "State after state has shown that in addition to providing insurance to those eligible, expansion is a fiscal and economic boon to state economies and budgets," Blouin said.
We note that states were first allowed to expand their Medicaid rolls (which 38 have opted to do) in 2010 as part of the Affordable Care Act. Thus explaining the Show Me State's new state slogan: Missouri—We're Almost Only A Decade Behind.
JEERS to the idiots who walk among us…right up until the moment they don't. As the super-spreadable Delta variant of COVID-19 liquifies the lungs if the unvaccinated, we're seeing more and more stories of anti-vaxxers and hoaxers who are seeing two versions of the light: either Grandma calling them into it, or the realization that maybe science isn’t a deep state plot after all. Yup, even here in "70% Vaccination Club" member Maine, where this self-absorbed Republican leader is now dealing with being virus-absorbed:
Rep. Chris A. Johansen, R-Monticello, on Friday told the Press Herald only that he wasn’t feeling well and didn’t stay on the phone long enough to be asked whether he has the virus. However, a reporter for Mainer News, an alternative weekly, contacted Johansen and recorded him saying that he has COVID-19 and is “really, really sick.”
Johansen’s wife, Cindy Johansen, who is an officer for the Aroostook County Republican committee, posted on Facebook that she has COVID-19 as well. […]
Chris Johansen was one of seven lawmakers who appeared maskless in a video taken in a State House office in January in violation of a legislative rule that masks be worn inside the building to control the spread of COVID-19.
He was also one of seven lawmakers who had a confrontation with Capitol police in May when they entered the State House without wearing masks.
Once again we see that on the chess board of the universe, science takes the pawn. And any other damn thing it wants.
CHEERS to climbing aboard this republic’s crazy train. On July 26, 1788, New York's delegation ratified the U.S. Constitution in Poughkeepsie. But not before there was a brief conversation in the cloak room:
Delegate 1: Are you sure that we should not insist upon inclusion of some kind of balanced budget amendment in here? For the sake of our union and in the spirit of shared sacrifice, so that nothing is left on or off the table and we may all partake in the bounty of such a grand bargain?
Delegate 2: What, are you nuts? That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard. No one will ever be so stupid as to try and put that insanity into the Constitution! Whoever makes the attempt is dumb. Dumb, I tell you. Dumb dumb dumb dumb, dumbeth and dumber!
Delegate 1: So, uh, would this be a bad time, then, to bring up amendments banning flag-burning and gay marriage?
Delegate 2: Lay off the grog, kid. You're startin' to weird me out.
After ratification they celebrated by overturning a bunch of carriages in Jersey.
P.S. For old time’s sake…
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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JEERS to testosterone gone wild. As I was watching Olympic coverage this weekend and listening to the male commentators blather on over the weekend, I got to thinking. At the original Olympic games in 776 BC women were banned, and those who snuck in to watch were thrown off a cliff by men. In 1936, evil man Adolf Hitler refused to shake Jesse Owens' hand. In 1972 the terrorists who killed 8 athletes were men and the Atlanta bomber was also a man. Jimmy Carter, a man, wouldn't let us compete in the 1980 summer games in Moscow. In 2004, security personnel outnumbered athletes 7-to-1 in Athens because of threats from men with bombs. And over the last twenty years competitors have been subjected to man-made pollution. Ladies, how do you put up with us?
CHEERS to compassionate conservatism. Twenty seven years ago, President George H.W. Bush signed the Americans with Disabilities Act. He didn't want anything to stand between his son and the White House.
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Ten years ago in C&J: July 26, 2011
CHEERS to a whole lotta knot-tyin' goin' on. Gay couples in New York started getting married yesterday, and even the Fox News anchors were permitted by Roger Ailes to break into an occasional smile. Kudos to CNN for live coverage of NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg officiating at the ceremony for two of his City Hall staff members—that was nice. In the wake of yesterday's coverage, one right-wing myth was busted all to hell: that gay couples can't stay together very long. All day long there were clips of couples who had been together 10, 20, 30, 40 years or more. And how nice to see that the fuddy-duddy Catholic Church even knows when to back away slowly:
“There may not be much more to say at this point,” Joseph Zwilling, a spokesman for the archdiocese, said.
Except, maybe, congrats and enjoy those Bed, Bath & Beyond gift cards.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to memorable moments in malodorousness. Big excitement this week at the University of Tennessee in Knoxville. A rare "corpse flower"—aka Amorphophallus titanium aka “Rotty Top”—is in the process of blooming there for the first time, says Jeff Martin, manager of their UT's Ecology and Evolutionary Biology Greenhouses. You can click on a livestream of it here. There's a method to its malodorousness, according to How Stuff Works:
Why does the corpse flower smell so terrible? To attract insects of course.
Because Titan Arum plants are located so far apart from one another and bloom so infrequently, they need to attract as much insect attention as possible to ensure pollination.
The corpse flower uses its smell to attract sweat bees and beetles looking for a prime location to lay their eggs. By crawling all over the plant, these insects play a vital role in pollinating the Titan Arum.
Put another way, it's like the CPAC convention of the botanical world.
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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