Juggling Thought
I spent the day yesterday trying to instigate deep discussions on issues that interest me, but being a basically lazy person, I did it in other people's diaries I found sort of relevant. I've been trying to distract myself from the tension of life as it lies.
One might think that I had revealed all about myself by now, but one would be wrong. I juggle. Of course I juggle. I was in grad school at Oregon in mathrmatics in the late 70s. Didn't we all learn to juggle? Of course we did.
Juggling relaxes the mind. Concentrating on the balls puts one in a trance. Thoughts become free to molest one another cross-fertilize. One begins to envision the layers of meaning packed into every thought, every word. How else was a thesis topic going to emerge?
Eventually, one doesn't need material objects to juggle anymore, but can go straight to juggling the concepts. One sometimes forgets that other people may not think in the same way. At once one becomes more separated from others and more in tune with the ebb and flow of knowledge, the heartbeat of humanity. What makes humans special is that we can know.
So I've been juggling for decades: juggling ideas, frameworks, layers of meaning, moving both inward and outward and it has proven to be quite an interesting view of the world. To use the vernacular, I wear many hats: partner, teacher, poet, artist and web designer, writer, gender and GLBT activist, blogger... The list goes on and on. Last year I felt like I wore too many hats. This year I feel like I am buried in them.
Simply "whelmed" left the station long ago. And I'm beyond overwhelmed, too. To use a word coined by one of my colleagues yesterday (or not), the poet Paul Genega, I am Überwhelmed.
My partner's health has become a priority concern. In shock I wondered too long about whether this was a brand new ball I was juggling or if an old one had gotten heavier, so that everything became unbalanced. Any juggler knows what happens when uncertainty enters the picture. The balls come tumbling down. Starting them up again takes patience.
This week I designed a website for an Alana conference. Yesterday I wrote a new poem that will be released at Daily Kos later tonight. Later on I will grade some computer programs. Tomorrow I will work on assessment for our Middle States report. And I'm waiting for the phone to ring with results from my partner's biopsy.
--Robyn Elaine Serven --Bloomfield College, NJ |