Just read Jill Richardson's amazing diary, You Can't Fix Healthcare Without Fixing Obesity and she's right. It's a personal issue I struggle with every day and write about from time to time. And the responses to those diaries has been overwhelming, too much so at times.
I've been avoiding Daily Kos a lot lately, commenting here and there and attempting to go through my own journey. I've wanted to write about those continued food struggles but I've hesitated and mostly because of one reason.
Advice...
This is the worst part here, I know that anyone who takes the time to comment or even personally email me means well with their dieting advice. I don't want to diminish the sincerity or meaningfulness of the gesture. But advice doesn't help fat people. Sure it empowers and it can start a discussion and it can give people an idea where to start with their own journey but it can't solve the problem.
Why? Because the problem with "fixing" obesity is it can't be fixed without the full cooperation and change by each individual involved in the process of attempting to lose weight.
I believe the bigger part of losing weight and doing it successfully is not just the end but the path along the way. It's the changes that happen within you as well as physically. And as long as we as a society remain unattached to our bodies and indifferent to the food we put in our mouths the journey can't even begin.
I know that diets work, but not often. And I've had dear people try to push gastric bypass and lapband as a solution for me. I LOVE THEM for it because I know they are concerned for me and my health. And although it was the answer for them, it may not be the answer for me.
We are all unique individuals and the industry we call dieting is just that, an industry. It doesn't continue forward if people lose the weight and keep it off (please, I'm not looking for advocates of Weight Watchers, etc. IT MAY HAVE WORKED FOR YOU and many other people, but it doesn't work for everyone. Does it mean they don't have value? Of course not).
But the industrial revolution has done more than just make our lives easier. It's changed our very relationship with the world and our bodies.
I'm continuing to read Kessler's book The End of Overeating and I'm constantly wowed by the food industries attempts to sell us food that can kill us. It's easier to chew, easier to eat more calories and it's sometimes even easier and cheaper than making our own food. It tricks us into thinking we're eating less and the ingredients and cooking methods are purposefully kept from us (Did you know that the reason why so many different forms of sugars are used in processed foods? Because it keeps the word "sugar" from being the first thing on the ingredient list. Frosted flakes? 1/3 sugar but it's not the first ingredient)
This industry is working against us in order to profit and telling us we deserve to eat this way, to "treat" ourselves and it even works as a means to "soothe" our hectic lives.
Now don't get me wrong. No one forces ANYONE to eat this food. I rarely do. But I struggle with my weight every single day. Vegan breakfast, vegan snack today. Organic and whole foods are more and more involved with what I consume. And here I am, still a good 100 pounds overweight and feeling more awful about myself than ever.
But I don't want your advice, please. This is my journey and what worked for you is your journey. It's a beautiful and brave thing that you've done for yourself because it's not easy! And the longer you've been overweight, the harder it is to change course as your body loves to be in a constant state and will do whatever it can to keep things as they have been the longest.
I know I can do this. The last couple of weeks have been amazing for me. I started school and adore my Environmental Studies class. I'm enrolling in three classes this fall so that I can get my certificate in Ecological Restoration. It seems the theme comes back to bringing things back to where they should be, myself included.
But when I still see the stares and looks. I can feel them, the pity glances. When I can see it in relatives eyes, oh dear, poor thing. Even my six year old knows but she said she wouldn't say it because she didn't want to hurt my feelings. She knows I'm fat. She knows it.
And so writing this out is part of my journey. If you are offended by me asking you to keep your dieting advice to yourself, I'm sorry. And for those who have given it to me in the past, I'm glad you did. I just don't think I can take anymore right now. I'm tired of advice and little change. I'm tired of feeling so damn sorry for myself.
I'm tired.
The added weight of rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia don't help. I try to do it all and fit all of the things I should do into my day but I get to the point where I just stop. I'm done. And I feel trapped.
The only shift that's going to help obesity in this Country is one of the mind. We can't diet our way out of this or lapband our way out of it either. It's just so much more complicated than either things. And every single person will have to go on their own journey. This can't be "fixed" like some other things, such as health care (Although shit, I have many days where I'm ashamed of this Country and how far we've not come as an industrialized nation. No health care for everyone? 86% of our energy depends on some sort of fossil fuel? No connection between what we feed our children in school can affect how they learn and grow up to be as adults?)
So many disconnects. So many people lost.
So this is my journey and you are welcome to come along or not...
UPDATE - This diary is not a direct response to Jill's diary. It's something I've been contemplating for a while now and her diary gave me impetus to do it. Jill is right that we have to do something, our quality of life is declining as is our life expectancy and so many other things. So thank you Jill for your diary, it was wonderful and it gave me a reason to put this down in writing. I use the word "fix" in the sense that, I'm not a car and you can't just pull out the manual to fix my fat issue. It's a journey that we have to on our own and it's so dependent on so many factors. I don't have the answers and I don't believe any one person does but we can work together, walking more, more community and more activity matters, connecting back with nature and learning to see where our food comes from and maybe grow it ourselves. So many things we can do but not one of them may be the magic bullet for me, there is no such thing. I hope this helps, I don't want ANYONE to think I'm taking anything away from what dear Jill Richardson has written about. I admire her work and her passion tremendously.