This is just to update the community on the lawsuit I brought against the kOscars in which I attempt to deny ballot access to other Kosters who were supposedly nominated in the "Snark of the Year" category. The court has already denied my motion to be listed in the "Best Diarist," "Best Political Commenter," and "Best Diary by Kossack on TV" categories, the latter of these with a particularly snotty, if I may say so, opinion noting that I have not been on TV since 1993 and no, security cameras and closed-circuit display cameras that show waving potential buyers on TV sets do not count. (I may still appeal this last point.)
Some of you may have missed my previous diary in this series, which explains how only my "snark" diary, Greetings from a parallel universe where Gore beat Bush, may remain on the ballot. (The label "snark" implies that the events in that diary are not true, which I continue to contest in a separate suit. You may also write me in for "Diary of the Year," right on your monitor.) A brief recap on the case appears below.
My supposed competition -- until my lawsuit is successful -- in this category includes:
Want a raise? Wash your vagina. by dhonig
Breaking! Pooties Threaten Strike Over Daily Kos Discriminatory Practices! by Ekatarin
Assistance needed regarding current medical crisis by JeffLieber
I have begun to suspect my wife. by mostevilangel
Men Can Fix Anything....Just About! by Patric Juillet
My Take on DK6 by Bob Johnson
I'll take these in turn.
Starting with dhonig's diary: I objected to this diary being in the category for several reasons. First, it is discriminatory. Many of the men on this site (according to PPP, well over 80%) do not have vaginas, and so the information herein is useless to them. Furthermore, it is literally true that Summer's Eve tried to sell their feminine hygiene products by making women worry that the failure to use them would prevent them from being given a raise, so Summer's Eve, rather than dhonig, should have been nominated. Finally, it is literally true that at some point those with vaginas should wash them at least on occasion -- even in prehistory this probably happened sometimes over the course of a short lifespan -- so it is literally correct and therefore not snark. Just, for God's sake don't use Summer's Eve.
Next, Ekatarin's diary about the threatened strike by DKos pooties about excluding pooties comments from calculations of Top Comments -- this is true, people. It actually happened. I was there in the command bunker watching the reports of felines massing around the Markos compound in Berkeley. It isn't snark, so it does not belong in this category.
Next, JeffLieber's diary about trying to pay his medical bill with chickens. First, of course, the kOscars are supposed to be an amateur competition and nominating a professional like Lieber is simply unfair. Why will anyone else continue to write snark if the pros always win? It's just bad policy. But also, Lieber has not posted a diary since June 15 -- come baaaaaaaaaaaack, Jeff!!! -- and therefore while he has a residence in DKos he has not resided here for the requisite period of time to be eligible. That, and I don't like the Illinois Supreme Court. Nasty buggers.
As for mostevilangel's diary about suspecting his wife is an illegal immigrant, despite his having attended her wedding to an American citizen (namely, himself) -- well, has there been a more poignant diary this year? To take this man's pain and call it snark -- well, it's just crueler than I would ever have expected than Kosters would ever be outside of the interminable flame wars which no one can doubt justifying this or worse. Still -- why compound this insult? Take him off the ballot!
Patric Juillet's diary is simply too-good humored for a snark competition. Plus, he's got all these great diaries about food and such. A win could destroy his reputation. He needs to come off the ballot pronto!
Finally, Bob Johnson's diary. You think that moving to a new version of DKos is funny, Bob? There will be blood on the streets this time next week, and you are joking about it? History's greatest monster doesn't begin to describe it. You are disqualified permanently. Rex can enter next year.
Voting ends on Feb. 2, so I beseech the court to act quickly!
UPDATE: As part of a final settlement rapidly worked out as a consequence of comments below, I am required (1) to post this link to Laughing Planets "GOTV for the kOscars" diary, (2) to say, with feeling, "I am a pathetic horse's ass," and (3) to shut my flapping pie hole. I'm happy that we've been able to put all this nastiness behind us, except for the nastiness LP told me I should still expect because, quote, "I should have known who I was fucking with."