This is the kindest community on the whole world wide web. Your prayers and good thoughts and healing energy lifted me out of blackest fear and despair in a matter days, sent me a healer who is determined to diagnose the weird symptoms that have plagued me for most of this year, restored some of my energy, allowed me to eat without severe pain, and given me hope for recovery.
Five days ago, Sara R called and found me barely able to carry on a conversation. I had not been able to eat solid food in more than a week, I was very weak, I had lost faith in my local medical community (with good reason, I might add) and, worst of all, I feared I wouldn't get diagnosed until my own autopsy. When you love and enjoy your life and your family as much as I do, the prospect of only having a small amount of time left is a form of existential sadness I've never before experienced.
Sara broached the idea of asking the community for help: "It works. I've seen it happen many times; I've been the recipient of it myself. Never doubt the power of Kossacks when they focus their minds on something," she said. So we talked about what I thought would be most helpful, and Sara posted this diary on Saturday afternoon, containing my plea:
Here is what she needs and requests from us. When one of us has a dire problem, Kelley goes up to Pike's Peak and prays. And she lets loose our woes on her Cursing Tree. She asks that if you have an equivalent of a place like Pike's Peak or a Cursing Tree, please go and pray or meditate or focus your intent for her health and that she gets the care she needs right away. Pray for the return of her health. Whether it is an altar, a church, a circle, a pipe, or a wooded space that you pray at, with or in, please do this ....
Here's what your prayers and candles and energy and good thoughts have accomplished in five short days:
Three hours after Sara posted her diary I went downstairs for yet another can of Boost. Instead, I opened a can of soup - Campbell's Chicken Noodle soup, to be exact - and got it down, noodles and all, with just a few twinges of pain.
Sunday afternoon, while reading your comments in Sara's diary for the umpteenth time, I thought about that soup - and wanted more. This was a tiny thing, sure, but as I held the can in my hand I thought about Sara's diary, I thought about everything y'all had posted in the comments, and I got a little shiver.
When my tiny family landed at the airport Monday afternoon I was too weak to trust myself driving. Pittie70, my BFF of over forty years and my son's godmother, did the honors for me. We cried together Monday night, all of us very much afraid our lives together were coming to a close.
Your efforts came to full fruition on Tuesday. My daughter-in-law and I met with my gastroenterologist's Nurse Practitioner right after my dear friend Noor B asked you for your get-well messages. When I got home and saw the diary, I was able to report thus:
First, thank you - and all of you - from the bottom of my heart. I can scarcely see through my tears, but they're good tears. The healing energy of this community is gettin' stuff done:
My spirit has been healing since Sara's diary the other night - no more hiding under the covers.
Y'all sent me a Nurse Practitioner who looks like an old army nurse - if they took nurses less than five feet tall - and she did a more thorough history and physical than any of the doctors I've seen. She grabbed the phone and yelled at people when she didn't find lab reports in my chart. She thought out loud - a wonderful thing that not only showed a quick but deep intellect, it allowed me to engage with her thought processes.
Somehow, despite tomorrow being the day before Thanksgiving, she managed to get me on the schedule for an upper scope at 3:00.
She ordered ultrasounds to look at various organs.
She has other plans, if nothing is seen on the scope.
I shook her hand when we left, but my daughter-in-law grabbed her and hugged the stuffing out of her. From the look of happy surprise on her face, I wondered if she'd been shocked with orange energy!
The collective force of this community is awesome. Thank you so much for letting me have it this week. ♥
The kids made sandwiches for their lunch while I was posting that. I tried a few bites of my son's as an experiment - and it settled well.
Tuesday night I went to dinner with them and actually ate a meal. (It wasn't the greatest choice, and I paid a price for too many olives, but it was worth it!)
Late yesterday afternoon we went to the GI lab for my endoscopy. I don't have the solution to my riddle yet BUT! I don't have any evidence of cancer of the esophagus or stomach. OMG! Happy Thanksgiving! There is time now, I believe, to search for answers with peace of mind rather than the black despair of fearing too much time has passed for me to survive this illness. You cannot put a price on that, you cannot believe how important energy and hope are unless you, too, have ever lost both.
So, again, thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Orange Power Rocks!
PS - My little family and I didn't have Thanksgiving dinner this year ... but we ate our weight in Texas barbeque last night. Yes, including me. It was the best thing I've tasted in years.